Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:14-16
I can only use the scripture above to exclaim the goodness of our GOD through His dear Son. To know that we can BOLDLY come to the throne of GRACE! We need none other to intercede, but the Holy Spirit given to us who trust Him as our Lord and Saviour... we have direct access to the Father with our prayers and petitions of need. Oh, to know..that He knows me, is such a glorious thought. MY GOD...my Saviour, my helper, my comforter, my peace, my all in all.
He being touched...with the feelings of MY infirmities! Knowing the depths of my soul..how I thank Him that He has revealed Himself through His Word, that I might know Him more and more each day.
GOD who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets,
Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;
Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power; when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high...
Hebrews 1:1-3
Each day of prayer I can confidently know that God has heard me. I must then yield my self to his will and know that he will do what is best for me.
I love the song that *Bryn Riplinger* has written called: A Broken Heart.
The words perfectly describe moments in our life when we realize we need and must surrender all to him for the glorious work he desires to do in our lives. Knowing that GOD's way is best and he makes no mistake.
*Bryn has penned the very words that have been held in my heart all these years. I find great comfort in her music, that truly glorifies GOD and brings the listener to admonition of the spirit and humble thanksgiving)
Another song: My Promises Never Fail: A reminder that the flowers never cease to bloom nor the sun or moon shine. God's creation telling us...never forget.
The rainbow in the sky! Continually since the days of Noah...still exist!
Our visits to the hospital once again became frequent road trips. We as a family would hop in our van; the children singing along the way filling our hearts with happiness. How I love my family. The simple sounds of voices with praise from these young hearts taught early from birth. The love of God. Little did they know, the comfort they brought to our hearts. Such pleasant children so loved by others as well.
II Timothy 3:15 And that from a child thou has known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
Some visits Stephen had not fared well at all. One time an infection had settled on his body and the nurses fought to keep it under control. Another, he required a blood transfusion in the middle of the night. Our social worker constantly kept in touch with us. She and I would have lengthy conversations and she would express to me that our lives as a family spoke a lot about our faith. The staff being impressed with our family and the behaviour of our children in a hospital setting and their apparent love for their little brother.
The children sang in his room the same sweet songs of Zion, sung on our way to visit. The nurses enjoyed the peace it brought not only to us, but those how could hear down the hallways.
Another visit...we arrived and Stephen was so peacefully sleeping, we didn't have the heart to wake him and so turned to return home after a few moments of silence with him. I felt so worthless that he didn't know I had been there. I struggled with not being able to be at his side. But, I knew he was in excellent care and above all the LORD was with him. I needed to attend to the other children and let their lives remain as normal as possible. With no family nearby and a few acquaintances, they needed the security of our presence. In their innocence they knew that Stephen was quite ill but, that he had good people watching over him and he was loved as much as they were. It was a comfort for them knowing Kathryn...a nurse.
Another token of God's goodness. A friend...a nurse, so that my children would not fear.
Madame S. met with us again and told us the Cardiologist wanted to do a catheter test and he will meet with us after the procedure results.
Consider The Lilies
Consider the lilies, they don't toil nor spin
But there's not a king with more splendor than them
Consider the sparrow, they don't plant nor sow
But they're fed by the Master
Who watches them grow
We have a heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy
And a heart full of love
He really cares when your head is bowed low
Consider the lilies and then you will know
May I introduce you
To this Friend of mine
Who hangs out the stars
And tells the sun when to shine
And kisses the flowers
Each morning with dew
But He's not too busy to care about you!
We have a heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy
And a heart full of love
He really cares when your head is bowed low
Consider the lilies and then you will know
This song is a favorite of my dear and closest friend who is a missionary to Papua New Guinea. When she and her husband come home on furlough, they usually sing this song and it brings tears to my eyes each time; knowing the hardships and heartaches she also has known. The GOD of all comfort brings us friends who have been partakers of His sufferings as well...and together our hearts are knit...to reach lost souls for Christ.
When I consider the lilies...or the sparrows...I know..my God cares for me.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
SOWING IN TEARS...part 3
The doctor allowed us to transfer Stephen ourselves. I was so thankful to have this time with him. I sat in the back of our van watching Stephen and talking to him as we traveled along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
excerpt from journal:
"Stephen is so precious. I get mixed emotions. I forget sometimes in my desires, his condition and just want him home Reality then sets in and I am back to the present. I recall my struggle with him the few days in my care. He is so ill. I know the nurses and doctors just wanted me to have that chance at home...to be his mommy, to be a whole family. They must have known, but with my success at taking care of him in the hospital; felt perhaps, it would work out for us...for a time anyway."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we arrived at the hospital I sat in the lounge while my husband checked at the front desk. People passed by to peek in at my baby...and then realized he was not well and sighed. I felt very awkward since I still did not speak good French. I smiled and said "Bonjour".
I hoped that Stephen would do well here and the nurse's care be as tender as his previous hospital. Kathryn wouldn't be nearby to check on him so often for us, and once again we had the hours drive one way.
We settled him into his room and spent some time with him alone. When suddenly we heard wailing and a woman running down the hallway. My heart raced.
"Oh my...what just happened!"
A mother had either received bad news about her child or her child had just died. We never did know. But, it was obvious the dire distress and grief of this woman's cries. I felt so helpless as I wanted so much to run out to her and hold her in my arms and tell her about the LORD. To give her hope.
My heart broke for her, knowing by her reaction, she must not have known the LORD. She had no consolation, no peace. She threw herself against the wall and wailed loudly.
The nurse in our care closed the door and just shook her head sadly. Knowing Stephen was not well, she did not know what to expect of us. The nurse, an elderly lady spoke English and again we were able to tell someone, we were Christians and found our comfort in the LORD. She smiled, relieved.
I Thessalonians 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
excerpt from journal:
"Stephen is so precious. I get mixed emotions. I forget sometimes in my desires, his condition and just want him home Reality then sets in and I am back to the present. I recall my struggle with him the few days in my care. He is so ill. I know the nurses and doctors just wanted me to have that chance at home...to be his mommy, to be a whole family. They must have known, but with my success at taking care of him in the hospital; felt perhaps, it would work out for us...for a time anyway."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we arrived at the hospital I sat in the lounge while my husband checked at the front desk. People passed by to peek in at my baby...and then realized he was not well and sighed. I felt very awkward since I still did not speak good French. I smiled and said "Bonjour".
I hoped that Stephen would do well here and the nurse's care be as tender as his previous hospital. Kathryn wouldn't be nearby to check on him so often for us, and once again we had the hours drive one way.
We settled him into his room and spent some time with him alone. When suddenly we heard wailing and a woman running down the hallway. My heart raced.
"Oh my...what just happened!"
A mother had either received bad news about her child or her child had just died. We never did know. But, it was obvious the dire distress and grief of this woman's cries. I felt so helpless as I wanted so much to run out to her and hold her in my arms and tell her about the LORD. To give her hope.
My heart broke for her, knowing by her reaction, she must not have known the LORD. She had no consolation, no peace. She threw herself against the wall and wailed loudly.
The nurse in our care closed the door and just shook her head sadly. Knowing Stephen was not well, she did not know what to expect of us. The nurse, an elderly lady spoke English and again we were able to tell someone, we were Christians and found our comfort in the LORD. She smiled, relieved.
I Thessalonians 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
SOWING IN TEARS ..part 2
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered awhile, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen,settle you.
I Peter 5:10
As you read the above scripture, does it bother you? Does it make you question suffering or do you realize the purpose? It is clearly stated: to make you perfect, stablish, strengthen and settle you.
God desires your perfection in your walk of faith: your trust in his promises, in HIS WORD: in the work he desires to do in you, with you and for you. We are made perfect...by him, not of our own selves. It is his power working with in us as we yield to his will.
As the potter with the clay. He molds and works with the clay until it is becomes that desired vessel. A clay pot must have strength in order to be used. I'm reminded of a tea pot I just read about recently. The Brown Betty, it is made of a special clay and over years...the method of making has modified to what is called slip casting which gives the pot and even thickness and smooth finish inside and out and it's usefulness is making the "perfect" pot of tea. It became a "staple" of life for the British. Tea time was no longer just for high society but for every commoner.
I love this illustration as it proves once again in God's creation..his perfection. This clay for the Brown Betty is an earthen clay founded in 1695 in Stoke-on-Trent.
I happen to own one of these simple brown English teapots. I had no idea until recently it's great value. It was given to me as a gift by my husband...during this time living in Switzerland.
God is not the author of confusion and he surely has given me an understanding of his great care. I shouldn't be, but am amazed at times how things like this little teapot unknown to me then, purchased during that time...is so significant to my story this night.
"Thank you, Lord"
This reminds me also of a story I once read about the Refiners Silver.
