Watering Wells of Hope

A Memory...Diagnosis

2011-12-20T10:10:00.000-08:00

This month marks the time...two years ago, I was diagnosed with invasive Breast cancer.

At the time, I had no idea what I was going to face in this dreadful disease that afflicts so many.

INVASIVE...not a good word to hear in Cancer.

BREAST CANCER...runs in my family.

My husband and I patiently sat in the waiting room to hear further information on what my treatments would entail.

SURGERY....what kind? Consultation with surgeon to follow.

OPTIONS..thankful we have them. DECISIONS....what is best for...ME?

SUNDAY PREACHING....Three Reasons We Suffer.

1. Your own transgressions
2. Your adversary to "TEST" your FAITH.
3. Bring GLORY to GOD by showing HIS strength, power and grace..in YOU!

A look at the sufferings of Paul the Apostle.

I remember the sufferings of Missionary Hudson Taylor.

When a new born Christian...I asked my husband ...WHY??

I could not then....THEN. Comprehend the reasons, the suffering and pain the heartache..the toil.

Til...my own turn came.

Not with Breast Cancer. But a son born with Downs Syndrome and a congenital heart defect. He would not live long. Nine Months after birth...he died.

The precious "lost" soul of a nurse was saved.

I'm thankful my memory...is that of GOD's GRACE at such a time.

WHY??? GOD's Divine purposes.

My FAITH was indeed tested. The adversary worked hard as well..sifting as wheat.

God's Glory? You ask?

AT SUCH A TIME???

YES...my FAITH strengthened with comfort, hope and courage. My FAITH revealed even to myself that it was REAL and full of power, even yet unbeknownst to me. It was working in me.

Again it would work in me...through my Breast Cancer Journey.

FAITH...would I trust GOD again...with my life...with my future...with HIS purpose?

A friend wrote me a song...PEACE AT SUCH A TIME.

Yes, again it came. It was there in full assurance. COURAGE to believe and endure.

Surgery would remove a tumor...no mastectomy.

I chose to read Psalm 55: 18, 22 before bed the night before surgery.

The surgery showed invasive...

January 20th pathology report... not in my lymph nodes.

January 21st...my 55th Birthday

January 25th surgeon appointment(the day my son died years earlier)

NOTE** #5 is GRACE
20 = 5 x 4 25 = 5x5 55 = 5 x 10

I'm thankful my MEMORY is that of God's Grace shown to me at such a time.

A Diagnosis that now is a memory for me. A memory of HIS GRACE.

Through one trial and test of faith...death came.

Through another...life was spared.

GOD's work and will performs HIS good purpose. Romans 8:28

We must believe it and trust HIM...

He will give you GRACE in time of need.

He will give you STRENGTH, COURAGE and HOPE.

Have no Fear. Jesus in near.

LIFE...will you fear and not let GOD show you HIS care...HIS work and HIS promises???

This life is a testing ground...of how you will live it. How you will affect others. And...what will you do with Jesus?

Hymn What Will You Do With Jesus?
Albert B. Simpson 1843-1919

Jesus, I give thee my heart to-day!
Jesus I'll follow Thee all the way.
Gladly obeying Thee! "will you say,
This will I do with Jesus!

What will you do with Jesus? Neutral you can not be;
Some day your heart will be asking, "What will He do with me?"

Take the LORD JESUS a your Saviour today..not at this "season" but for all eternity!!!

I pray this post is an encouragement to believe and trust and REJOICE.

Memories can be full of GRACE.

HOPE

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2011-10-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

It's time to remember the IMPORTANCE of Breast Cancer Awareness! Time to get your yearly Mammogram. I read that if you plan your yearly around another event..you are more likely to REMEMBER!

I FORGOT...I got BREAST CANCER!

I let two years slip by....my BREAST CANCER was not found by a lump. It could ONLY BE DETECTED BY DIGITAL MAMMOGRAM!

Even if it is October...an unlikely month isn't it for PINK...but by those wearing it....

It will definitely stand out!

I had my last followup and now go for a yearly..so my date will be around my Birthday now. An easy time to REMEMBER..and a celebrating time for more reasons than one. Another birthday..and ANOTHER YEAR Breast Cancer FREE. My Yearly marks just happen to be in January when I had my surgery. A good way to start off the NEW YEAR also. REMEMBERING!

Remembering GOD's Grace upon my life...the journey and the blessings that came...
yes..through a TRIAL OF FAITH.

Congratulations to my fellow SURVIVORS!!
God bless.
HOPE

Looking Forward.

2011-08-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward...to more years of being Breast Cancer FREE!

All is well!

This lovely sewn portrait is an applique on a Breast Cancer Quilt in one of my doctor's offices that I visited today. It was too lovely to pass up, so with permission I took a pic of the quilt and focused on this one for my post tonight. I wish I knew who did this to give her due credit for her lovely work. I added the white printing.