A group of women in a Bible study group came across the verse in:
Malachi 3:3 "And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver:
The verse puzzled the women and one of the women wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
She decided to seek out a Silversmith to find an answer. She made an appointment with a refiner and did not tell him why she was coming to observe his work other than her curiosity in the process of refining silver.
As she watched the Silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot...then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the Silversmith if it was true that he Had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined? The man answered, yes. He not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment.
Then she asked, "How do you know...when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled and answered...... "When I can see my own image reflected back to me."
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
II Corinthians 3:18
For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory:
While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
II Corinthians 4:16-18
As you struggle through each day...think upon God's work in your life.
Is he trying to get your attention? Is there something in your life that is an impurity that needs to be refined? Or perhaps...he just wants you to shine brighter so that he can see his image in you.
Ponder this verse..
Proverbs 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
Oh the wonders of God's blessed WORD and his work in the hearts of man.
If ever a time in my life was the heat felt...also was his loving kindness.
Though others may not have known the work being done in my heart...I knew...God knew...and it continues to this day.
I Peter 5:10
As you read the above scripture, does it bother you? Does it make you question suffering or do you realize the purpose? It is clearly stated: to make you perfect, stablish, strengthen and settle you.
God desires your perfection in your walk of faith: your trust in his promises, in HIS WORD: in the work he desires to do in you, with you and for you. We are made perfect...by him, not of our own selves. It is his power working with in us as we yield to his will.
As the potter with the clay. He molds and works with the clay until it is becomes that desired vessel. A clay pot must have strength in order to be used. I'm reminded of a tea pot I just read about recently. The Brown Betty, it is made of a special clay and over years...the method of making has modified to what is called slip casting which gives the pot and even thickness and smooth finish inside and out and it's usefulness is making the "perfect" pot of tea. It became a "staple" of life for the British. Tea time was no longer just for high society but for every commoner.
I love this illustration as it proves once again in God's creation..his perfection. This clay for the Brown Betty is an earthen clay founded in 1695 in Stoke-on-Trent.
I happen to own one of these simple brown English teapots. I had no idea until recently it's great value. It was given to me as a gift by my husband...during this time living in Switzerland.
God is not the author of confusion and he surely has given me an understanding of his great care. I shouldn't be, but am amazed at times how things like this little teapot unknown to me then, purchased during that time...is so significant to my story this night.
"Thank you, Lord"
This reminds me also of a story I once read about the Refiners Silver.
A group of women in a Bible study group came across the verse in:
Malachi 3:3 "And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver:
The verse puzzled the women and one of the women wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
She decided to seek out a Silversmith to find an answer. She made an appointment with a refiner and did not tell him why she was coming to observe his work other than her curiosity in the process of refining silver.
As she watched the Silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot...then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the Silversmith if it was true that he Had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined? The man answered, yes. He not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment.
Then she asked, "How do you know...when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled and answered...... "When I can see my own image reflected back to me."
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
II Corinthians 3:18
For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory:
While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
II Corinthians 4:16-18
As you struggle through each day...think upon God's work in your life.
Is he trying to get your attention? Is there something in your life that is an impurity that needs to be refined? Or perhaps...he just wants you to shine brighter so that he can see his image in you.
Ponder this verse..
Proverbs 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
Oh the wonders of God's blessed WORD and his work in the hearts of man.
If ever a time in my life was the heat felt...also was his loving kindness.
Though others may not have known the work being done in my heart...I knew...God knew...and it continues to this day.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
SOWING IN TEARS....part 1
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5
Many times in the Christian life we are called upon to suffer for the LORD.
Suffer? you might ask? ...to be partakers of his Glory: that we may know him and the power of his grace working in us.
Romans8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Heartbreak...of the LORD? Sadness...of the LORD? Loneliness...of the LORD?
Yes, if it is the work of grace in your heart or another that must be accomplished.
For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
II Corinthians 4:6
Are you willing to suffer for the sake of another souls salvation? Are you willing for yourself...to know the LORD and understanding of his ways. Suffering teaches us so much.
We learn thankfulness when all is then well. We learn the compassion of a tender heart. A more dedicated prayer life. A humbled spirit knowing our Lord Jesus himself suffered for us.
Is not the light afflictions we suffer, as nothing compared to what the LORD Jesus saved us from at Calvary!
We love him, , because he first loved us. I John 4:19
He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him: and with his stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5
As I examined myself in this time with Stephen. My heart was humbled with the knowledge of God's saving grace shown and given to me upon my desire. It was there for my taking. He had already suffered for me..already paid my sin debt.
Could I not take with a loving heart of trust what he had dealt with me? As Job, could I, would I retain my integrity. As Psalm 107 repeats...
Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
And so as my journey continues in walking with trust in the LORD. He reveals his loving kindness in manifold ways. Through his wondrous WORD, through people,
through his creation surrounding me and through his Holy Spirit of comfort within.
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
I Peter 4:12-13
I met with Madame S. (our English social worker) at the hospital. We spoke with a nurse and Pediatrician. The doctor confirmed that Stephen was not well and it appears by examination and his distress that without surgery he would not live long. He was put back on oxygen support, for comfort.
He was to be transferred back to the other hospital within the week.
Kathryn came by the house that evening. We had a very good witness about the LORD once again. She cried as we shared the Lord's sufferings and how unworthy we are to partake of all his goodness..and yet he so lovingly calls us over and over again to repent of our sins and to take of his forgiveness.
In my prayers for her that night I pleaded for her soul to respond. Oh, if she were to get saved! What joy I would have...and what comfort it would give my heart. How my grief would be assuaged.
The LORD was indeed working upon this dear ones heart.
Would she accept? or will she as so many who hear the call but do not respond, go on with their lives of rejection.
Oh, how I pleaded in my prayers for her with tears.
Many times in the Christian life we are called upon to suffer for the LORD.
Suffer? you might ask? ...to be partakers of his Glory: that we may know him and the power of his grace working in us.
Romans8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Heartbreak...of the LORD? Sadness...of the LORD? Loneliness...of the LORD?
Yes, if it is the work of grace in your heart or another that must be accomplished.
For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
II Corinthians 4:6
Are you willing to suffer for the sake of another souls salvation? Are you willing for yourself...to know the LORD and understanding of his ways. Suffering teaches us so much.
We learn thankfulness when all is then well. We learn the compassion of a tender heart. A more dedicated prayer life. A humbled spirit knowing our Lord Jesus himself suffered for us.
Is not the light afflictions we suffer, as nothing compared to what the LORD Jesus saved us from at Calvary!
We love him, , because he first loved us. I John 4:19
He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him: and with his stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5
As I examined myself in this time with Stephen. My heart was humbled with the knowledge of God's saving grace shown and given to me upon my desire. It was there for my taking. He had already suffered for me..already paid my sin debt.
Could I not take with a loving heart of trust what he had dealt with me? As Job, could I, would I retain my integrity. As Psalm 107 repeats...
Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
And so as my journey continues in walking with trust in the LORD. He reveals his loving kindness in manifold ways. Through his wondrous WORD, through people,
through his creation surrounding me and through his Holy Spirit of comfort within.
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
I Peter 4:12-13
I met with Madame S. (our English social worker) at the hospital. We spoke with a nurse and Pediatrician. The doctor confirmed that Stephen was not well and it appears by examination and his distress that without surgery he would not live long. He was put back on oxygen support, for comfort.
He was to be transferred back to the other hospital within the week.
Kathryn came by the house that evening. We had a very good witness about the LORD once again. She cried as we shared the Lord's sufferings and how unworthy we are to partake of all his goodness..and yet he so lovingly calls us over and over again to repent of our sins and to take of his forgiveness.
In my prayers for her that night I pleaded for her soul to respond. Oh, if she were to get saved! What joy I would have...and what comfort it would give my heart. How my grief would be assuaged.
The LORD was indeed working upon this dear ones heart.
Would she accept? or will she as so many who hear the call but do not respond, go on with their lives of rejection.
Oh, how I pleaded in my prayers for her with tears.
Monday, February 25, 2008
JUST CALL ME....Mommy
I will cry unto God most high: unto God that performeth all things for me.
Psalm 57:2
Not only were we expecting the social worker..but our dear friends Anne-Marie and Jack were coming for dinner. I wanted them to come and quickly. We needed help with our decision concerning Stephen. His continued distress troubled me and I felt my own weakness' causing guilt.
"Is it my weakness, LORD, or does Stephen need the care of the nurses?...am I failing my son!"
Later that afternoon while Anne-Marie and I visited, the social worker Madame H. also came to visit. I was so thankful to have both of them with me...ladies I could confide in and trust their judgment of my dilemma.
At this time also...my neighbor who didn't speak English stopped by for tea! I didn't know how to tell her that I was busy and so gestured for her to come in. It just so happened that the visitors I already had were fluent in French.
"Thank you, Lord!"
While we discussed Stephen's condition as I was feeding him....once again with great force his feeding spewed out. They quickly helped me...and we soon had Stephen calm and resting. One helped clean-up, one cradled Stephen while I prepared his clean clothing and another spoke gently to the other children.
I was heartbroken.
Always surrounded by nurses...I just wanted to be...his mommy. The past few days I held him close, I rocked him, I sang to him. I did all the things I wanted as a mother with my child in the privacy of my own little world.
"Why? is this happening? Is it something I am doing wrong?"
These ladies consoled and gave me such comfort with their caring hearts and wisdom. They too agreed, Stephen did not look well and to check with the doctor the next day.
I was so thankful for that perfect timing once again. Not just one lady to help me, but three: a dear Christian friend who prayerfully in her heart could seek God in giving me an answer, a social worker who could access the situation in the family needs of each individual and then a common neighbor who's compassion showed in her deep concern.
The fellowship of dear Christian friends brought us true joy at such a needed time. The rest of the evening brought peace with enjoyment of their company and time with our children.
That evening, late... well after another feeding; Stephen became very distressed and crying. I couldn't get him quiet and I was too afraid to pick him up for fear he would vomit again. His color was not good and scared us. We called Claudine (mid-night) and she came over to watch the children for us while we transported Stephen to the hospital. I'll never forget the look on her face. I know her heart felt our fear.
As I sat in the back of our van cradling Stephen in my arms, crying and praying. My dear husband spoke words of comfort, reminding me of God's grace and care shown to us. He reassured me that I did the best I could and that Stephen knew this too.
I remembered the "Angels Chorus Sang".
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9
As we entered the hospital, I immediately felt relief. I knew he was in the best of care. The nurses hugged me and they also reassured me that it was alright. Stephen needed to be there; he did not look well.
The ride home was a very sad time for us. My arms were empty of my son once again.
The next morning the first social worker I spoke with Madame S. (whom I had the wonderful opportunity of a witness) called to tell us, the Cardiologist wants to observe Stephen for a few days back at the other hospital. She will visit with me soon.
"Lord, is this another open door? it must be... Oh LORD, let us be yielded to thy will and our prayers heard as we seek to show your love to others"
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God: and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God towared us, because that God sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
I John 4:7-11
Psalm 57:2
Not only were we expecting the social worker..but our dear friends Anne-Marie and Jack were coming for dinner. I wanted them to come and quickly. We needed help with our decision concerning Stephen. His continued distress troubled me and I felt my own weakness' causing guilt.
"Is it my weakness, LORD, or does Stephen need the care of the nurses?...am I failing my son!"
Later that afternoon while Anne-Marie and I visited, the social worker Madame H. also came to visit. I was so thankful to have both of them with me...ladies I could confide in and trust their judgment of my dilemma.
At this time also...my neighbor who didn't speak English stopped by for tea! I didn't know how to tell her that I was busy and so gestured for her to come in. It just so happened that the visitors I already had were fluent in French.
"Thank you, Lord!"
While we discussed Stephen's condition as I was feeding him....once again with great force his feeding spewed out. They quickly helped me...and we soon had Stephen calm and resting. One helped clean-up, one cradled Stephen while I prepared his clean clothing and another spoke gently to the other children.
I was heartbroken.
Always surrounded by nurses...I just wanted to be...his mommy. The past few days I held him close, I rocked him, I sang to him. I did all the things I wanted as a mother with my child in the privacy of my own little world.
"Why? is this happening? Is it something I am doing wrong?"
These ladies consoled and gave me such comfort with their caring hearts and wisdom. They too agreed, Stephen did not look well and to check with the doctor the next day.
I was so thankful for that perfect timing once again. Not just one lady to help me, but three: a dear Christian friend who prayerfully in her heart could seek God in giving me an answer, a social worker who could access the situation in the family needs of each individual and then a common neighbor who's compassion showed in her deep concern.
The fellowship of dear Christian friends brought us true joy at such a needed time. The rest of the evening brought peace with enjoyment of their company and time with our children.
That evening, late... well after another feeding; Stephen became very distressed and crying. I couldn't get him quiet and I was too afraid to pick him up for fear he would vomit again. His color was not good and scared us. We called Claudine (mid-night) and she came over to watch the children for us while we transported Stephen to the hospital. I'll never forget the look on her face. I know her heart felt our fear.
As I sat in the back of our van cradling Stephen in my arms, crying and praying. My dear husband spoke words of comfort, reminding me of God's grace and care shown to us. He reassured me that I did the best I could and that Stephen knew this too.
I remembered the "Angels Chorus Sang".
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9
As we entered the hospital, I immediately felt relief. I knew he was in the best of care. The nurses hugged me and they also reassured me that it was alright. Stephen needed to be there; he did not look well.
The ride home was a very sad time for us. My arms were empty of my son once again.
The next morning the first social worker I spoke with Madame S. (whom I had the wonderful opportunity of a witness) called to tell us, the Cardiologist wants to observe Stephen for a few days back at the other hospital. She will visit with me soon.
"Lord, is this another open door? it must be... Oh LORD, let us be yielded to thy will and our prayers heard as we seek to show your love to others"
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God: and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God towared us, because that God sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
I John 4:7-11
Thursday, February 21, 2008
HOME AT LAST ...part 2
Our second day home was very trying to both my spirit and my flesh.
As a christian it is vital to keep the LORD forefront in our hearts and minds, lest the flesh get the best of us. Prayer...our fellowship with God and our strength renewed. His WORD, our very necessary food...spiritual nourishment.
I Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
As the above verse states: this is no different situation than other mother's have faced..common to so many, yet as a Christian, there is a difference. I can seek His face and know that he is GOD and that he allows certain times in our lives for a purpose. To prove us, to use us, to mold us.
Is there a way for me to escape....to bear it....
PRAYER. TRUST. FAITH.
I wanted so desperately to run to God's arms...fears had compassed me about. I was so exhausted. I did not realize how much stress I had put on myself..requiring my own perfection!I wanted each of my children to feel loved. I did not want to neglect my husband...and I did not want to fail, Stephen.
My husband had been up early with three of the children getting them off to school, while I took care of the babies. Our youngest daughter...so sweet, just followed me around watching. Every now and then I'd stoop down to give her a little hug of assurance. Her daddy would spend time with her and little Charlie reading stories in the living room, so that I could focus on Stephen.
This was the day, the tubing needed to be changed. I dreaded this day coming. No nurses around to aid me. My confidence was waning. I gently pulled the tubing out before giving him a bath. His mouth was always very dry due to the tubing and so it was necessary to swab his mouth continually and also keep his skin soft with lotion.
I hated the medical smell of the lotion prescribed for his skin...I wanted so much to put "baby" lotion on him and soak in that sweet baby smell so familiar to mothers.
Often, in my fleshly mind...I would feel cheated...and then I would call to remembrance my witness with Kathryn. That precious soul responding to the call of salvation. Each day spent with her was confirmation of God's work in her life and in ours.
(...that ye may be able to bear it)
"Yes, Lord...I do want to be used for your honor and glory. Oh, how I want so much for Kathryn and others to have the salvation we know !"
I put the tube in half way and at the same time Stephen became very distressed and his skin color changed to a grayish blue, I gently, but quickly pulled it back out.
Fear had gripped my soul.
I tried again, but Stephen kept choking and became very agitated.
"Oh dear, LORD.....I'm so afraid!!" "How...am I going to do this, again and again and again!!"
I managed to reinsert the tube, but the agitation made him very tired and he quickly went to sleep... while I went to the other room...and cried.
My husband reassured me and said next time he would stand nearby if I needed help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The time had come...my own weakness settled in...
I prayed:
"Oh, Lord..what is in store for me? I know that you love me LORD, I know you are with me...I'm scared...but I do have hope. I know you are with me.
Oh, how I pray for these dear souls that have come my way. Oh, LORD..if Stephen's life is this witness of your grace...oh, please help me to know what to do"
Watching Stephen even for just this day, caused me great concern. He just didn't look well. Maybe it was just my inner fears.
I'll try again until Friday and if Stephen is too distressed and his appearance not well, he'd be better in the care of the nurses.
The next day, I finally found a moments peace and managed to have a quiet time all my own. The elder children in school, my husband took the youngest two with him shopping and Stephen was sleeping.
Another social worker who was to check on our progress was due to visit. A very nice lady, but of commanding stature. I was anxious for this visit so that she could help me evaluate Stephen's condition. I want what is best for my baby and knew I must set aside my desires for him to be home with us as a family, if his needs are greater than I can provide.
Such a heart wrenching decision...to let go...to have him return when we waited so long for this time together.
As I sat next to his crib, stroking his forehead as he loved...I'd talk to him and the LORD at the same time.
"Stephen, surely God has placed you in our lives to strengthen our faith. We prayed to be used for his Glory...and he gave us your precious presence to cherish and watch his mighty hand. How Kathryn and others have come to love you as well....