It says what I felt today...Looking forward...

Day by Day and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here,
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear,
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best
Lovingly it's part of pain and pleasure
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Day By Day Oscar Ahnflet, 1813-1882

My wonderful husband accompanied me on to my follow up today. We both anticipated GOOD NEWS...but were prepared. I was so happy to have him along..a comforting friend...and my dinner date!

We celebrated the good news at Longhorn Steakhouse. I was LOOKING FORWARD to this nice meal with him. A FREE one at that! We used a gift card we have saved for this occasion..so making it that much more fun!

To yell... FREE ...FREE of Cancer...FREE dinner!!!

I really like the Western decor of this restaurant. Notice the saddle and the lassos and the sculpture cowboy... and of course on the back wall a LONGHORN!!

Look at the lighting...love the cut out cows and the horseshoe..and the antlers on the smaller light.

Our dinner was a nice peaceful moment to reflect on the goodness of GOD towards us this day.

Thank you to those who have kept me in prayer!!!

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence
cometh my help. Psalm 120:1

HOPE

Celebrations

2011-08-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

Seems that PINK comes into my life in so many different ways since my Breast Cancer journey.

My husband and I recently CELEBRATED our 37th wedding anniversary out of town. During our stay at a Hilton Garden Inn; the restaurant breakfast chef surprised us with the most GORGEOUS plated of Marcapon filled Cinnamon French toast...unbelievable delish!!! Drizzled with a thin strip of strawberry syrup and powdered sugar sprinkles..surrounded by fresh blueberries and strawberries and these two lovely flowers!!! Wishing us a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

This along with the view of a city from the large picture window and our prayer of thanksgiving to the LORD. It made a wonderful beginning to our day.

Little did the chef know that I will soon have LORD WILLING another HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!... in January it will be my Cancer Free two year mark!

I am scheduled for my LAST follow up Mammogram this coming Monday. If all is clear..it is back to the ROUTINE ONE YEAR MAMMOGRAM. Did YOU get yours THIS YEAR!????

If by God's purpose...he has chosen for it to return...I am prepared. He does all things well...for me. I trust his care and PURPOSE in my life and even in the midst of trial...anticipate the GOOD that comes to those who love HIM.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Many blessings come in so many ways...such as the Special Breakfast...a touch of kindness!

Special blessings come in trusting the LORD each and every day!

Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

HOPE

Happy is ME!

2011-07-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel...

and I love this photo...MAKES you SMILE.

I am happy to report again on the wonders of Organic Apple Cider Vinegar!!

I burned myself on the top of my hand...(to my dismay of scars! and NOT pulling out the oven rack to test my cakes)...

I remembered reading that the ACV could treat BURNS!!! I quickly dabbed a small amount on the burn ( a slight ting) the burn WAS..about 1/2 and inch long and a bubble. Each day I applied a dab whenever I was in my kitchen...and before bedtime.

VOILA...within a week...the burn has almost COMPLETELY disappeared. I did not take a photo..and wish I had to show you the quick succession of healing!! At this time is is barely noticeable. I am hoping there will not be even a tiny scar...to show my..well, you know! I HAVE LEARNED the hard way to finally, pull out the oven rack!

PLEASE NOTE CAUTION...on the type and severity of a burn you have. Research the methods of application first. I tried this on the basis of what I had read in my book on Apple Cider Vinegar with the Mother (Organic)

I will be posting more on the helps that ACV had done for me, personally. I've done a ton of research and everything I have read, confirms it's health benefits.

I've even given the book to my physician to read. She was very good about supporting me and wanting to help me by her own research as well. I'm anxious to speak with her when I see her again.

I recently saw a "Specialist" for GERD and he was quick, rude and put me on a med that made me more ill! THUS, the ACV book for my NICE physician and her help and concern to HEAL me, not treat the symptoms.

Sooo, we'll see. I wait on the LORD each day for HIS will and guidance in all matters of living and HEALTH.

STAY WELL...STAY HAPPY...AND WALK WITH THE LORD!
HOPE

Celebrating!

2011-06-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to report that my thyroid issues are finally under control!! I have lost one dress size!! sooo excited, since I gained going off my HRT at the time of my Breast Cancer diagnosis...then finding out after further weight gain...I had Hypothyroidism.

I've been taking my dosage of Synthroid..along with eating Lean Cuisine meals for dinner...AND the miracle of ORGANIC APPLE CIDER VINEGAR with the MOTHER!!! I use the BRAGG brand.

I take one TABLE spoon with a 1/4 cup purified water every morning and afternoon..DOWN THE HATCH...ewwww it is tart...like pickle juice. I'm use to it and not so bad...just be prepared!!!

This amazing vinegar...has soooo many health benefits. I believe this especially has helped with the weight.

I also know from EXPERIENCE...I had a severe stomach cramp come upon me one afternoon and ran to my Bragg ACV (apple cider vinegar) and within 10 minutes the pain was gone and did not return!!!