Lord, let our lives bring forth your light...oh, may it shine through us...through our precious son."
As a christian it is vital to keep the LORD forefront in our hearts and minds, lest the flesh get the best of us. Prayer...our fellowship with God and our strength renewed. His WORD, our very necessary food...spiritual nourishment.
I Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
As the above verse states: this is no different situation than other mother's have faced..common to so many, yet as a Christian, there is a difference. I can seek His face and know that he is GOD and that he allows certain times in our lives for a purpose. To prove us, to use us, to mold us.
Is there a way for me to escape....to bear it....
PRAYER. TRUST. FAITH.
I wanted so desperately to run to God's arms...fears had compassed me about. I was so exhausted. I did not realize how much stress I had put on myself..requiring my own perfection!I wanted each of my children to feel loved. I did not want to neglect my husband...and I did not want to fail, Stephen.
My husband had been up early with three of the children getting them off to school, while I took care of the babies. Our youngest daughter...so sweet, just followed me around watching. Every now and then I'd stoop down to give her a little hug of assurance. Her daddy would spend time with her and little Charlie reading stories in the living room, so that I could focus on Stephen.
This was the day, the tubing needed to be changed. I dreaded this day coming. No nurses around to aid me. My confidence was waning. I gently pulled the tubing out before giving him a bath. His mouth was always very dry due to the tubing and so it was necessary to swab his mouth continually and also keep his skin soft with lotion.
I hated the medical smell of the lotion prescribed for his skin...I wanted so much to put "baby" lotion on him and soak in that sweet baby smell so familiar to mothers.
Often, in my fleshly mind...I would feel cheated...and then I would call to remembrance my witness with Kathryn. That precious soul responding to the call of salvation. Each day spent with her was confirmation of God's work in her life and in ours.
(...that ye may be able to bear it)
"Yes, Lord...I do want to be used for your honor and glory. Oh, how I want so much for Kathryn and others to have the salvation we know !"
I put the tube in half way and at the same time Stephen became very distressed and his skin color changed to a grayish blue, I gently, but quickly pulled it back out.
Fear had gripped my soul.
I tried again, but Stephen kept choking and became very agitated.
"Oh dear, LORD.....I'm so afraid!!" "How...am I going to do this, again and again and again!!"
I managed to reinsert the tube, but the agitation made him very tired and he quickly went to sleep... while I went to the other room...and cried.
My husband reassured me and said next time he would stand nearby if I needed help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The time had come...my own weakness settled in...
I prayed:
"Oh, Lord..what is in store for me? I know that you love me LORD, I know you are with me...I'm scared...but I do have hope. I know you are with me.
Oh, how I pray for these dear souls that have come my way. Oh, LORD..if Stephen's life is this witness of your grace...oh, please help me to know what to do"
Watching Stephen even for just this day, caused me great concern. He just didn't look well. Maybe it was just my inner fears.
I'll try again until Friday and if Stephen is too distressed and his appearance not well, he'd be better in the care of the nurses.
The next day, I finally found a moments peace and managed to have a quiet time all my own. The elder children in school, my husband took the youngest two with him shopping and Stephen was sleeping.
Another social worker who was to check on our progress was due to visit. A very nice lady, but of commanding stature. I was anxious for this visit so that she could help me evaluate Stephen's condition. I want what is best for my baby and knew I must set aside my desires for him to be home with us as a family, if his needs are greater than I can provide.
Such a heart wrenching decision...to let go...to have him return when we waited so long for this time together.
As I sat next to his crib, stroking his forehead as he loved...I'd talk to him and the LORD at the same time.
"Stephen, surely God has placed you in our lives to strengthen our faith. We prayed to be used for his Glory...and he gave us your precious presence to cherish and watch his mighty hand. How Kathryn and others have come to love you as well....
Lord, let our lives bring forth your light...oh, may it shine through us...through our precious son."
HOME AT LAST....part 1
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever experienced a time in your life that you felt so feeble and without strength to accomplish a needful and tedious task? One that would affect a part of your life forever!This is how overwhelmed I was in the beginning of my training with the nurses to insert Stephen's feeding tube. I could not imagine myself being able to accomplish such task, yet it was so vital for me to do. I knew that failure would grieve my heart for life. I needed strength beyond my measure.
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Isaiah 40:28-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The day was finally here. Stephen is coming home!
Claudine watched the other children, while my husband and I drove to the hospital. It seemed strange to be going to the hospital to bring our baby home, as if we were new parents. Months had passed...he was now six months old...and yet, to us, we were welcoming home our new baby...and a baby brother. Now, as a family, we could enjoy the memorable moments of babies cooing and cuddling. Singing lullabys and watching them grow.
As we gathered up Stephen's few belongings...his prized mobile hanging over his crib, his little home-made teddy bear and a few items for his immediate care, we were set to go home. A nurse escorted us to the entrance where our van was parked and gave us a hug goodbye. As I began to step into the back to be with Stephen, I took one last look up at the window of his room and there stood a solem looking nurse. I knew by her countenance, that she must have had tears in her eyes. She sweetly smiled and gave a faint wave of goodbye.
Another moment...touching my heart...another moment of hope, that this nurse was touched by our lives and would see the LORD's care for us. Oh, how I wanted our life to manifest his grace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we drove up the moutain side, both my husband and I had mixed emotions. Our family finally will be whole, but also within, the fear of not being able to be the parents we needed to be to our now six precious children. Both of us, wanted to have quality time with them. To love them all and not let Stephen's condition dominate over a normal life for all of us.
"Is this possible?...yes, together we will all strive for it to be so."
Claudine brought the children home when we arrived and lovingly they all wanted to see and hug their little brother. Little voices of glee and aww. This was their first time to hold him alone and feel his presence as part of a family. I carefully placed him in each lap for just a moment and each placed a light kiss upon his forehead.
Our first day went as well as we had hoped. Little Charlie cried a lot. I'm sure he felt the gap in his usual attentive care that was now being shared with his twin brother. My heart felt heavy, knowing I had to give much needed care to Stephen and also make sure Charlie didn't feel neglected.The other children played quietly as they knew they needed this first day of homecoming for both Stephen and myself.
Such wonderful children!
So reponsive to the needs at hand without whining or demands.
"Oh, how I love them!!"
How thankful I was for the training we had instilled in them: kindness being a virtue even in small children: quietness in time of need and sharing.
The first evening was a bit trying. We settled the children for bed with their usual Bible story, then Claudine and her husband joined us for coffee. As I held Stephen feeding him through the tube, suddenly all that I had fed him spued out with great force. My heart sunk. His coloring turned bluish and my heartbeat raced. Everyone jumped up to help and console. We took Stephen to his room and tried to calm him. The anxiety of myself and the comotion had scared him. Charlie began to wail and so we found it necesary to put Charlie's crib in our room so that Stephen could rest quietly once he calmed.
I went to bed late, but Stephen slept well. I awoke for his five o'clock feeding. I was so tired, I wondered how I was going to manage, already feeling drained. I felt such pressure not to fail. My neighbors waiting and watching, the nurses.
My husband was my greatest help and comforter. Lovingly helping in any way possible.
Truly blessed. My family...the joy of my heart. My husband....my greatest, friend.
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever experienced a time in your life that you felt so feeble and without strength to accomplish a needful and tedious task? One that would affect a part of your life forever!This is how overwhelmed I was in the beginning of my training with the nurses to insert Stephen's feeding tube. I could not imagine myself being able to accomplish such task, yet it was so vital for me to do. I knew that failure would grieve my heart for life. I needed strength beyond my measure.
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Isaiah 40:28-29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The day was finally here. Stephen is coming home!
Claudine watched the other children, while my husband and I drove to the hospital. It seemed strange to be going to the hospital to bring our baby home, as if we were new parents. Months had passed...he was now six months old...and yet, to us, we were welcoming home our new baby...and a baby brother. Now, as a family, we could enjoy the memorable moments of babies cooing and cuddling. Singing lullabys and watching them grow.
As we gathered up Stephen's few belongings...his prized mobile hanging over his crib, his little home-made teddy bear and a few items for his immediate care, we were set to go home. A nurse escorted us to the entrance where our van was parked and gave us a hug goodbye. As I began to step into the back to be with Stephen, I took one last look up at the window of his room and there stood a solem looking nurse. I knew by her countenance, that she must have had tears in her eyes. She sweetly smiled and gave a faint wave of goodbye.
Another moment...touching my heart...another moment of hope, that this nurse was touched by our lives and would see the LORD's care for us. Oh, how I wanted our life to manifest his grace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we drove up the moutain side, both my husband and I had mixed emotions. Our family finally will be whole, but also within, the fear of not being able to be the parents we needed to be to our now six precious children. Both of us, wanted to have quality time with them. To love them all and not let Stephen's condition dominate over a normal life for all of us.
"Is this possible?...yes, together we will all strive for it to be so."
Claudine brought the children home when we arrived and lovingly they all wanted to see and hug their little brother. Little voices of glee and aww. This was their first time to hold him alone and feel his presence as part of a family. I carefully placed him in each lap for just a moment and each placed a light kiss upon his forehead.
Our first day went as well as we had hoped. Little Charlie cried a lot. I'm sure he felt the gap in his usual attentive care that was now being shared with his twin brother. My heart felt heavy, knowing I had to give much needed care to Stephen and also make sure Charlie didn't feel neglected.The other children played quietly as they knew they needed this first day of homecoming for both Stephen and myself.
Such wonderful children!
So reponsive to the needs at hand without whining or demands.
"Oh, how I love them!!"
How thankful I was for the training we had instilled in them: kindness being a virtue even in small children: quietness in time of need and sharing.
The first evening was a bit trying. We settled the children for bed with their usual Bible story, then Claudine and her husband joined us for coffee. As I held Stephen feeding him through the tube, suddenly all that I had fed him spued out with great force. My heart sunk. His coloring turned bluish and my heartbeat raced. Everyone jumped up to help and console. We took Stephen to his room and tried to calm him. The anxiety of myself and the comotion had scared him. Charlie began to wail and so we found it necesary to put Charlie's crib in our room so that Stephen could rest quietly once he calmed.
I went to bed late, but Stephen slept well. I awoke for his five o'clock feeding. I was so tired, I wondered how I was going to manage, already feeling drained. I felt such pressure not to fail. My neighbors waiting and watching, the nurses.
My husband was my greatest help and comforter. Lovingly helping in any way possible.
Truly blessed. My family...the joy of my heart. My husband....my greatest, friend.
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9
Monday, February 18, 2008
BE OF GOOD COURAGE....part 5
Another day inserting the feeding tube. This day was the most trying of all.I inserted the feeding tube and it came out his mouth. I was so discouraged. This made me all the more fearful...of myself!
The nurses reassured me that I will do fine, just a minor setback..they have them too.
"Dear God, please give me strength!"
Stephen is scheduled to come home in 3 days...
My husband had taken time off of work so we could all be home and adjust. The children were so anxious to have their other little brother home. My eldest daughter, just 6 years old, was so helpful with little Charlie. She loved to hold him.
They too have visited the hospital and understood Stephen's condition.
"Stephen won't be able to crawl around like Charlie and bounce on your knees; he will need special care at home just like at the hospital."
We couldn't wait until we could all sit around as a family and laugh together, read stories and sing. Our family time is so precious to us. They are such sweet children!I am so thankful for their tender hearts, kind and loving.
Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
We prepared the "baby room" with two little cribs and all the necessary items needed for Stephen's special care..boxes full.
I must continue to draw strength from the LORD and not succumb to my own fears. The battles of this flesh can be so wearisome. Truly mankind, needs GOD. Truly in the depths of one's soul...they know...they know without him...there is not understanding nor peace.
Each day I see the LORD, a little more closely...a little less of self and more of HIM.
When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.Psalm 63:5-8
The nurses reassured me that I will do fine, just a minor setback..they have them too.
"Dear God, please give me strength!"
Stephen is scheduled to come home in 3 days...
My husband had taken time off of work so we could all be home and adjust. The children were so anxious to have their other little brother home. My eldest daughter, just 6 years old, was so helpful with little Charlie. She loved to hold him.
They too have visited the hospital and understood Stephen's condition.
"Stephen won't be able to crawl around like Charlie and bounce on your knees; he will need special care at home just like at the hospital."
We couldn't wait until we could all sit around as a family and laugh together, read stories and sing. Our family time is so precious to us. They are such sweet children!I am so thankful for their tender hearts, kind and loving.
Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
We prepared the "baby room" with two little cribs and all the necessary items needed for Stephen's special care..boxes full.
I must continue to draw strength from the LORD and not succumb to my own fears. The battles of this flesh can be so wearisome. Truly mankind, needs GOD. Truly in the depths of one's soul...they know...they know without him...there is not understanding nor peace.
Each day I see the LORD, a little more closely...a little less of self and more of HIM.
When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.Psalm 63:5-8
Thursday, February 14, 2008
PSALM 36:5-7
Thy mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.
Thy righteousness is like the great mountains; thy judgments are a great deep: O LORD, thou preservest man and beast.
How excellent is thy loving kindness, O GOD! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings. Psalm 36:5-7
Often when my husband was gone on business trips and the children were quietly playing; I'd view from my living room window:
This glorious mountain...Mt. BLANC
Known in French as White Mountain, the highest peak in the Alps and in Western Europe.
I somehow found solace in looking at this magnificant creation of God. I remember thinking:
"LORD, there has to be a Bible verse for this mountain. It is so glorious..as you are...it speaks to my heart of your majesty."
I then took my Bible and looked up verses on mountain...and there is was...Psalm 36:6
"I knew it!....I just knew there was a verse!"
I was so elated....it was a confirmation to my spirit of the hope and courage I still had within. I cried.
A perfect view...perfect place to be...at such a time! God knew I would need to be in this house, right here, so that I could behold his wonders and know HE IS GOD.
Mt. Blanc requires it's climbers to have a guide and proper equipment. It's long course includes delicate passages and hazardous rock slides. At least one night at the "refuge" is needed to survive.
This was true of my tedious climb up the mountain of hope. A long course with delicate passages...(my course in learning to insert Stephen's tube, nurses...my guide)...the hazardous slides (my own fears and weakness')...the night of "refuge"...(finding this mountain verse in God's Word).
Oh the comfort of God's blessed hand...under the shadow of thy wings.
After finding this verse; each glance at my window brought blessed peace to my heart and mind.
(this picture hangs in my home as a reminder of God's great love and majesty)
Psalm 34:3 O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.
A NOTE OF THANKS
Just a brief post to THANK YOU...those who come to visit. Not everyone leaves a comment, but I know you have been here and it encourages me as you allow me to share my story. I know there are hundreds of stories...similar to mine.
I hope that you will continue to visit as you read the unfolding of God's wonderous graces and His PERFECT PLAN. Tears well up in my eyes when I recall this most trying time, yet most blessed...in my walk with my Lord.
God bless you with a cup of refreshing.
I hope that you will continue to visit as you read the unfolding of God's wonderous graces and His PERFECT PLAN. Tears well up in my eyes when I recall this most trying time, yet most blessed...in my walk with my Lord.
God bless you with a cup of refreshing.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 4
Today was a very scary day. Stephen turned blue while choking as I inserted the tube. I think he sensed I was nervous today with three nurses and a new one I did not know.
Every day, I wonder what God's will is for us...where this is leading...
How I manage, will truly be by the grace of God.
ANOTHER DAY...
The nurse had me insert the tube totally on my own from the beginning to end. I did okay, but while feeding him he spit up quite a bit. The nurse told me that yesterday had not been a good day for him. When he spit up it had shot across the room. Quite a violent reaction to his feeding.
I fear now...
Am I capable of taking care of him...with no nurses beside me!
"Oh, Lord...I want to trust you...but I am so afraid. How long will this go on? Maybe, once he gets home...everything will settle down and he will adjust and not need the feeding tube for long."
Psalm 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
I recieved a wonderful letter from my OB doctor back home.
"How thoughtful of him to take time out of his busy schedule to think of...me!"
A friend of mine had told him about my delivery and Stephen's present condition.
I remember getting the doctor's okay to leave for Switzerland...seven months pregnant with twins! He knew better than to question my trust in the LORD as I had witnessed to him already through two of my other children's births. Now, I am able to write back and tell him once again how GOD has cared for all my needs.
"Thank you, Lord...for another encouraging moment of hope!"
I Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
I do love the LORD and I know my life is his. He not only has prepared Heaven for me..but so much more that I cannot even comprehend. His love is endless.....
WHY? every person on earth is not saved...I cannot understand.
GOD...GOD of creation...all the evidence surrounding us that he exist. Who made the eye that it can SEE! Oh the wonders of it all...color, light...the ability to READ words and understand it! The nervous system..the heart...
Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
Every day, I wonder what God's will is for us...where this is leading...
How I manage, will truly be by the grace of God.
ANOTHER DAY...
The nurse had me insert the tube totally on my own from the beginning to end. I did okay, but while feeding him he spit up quite a bit. The nurse told me that yesterday had not been a good day for him. When he spit up it had shot across the room. Quite a violent reaction to his feeding.
I fear now...
Am I capable of taking care of him...with no nurses beside me!
"Oh, Lord...I want to trust you...but I am so afraid. How long will this go on? Maybe, once he gets home...everything will settle down and he will adjust and not need the feeding tube for long."
Psalm 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
I recieved a wonderful letter from my OB doctor back home.
"How thoughtful of him to take time out of his busy schedule to think of...me!"
A friend of mine had told him about my delivery and Stephen's present condition.
I remember getting the doctor's okay to leave for Switzerland...seven months pregnant with twins! He knew better than to question my trust in the LORD as I had witnessed to him already through two of my other children's births. Now, I am able to write back and tell him once again how GOD has cared for all my needs.
"Thank you, Lord...for another encouraging moment of hope!"
I Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
I do love the LORD and I know my life is his. He not only has prepared Heaven for me..but so much more that I cannot even comprehend. His love is endless.....
WHY? every person on earth is not saved...I cannot understand.
GOD...GOD of creation...all the evidence surrounding us that he exist. Who made the eye that it can SEE! Oh the wonders of it all...color, light...the ability to READ words and understand it! The nervous system..the heart...
Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
He which hath begun a good work...
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.
I was encouraged in this verse in my youth as a new Christian. Learning: that when we trust the LORD as our personal Savior...it does indeed become PERSONAL. A work had begun in my new life in Christ.
II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new crature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Moment by moment, day by day, year by year...people, places and events...working in my life....GOD's desires.
Phillipians 2:13For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
As I yield each moment, day and year to the LORD...I ALLOW this perfect work to be done.
Romans 6:16 Know ye not that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?
I've chosen...to yield...my life to the LORD JESUS. To let him have his way with me. For surely as he has created me..he knows me.
Isaiah 29:16Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteeemd as the potter's clay: for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding?
I find great comfort in knowing God has prepared a way for me.
Isaiah 55:8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are highter than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
It is good for me to read the Bible..and know GOD. To read the words, HE has chosen...not man...
II Timothy 3:16aAll scripture is given by inspiration of God....Revelation 21:5...Write: for these words are true and faithful.Proverbs 30:5Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
As I seek him, I find him and understanding of HIS ways.
Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the LORD with all thine hert; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
I am strengthened in my walk with him as I yield and know his way with me is perfect. In trials..
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.James 1:3-4...
Wanting nothing?....do I want to escape this trial? or let GOD work in me what he choses? Perhaps, he is doing more than I can imagine...it is in faith..faith that pleases GOD..to wait on him..and let him.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory:While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:17
I must remember this. Time passes quickly...yea,in a moment the years pass!
(let me note here...that it has been 26 years since this trial and GOD has always been at my side..he has never left me comfortless...and HIS WORD is my treasure!
Psalm 119:49-50 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.
I was encouraged in this verse in my youth as a new Christian. Learning: that when we trust the LORD as our personal Savior...it does indeed become PERSONAL. A work had begun in my new life in Christ.
II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new crature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Moment by moment, day by day, year by year...people, places and events...working in my life....GOD's desires.
Phillipians 2:13For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
As I yield each moment, day and year to the LORD...I ALLOW this perfect work to be done.
Romans 6:16 Know ye not that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?
I've chosen...to yield...my life to the LORD JESUS. To let him have his way with me. For surely as he has created me..he knows me.
Isaiah 29:16Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteeemd as the potter's clay: for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding?
I find great comfort in knowing God has prepared a way for me.
Isaiah 55:8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are highter than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
It is good for me to read the Bible..and know GOD. To read the words, HE has chosen...not man...
II Timothy 3:16aAll scripture is given by inspiration of God....Revelation 21:5...Write: for these words are true and faithful.Proverbs 30:5Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
As I seek him, I find him and understanding of HIS ways.
Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the LORD with all thine hert; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
I am strengthened in my walk with him as I yield and know his way with me is perfect. In trials..
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.James 1:3-4...
Wanting nothing?....do I want to escape this trial? or let GOD work in me what he choses? Perhaps, he is doing more than I can imagine...it is in faith..faith that pleases GOD..to wait on him..and let him.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory:While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:17
I must remember this. Time passes quickly...yea,in a moment the years pass!
(let me note here...that it has been 26 years since this trial and GOD has always been at my side..he has never left me comfortless...and HIS WORD is my treasure!
Psalm 119:49-50 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.
Monday, February 11, 2008
BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 3
(I am alone and my husband is gone on a business trip for a week)
Today is the fourth session of inserting the feeding tube.
Fear gripped my heart when Stephen began to choke; I had so feared the tube going the wrong way and into his lungs. But, this lasted just a moment and he was fine. After we settled down from his feeding...I sat in the chair beside his crib stroking his forehead as he calmly went to sleep.
"How long he is going to live, LORD? Will I be able to handle his needs along with those of the other children? I must trust you, LORD. I must keep your word in my heart continually, knowing you are with me."
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm chpt. 19 verse 14
Kathryn stopped by to tell me the Pediatrician said that we can take Stephen home whenever we feel comfortable taking care of him.
I am so happy....yet so fearful.
TWO DAYS LATER...My grandpa died today and my heart grieves not being able to be with my family. Growing up without my father; grandpa was an important part of my life. I can see all our memories passing before my eyes and touching my heart.
It hurts so much!
I've never had anyone close to me die! It especially sorrows my heart not knowing if he had ever trusted Christ as his Saviour. So often I had tried to tell him about the LORD's saving grace and merciful kindness. A kind, but tough man...he didn't need GOD.
Tears flood my soul at the anquishing thoughts of a dying lost man. How I hope he trusted Christ as the dying thief. Repenting moments from death...to hear the blessed Son of God say:
"...To day shalt thou be with me in paradise." St. Luke chpt. 23 verse 43
verse 39-43 And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him saying, If thou be the Christ, save thyself and us.
But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation?
And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds:
but this man hath done nothing amiss.
And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.
And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day....
And I spoke with my mother:
"Please mom, read in the Bible I John chapter 5. All my strength comes from the LORD and even alone at this time...he will help me. I'll be okay."
Sorrowful, yet rejoicing...because I myself have the LORD. How thankful to know Him, His word and His comfort. Today, is another day of spiritual growth in the LORD. Understanding life and death, it's reality...and the great hope of Eternal Life found in the LORD JESUS CHRIST.
Today is the fourth session of inserting the feeding tube.
Fear gripped my heart when Stephen began to choke; I had so feared the tube going the wrong way and into his lungs. But, this lasted just a moment and he was fine. After we settled down from his feeding...I sat in the chair beside his crib stroking his forehead as he calmly went to sleep.
"How long he is going to live, LORD? Will I be able to handle his needs along with those of the other children? I must trust you, LORD. I must keep your word in my heart continually, knowing you are with me."
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm chpt. 19 verse 14
Kathryn stopped by to tell me the Pediatrician said that we can take Stephen home whenever we feel comfortable taking care of him.
I am so happy....yet so fearful.
TWO DAYS LATER...My grandpa died today and my heart grieves not being able to be with my family. Growing up without my father; grandpa was an important part of my life. I can see all our memories passing before my eyes and touching my heart.
It hurts so much!
I've never had anyone close to me die! It especially sorrows my heart not knowing if he had ever trusted Christ as his Saviour. So often I had tried to tell him about the LORD's saving grace and merciful kindness. A kind, but tough man...he didn't need GOD.
Tears flood my soul at the anquishing thoughts of a dying lost man. How I hope he trusted Christ as the dying thief. Repenting moments from death...to hear the blessed Son of God say:
"...To day shalt thou be with me in paradise." St. Luke chpt. 23 verse 43
verse 39-43 And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him saying, If thou be the Christ, save thyself and us.
But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation?
And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds:
but this man hath done nothing amiss.
And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.
And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day....
And I spoke with my mother:
"Please mom, read in the Bible I John chapter 5. All my strength comes from the LORD and even alone at this time...he will help me. I'll be okay."
Sorrowful, yet rejoicing...because I myself have the LORD. How thankful to know Him, His word and His comfort. Today, is another day of spiritual growth in the LORD. Understanding life and death, it's reality...and the great hope of Eternal Life found in the LORD JESUS CHRIST.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 2
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. AMEN. Ephesians Chpt. 3 verse 20-21
Another day...another weakness in my flesh...but strength in the Spirit.
As the above verse states. HE is able to do above all that we ask or think. And so, my prayer to God continued: asking him to help me in my weakness; those times, when my heart ached, my stomach was in knots and fears compassed me.
How I thanked God for sending Kathryn to befriend me... A NURSE...oh of all people!
The very person who's words encouraged me.
"Oh,(Hope) you can do it again... You did much better than some students I've watched...GOD did indeed help you didn't he!"
The nurses warned me before I proceeded for the second time: that the tube can be inserted incorrectly and enter his lung, causing him breathing problems and his coloring turn black. (this had happened already with the nurses). It overwhelmed me hearing this. I couldn't let the nurses know that my heart at that moment: literally ached. They had to tell me. They had to inform me of every little thing that could and would go wrong.
"I must do it again...poor little guy...he needs to be home."
The nurse brought in a stroller so I could take Stephen for a walk around the hospital grounds. It would be our first time...all alone.
One of the nurses walked with me to the elevator and then to the front entrance. I thanked her and then...Stephen and I...together... took our walk in the sunshine of a beautiful fall day.
As I walked... I spoke with Stephen telling him how much we loved him, about his brothers and sisters and what it would be like to be home. I also spoke with the LORD. Thanking him for all he had already done for me. The comfort his word brings to my heart. I thanked him for giving us his word so that we can have assurance and know him.
I began to recall in my thoughts the years prior and how GOD had strengthened me then and shown his will.
In 1979 my first son was born with jaundice and I remember how helpless I felt. I didn't know at the time, how common this condition is: especially in boys. Because he was allowed to go home and released from the newborn nursery; when his test result numbers were to high, he had to be readmitted to a regular hospital room. I had to stay with him and watch him while he was under a special lighted isolet. Oh, the trauma for me then; seeing my new baby having to have special care.. his eyes had to be covered with little patches and the nurses would come in to prick his tiny feet. I cried. But, he would be fine and go home in a couple of days.
Then this same son at six months old developed a virus with a vey high fever and was admitted to the hospital. The doctor had him put into a crib with an oxygen tent and said that we would first try antibiotics and if his fever did not go down, he'd do a spinal tap. I tried to calm my son the best I could and soon he fell asleep. The nurses checked on him often and since I was to be there overnight in his room; I made myself comfortable in a recliner provided and began to read my Bible.
After being settled in...I overheard a doctor talking to the patient on the other side of the separating curtain. An elderly lady who was being told how to give herself injections for diabetes. I could hear the fear in her voice as she asked him questions. The doctor sounded very clinical. I felt so sorry for her. When the doctor left, I peeked around and asked if I could speak with her. She smiled and obliged, so I took my Bible and began to encourage her in the LORD and read some scriptures. I then left my Bible with her for the night. The next morning her son came in and after visiting with his mother, asked to speak with me... he said:
"I want to thank you for talking with my Mother last night. You helped her so much! She has been up all night reading the Bible and found so much comfort that now, she says she has the courage to do the injections by herself. Thank you so much!"
She was being released to go home and before leaving thanked me and returned my Bible. Just a short while later, my doctor came in for his routine stop and informed me that my son's fever was gone: the meds worked and he could go home today!
PRAISE THE LORD!!
THAT is why I was here....for that sweet little lady! What comfort came to my heart, knowing it was all part of GOD's plan.
Now the God of all peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. AMEN. Hebrews Chpt.13 verses 20-21
As I recalled this...I could now plainly see, how GOD so graciously had prepared me for the present. A little strengthening here and there: the purpose shown and a blessing in the end.
Stephen and I had walked the perimeter of the hospital and now back to the entrance, I took him upstairs and prepared myself for the next lesson. I bathed him and inserted the tube as the nurses watched over...
and all was well...once again.
Another day...another weakness in my flesh...but strength in the Spirit.
As the above verse states. HE is able to do above all that we ask or think. And so, my prayer to God continued: asking him to help me in my weakness; those times, when my heart ached, my stomach was in knots and fears compassed me.
How I thanked God for sending Kathryn to befriend me... A NURSE...oh of all people!
The very person who's words encouraged me.
"Oh,(Hope) you can do it again... You did much better than some students I've watched...GOD did indeed help you didn't he!"
The nurses warned me before I proceeded for the second time: that the tube can be inserted incorrectly and enter his lung, causing him breathing problems and his coloring turn black. (this had happened already with the nurses). It overwhelmed me hearing this. I couldn't let the nurses know that my heart at that moment: literally ached. They had to tell me. They had to inform me of every little thing that could and would go wrong.
"I must do it again...poor little guy...he needs to be home."
The nurse brought in a stroller so I could take Stephen for a walk around the hospital grounds. It would be our first time...all alone.
One of the nurses walked with me to the elevator and then to the front entrance. I thanked her and then...Stephen and I...together... took our walk in the sunshine of a beautiful fall day.
As I walked... I spoke with Stephen telling him how much we loved him, about his brothers and sisters and what it would be like to be home. I also spoke with the LORD. Thanking him for all he had already done for me. The comfort his word brings to my heart. I thanked him for giving us his word so that we can have assurance and know him.
I began to recall in my thoughts the years prior and how GOD had strengthened me then and shown his will.
In 1979 my first son was born with jaundice and I remember how helpless I felt. I didn't know at the time, how common this condition is: especially in boys. Because he was allowed to go home and released from the newborn nursery; when his test result numbers were to high, he had to be readmitted to a regular hospital room. I had to stay with him and watch him while he was under a special lighted isolet. Oh, the trauma for me then; seeing my new baby having to have special care.. his eyes had to be covered with little patches and the nurses would come in to prick his tiny feet. I cried. But, he would be fine and go home in a couple of days.
Then this same son at six months old developed a virus with a vey high fever and was admitted to the hospital. The doctor had him put into a crib with an oxygen tent and said that we would first try antibiotics and if his fever did not go down, he'd do a spinal tap. I tried to calm my son the best I could and soon he fell asleep. The nurses checked on him often and since I was to be there overnight in his room; I made myself comfortable in a recliner provided and began to read my Bible.
After being settled in...I overheard a doctor talking to the patient on the other side of the separating curtain. An elderly lady who was being told how to give herself injections for diabetes. I could hear the fear in her voice as she asked him questions. The doctor sounded very clinical. I felt so sorry for her. When the doctor left, I peeked around and asked if I could speak with her. She smiled and obliged, so I took my Bible and began to encourage her in the LORD and read some scriptures. I then left my Bible with her for the night. The next morning her son came in and after visiting with his mother, asked to speak with me... he said:
"I want to thank you for talking with my Mother last night. You helped her so much! She has been up all night reading the Bible and found so much comfort that now, she says she has the courage to do the injections by herself. Thank you so much!"
She was being released to go home and before leaving thanked me and returned my Bible. Just a short while later, my doctor came in for his routine stop and informed me that my son's fever was gone: the meds worked and he could go home today!
PRAISE THE LORD!!
THAT is why I was here....for that sweet little lady! What comfort came to my heart, knowing it was all part of GOD's plan.
Now the God of all peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. AMEN. Hebrews Chpt.13 verses 20-21
As I recalled this...I could now plainly see, how GOD so graciously had prepared me for the present. A little strengthening here and there: the purpose shown and a blessing in the end.
Stephen and I had walked the perimeter of the hospital and now back to the entrance, I took him upstairs and prepared myself for the next lesson. I bathed him and inserted the tube as the nurses watched over...
and all was well...once again.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
AS AN ANGELS CHORUS SANG
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10
Oh how I prayed for strength to accomplish this task for Stephen. I had the courage..but how to perform it, that would take strength. Fears encompassed my heart.
EXCERPT from my journal:
The LORD ever so faithful, lifted my weary soul and strengthened me. I prayed for strength.
Today, I inserted the feeding tube. The nurses were amazed at my ablity. They had fears, that I being his mom.. would find it too difficult emotionally to perform.
Stephen was so calm; as if angels had hovered over us and sang a heavenly chorus. Never had he been so calm: normally he would have been squirming around and agitated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a very pleasant time and I was able to tell the nurses in my own sort of way...it was GOD who helped me. They were so happy for me that one by one they each gave me a hug of congratulations.
I imagined later the songs sung...
There is a place of comfort sweet, Near to the heart of God, A place where we our Savior meet, Near to the heart of God.
O Jesus blest redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us who wait before thee, Near to the heart of God.
and perhaps this one:
All creatures of our God and King, Lift up your voice and with us sing..
Alleluia, Alleluia..O praise him, O praise him...Alleluia
In a letter to a friend back home..I wrote these words:
I see Stephen as the LORD's vessel of honor right before my eyes, watching GOD using him for our witness. What joy it brings my heart!
In my own thoughts:
Has not God proven in the years that I have been saved: his loving kindness, his provisions, and his grace. Truly, each day the truth is more evident. How glad I am to be a partaker of his divine grace.
Oh how I pray that one day, I might lead a soul to the Saviour. That they might know the joy of his salvation, the free pardon of sin and peace that passeth all understanding."
Oh how I prayed for strength to accomplish this task for Stephen. I had the courage..but how to perform it, that would take strength. Fears encompassed my heart.
EXCERPT from my journal:
The LORD ever so faithful, lifted my weary soul and strengthened me. I prayed for strength.
Today, I inserted the feeding tube. The nurses were amazed at my ablity. They had fears, that I being his mom.. would find it too difficult emotionally to perform.
Stephen was so calm; as if angels had hovered over us and sang a heavenly chorus. Never had he been so calm: normally he would have been squirming around and agitated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a very pleasant time and I was able to tell the nurses in my own sort of way...it was GOD who helped me. They were so happy for me that one by one they each gave me a hug of congratulations.
I imagined later the songs sung...
There is a place of comfort sweet, Near to the heart of God, A place where we our Savior meet, Near to the heart of God.
O Jesus blest redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us who wait before thee, Near to the heart of God.
and perhaps this one:
All creatures of our God and King, Lift up your voice and with us sing..
Alleluia, Alleluia..O praise him, O praise him...Alleluia
In a letter to a friend back home..I wrote these words:
I see Stephen as the LORD's vessel of honor right before my eyes, watching GOD using him for our witness. What joy it brings my heart!
In my own thoughts:
Has not God proven in the years that I have been saved: his loving kindness, his provisions, and his grace. Truly, each day the truth is more evident. How glad I am to be a partaker of his divine grace.
Oh how I pray that one day, I might lead a soul to the Saviour. That they might know the joy of his salvation, the free pardon of sin and peace that passeth all understanding."
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 1
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24
The doctors decided now that Stephen was five months old and required minimal care, it was time to try and send him home. The small hospital had limited space as well.
One of the doctor's asked to speak with me and suggested I learn the tube feeding so that Stephen could go home and be with us as a family. The nurses had tried unsuccessfully feeding him solid foods. His swallowing was impaired and so the tube feedings would have to continue to be his means of nourishment for the time being.
NOTE: the doctors and nurses did not expect Stephen to live this long.
My thoughts once again raced and my heart as much...
"me?...I'm not a nurse!....and what if I can't!...OH! LORD!...I have to so I can bring Stephen HOME."
With the encouragement of the staff; I'd come a couple days a week to learn the procedures. Feeding and bathing.
The first few weeks I observed the daily routine. I watched the gentle care and precise details of every move they made.
At this same time...We received a much needed and timely letter from our Pastor back home. Encouraging words...
"The LORD has given you much to do, that he may reward you in the future. So many fail with little responsibility. Praise the LORD for those who remain strong and receive the grace God desires to bestow upon us who will let him."
My husband was my greatest supporter. He knew that it was something only I could do; something I needed to do ...as Stephen's mother. He helped me as much as he could even with the weighted responsibilities on his job. He often had to make trips away from home. I know these were stressful times, leaving us alone. But, we both understood our callings in our service to God as a family.
Mine...the wonderful "ministry" of MOTHERHOOD. A noble and honorable calling. Oh how,I love my children, they have never been a "burden" to me. I noted in my journal...
"My husband and I share a special love for our children and the joy of both of us being Christians with the same desires...to nurture them in the admonition of the LORD GOD. They truly must be the sweetest children on earth."
Little Charlie..Stephen's twin brother (not indentical)...was a chubby healthy baby with deep set brown eyes and a sweet smile. Everyone that came to visit held him and gave extra love knowing the absence of his twin. Claudine loved to babysit him when she was able.
Now...we needed to prepare for Stephen to join him in the same room. We were already blessed with the needed "twin" clothing and only had to purchase another crib.
Is it possible?...that finally...we will have TWINS! at home with us.
A crash course in Nursing 101... Clinical was about to begin....
The doctors decided now that Stephen was five months old and required minimal care, it was time to try and send him home. The small hospital had limited space as well.
One of the doctor's asked to speak with me and suggested I learn the tube feeding so that Stephen could go home and be with us as a family. The nurses had tried unsuccessfully feeding him solid foods. His swallowing was impaired and so the tube feedings would have to continue to be his means of nourishment for the time being.
NOTE: the doctors and nurses did not expect Stephen to live this long.
My thoughts once again raced and my heart as much...
"me?...I'm not a nurse!....and what if I can't!...OH! LORD!...I have to so I can bring Stephen HOME."
With the encouragement of the staff; I'd come a couple days a week to learn the procedures. Feeding and bathing.
The first few weeks I observed the daily routine. I watched the gentle care and precise details of every move they made.
At this same time...We received a much needed and timely letter from our Pastor back home. Encouraging words...
"The LORD has given you much to do, that he may reward you in the future. So many fail with little responsibility. Praise the LORD for those who remain strong and receive the grace God desires to bestow upon us who will let him."
My husband was my greatest supporter. He knew that it was something only I could do; something I needed to do ...as Stephen's mother. He helped me as much as he could even with the weighted responsibilities on his job. He often had to make trips away from home. I know these were stressful times, leaving us alone. But, we both understood our callings in our service to God as a family.
Mine...the wonderful "ministry" of MOTHERHOOD. A noble and honorable calling. Oh how,I love my children, they have never been a "burden" to me. I noted in my journal...
"My husband and I share a special love for our children and the joy of both of us being Christians with the same desires...to nurture them in the admonition of the LORD GOD. They truly must be the sweetest children on earth."
Little Charlie..Stephen's twin brother (not indentical)...was a chubby healthy baby with deep set brown eyes and a sweet smile. Everyone that came to visit held him and gave extra love knowing the absence of his twin. Claudine loved to babysit him when she was able.
Now...we needed to prepare for Stephen to join him in the same room. We were already blessed with the needed "twin" clothing and only had to purchase another crib.
Is it possible?...that finally...we will have TWINS! at home with us.
A crash course in Nursing 101... Clinical was about to begin....
Monday, February 4, 2008
...AND FAMILY.
The days were passing well for Stephen. He was sustaining his own with minimal oxygen. Much to the surprise of the doctors and nurses. He'd watch his mobile with plastic farm animals dangling in a circular motion to music, cooing with contentment. (to this day... I still have the music box of the mobile and have played it for all my grandchildren).
I even found time to sew him a little denim teddy bear. My own pattern, with a red bow tied around his neck. The nurses were touched by my little "homemade" gift. It made me feel good for them to see that I did take the "time" for him even though my visits weren't as often as we wanted or maybe as they expected!The nurses assured me that he loved his little bear and mobile.
Happy days brought sunshine to the days that had been shadowed with sadness. Stephen's contentment and our Christian fellowship in the new church we attended, and the news of a planned visit from our mothers.
We were so anxious for their arrival...cleaning and making things special for their visit. The children colored banners of "Welcome" to put up on the garage door for viewing as they entered our roadway.
Upon their arrival there were hugs and tears of joy. A full two weeks of FAMILY!
My mother and I went to visit Stephen together and took photos of us each holding him. Knowing the distance from the hospital was a dilema for us, she was encouraged to help in a Ronald McDonald house upon her return home. I didn't know about these places in the U.S. that help parents/family with loved ones hospital bound. Living quarters close to the hospital, often right across the street, free of charge to families who must travel a good distance to be with their loved one.
We also rode the train one day to the city....another a car ride through the villages...and a walk to the local dairy many times for cheese and fresh milk. They loved getting to visit first hand the real life of a Swiss village and meet Claudine and her family.
The weekend before they left we took a wonderful journey to Zermat the village near the foot of "The Matterhorn". Zermat is known as the village without cars, with only access by shuttle-train. My husband and his mother took the ski lift to The Matterhorn, while my mother and I stayed with the children and enjoyed the shops and scenery and just being together. The fresh mountain air and beautiful flowers adorning everything in sight enveloped my thoughts with pure pleasure and thankfulness. It was truly a comforting moment.......of rest.
II Samuel 22.34 He maketh my feet like hinds feet: and setteth me upon my high places.
I even found time to sew him a little denim teddy bear. My own pattern, with a red bow tied around his neck. The nurses were touched by my little "homemade" gift. It made me feel good for them to see that I did take the "time" for him even though my visits weren't as often as we wanted or maybe as they expected!The nurses assured me that he loved his little bear and mobile.
Happy days brought sunshine to the days that had been shadowed with sadness. Stephen's contentment and our Christian fellowship in the new church we attended, and the news of a planned visit from our mothers.
We were so anxious for their arrival...cleaning and making things special for their visit. The children colored banners of "Welcome" to put up on the garage door for viewing as they entered our roadway.
Upon their arrival there were hugs and tears of joy. A full two weeks of FAMILY!
My mother and I went to visit Stephen together and took photos of us each holding him. Knowing the distance from the hospital was a dilema for us, she was encouraged to help in a Ronald McDonald house upon her return home. I didn't know about these places in the U.S. that help parents/family with loved ones hospital bound. Living quarters close to the hospital, often right across the street, free of charge to families who must travel a good distance to be with their loved one.
We also rode the train one day to the city....another a car ride through the villages...and a walk to the local dairy many times for cheese and fresh milk. They loved getting to visit first hand the real life of a Swiss village and meet Claudine and her family.
The weekend before they left we took a wonderful journey to Zermat the village near the foot of "The Matterhorn". Zermat is known as the village without cars, with only access by shuttle-train. My husband and his mother took the ski lift to The Matterhorn, while my mother and I stayed with the children and enjoyed the shops and scenery and just being together. The fresh mountain air and beautiful flowers adorning everything in sight enveloped my thoughts with pure pleasure and thankfulness. It was truly a comforting moment.......of rest.
II Samuel 22.34 He maketh my feet like hinds feet: and setteth me upon my high places.
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