My daughter used this to heal a UTI my g'daughter age 11 had...completely cured!!

It is good for energy, blood pressure, digestive problems, joint pain etc. You can read about the benefits at the Bragg website or even a google search of the product speaks volumes.

I have one more Mammogram to go this month for my followups..and if all is well...BACK TO THE ONE YEAR Mammos! YEA!

I appreciate all the prayers from you!!! Thank you soo much!

To your health...
love,
HOPE

Early Detection Saves Lives..more ways than one!

2010-10-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

Early Detection Saves Lives(a Gospel Tract...compiled by HOPE)

As a CANCER SURVIVOR it is my desire to not only be a BREAST CANCER ADVOCATE...

but also to tell others the great PEACE that comes by knowing the LORD JESUS CHRIST as one's personal SAVIOUR. Therefore...I am also A SALVATION IN CHRIST...ADVOCATE!

ADVOCATE definition: To speak or write in favor of or urge by recommendation publicly. A person who speaks or writes in defence of a cause. A champion or counselor.

My cause: EARLY DETECTION SAVES LIVES

I want to urge, warn and tell others that EARLY DETECTION is vital.

Early detection is vital with a yearly mammogram...
Early detection is vital of sin in our lives...

Both lead to the SAVING of life..one in this earthy life...the other life ETERNAL.

When I was first DIAGNOSED with breast cancer..I knew I wanted to give others HOPE.

I missed my first chance to catch breast cancer...by not scheduling my YEARLY MAMMOGRAM. Two years later; by God's providence...I went in and found I already had INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA..stage one. Caught EARLY enough to save my life!

EARLY DETECTION!

And thus it is with SIN in our lives. If caught early...

OH HOW much sorrow and pain you miss!

A mammogram at that time, was the last thing on my mind. I was busy with life in general...though on my mind from time to time...I just put it off.

Sin is the same way in our lives. God in HIS faithfulness...presents not only HIS WORD but brings people into our lives to WARN...to URGE...us to heed what can SAVE our lives from ruin.

Our own conscience...warns...in our mind and heart from time to time..yet we..YES, just put it off.

Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
Romans 1:19-20

For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these having not the law, are a law unto themselves.

Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another.
Romans 2:15.

After being in a near fatal car accident at age 19, I realized then; after having someone read to me SCRIPTURE... the WORD OF GOD...these very passages. I understood the importance of having my sins forgiven. I had no excuse to put it off. I could have died IN my sins ..that very day. I trusted Christ as my Saviour at that moment. I detected...the SINs of my life still present with me...like a cancer that would grow.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with out Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1

The Word of God is as vital to your life as a mammogram. It reveals your condition (relationship) with GOD. It reveals a matter of life and death. SALVATION is the most important decision of your life. I know...it changed my life and brought peace like no other can.

A mammogram...reveals your condition of health. It can be a matter of life and death. Detection...saves lives...EARLY detection can determine a cure!

The cure to sin has been found...in the LORD JESUS CHRIST. HE paid it all!

By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. Hebrews 10:10

And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins: But this man, after had offered one sacrifice for sins forever,
sat down on the right hand of God...
Hebrews 10:11-12

And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. Hebrews 10:17

He loves you so much that he gave his SON for your life...HE paid the penalty of sin and promised not only Eternal life to those who put their trust in HIM...but also ALL his promises.

What RELIEF...I found at the cross. What relief I found when ...early detection of my sin brought me peace by making a decision in time!

What RELIEF...I found when getting my mammogram! Though the cancer, like sin was present. I made an important decision in time!

Will you dear friend make both these important decisions in time! Don't put it off!!

Verily, verily, I say unto you. He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.
St. John 5:24
These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
I John 5:13

God also promised in the trials of life...

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed: for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10

Though wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3

As an Advocate! Please get your yearly mammogram...and Trust Chirst as your Saviour!

Hope

All Bible verses from the King James 1611 Bible

Today Begins...BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

2010-10-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS!

This is the "cute" sticker used for my radiation treatments. I was so relieved to not get a "tattoo". I was surprised that in my therapy, such care for a small portion would include "cuteness". Some one knows WOMEN!! especially ME. I am known for finding the "cute" things in life.

Yes, you can hear me as I shop...

"oh, my..isn't that the CUTEST thing... that sooo CUTE!!"

I was pleasantly surprised as I went out in town today, to see so many in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Women wearing pink scarves...the stores having special sales with donations included in the purchase...and pink ribbons.

I WORE MY PIN!!

and I had to capture this while on vacation in upstate New York! Love it!!!

Please show your own awareness...by getting that appointment made that you keep putting off! PLEASE get your MAMMOGRAM!!!

...and if you have anything PINK....go ahead...wear it this month for a cause...even if it is FALL!!!

ORANGE AND PINK...mmm? maybe PINK and BROWN..YEEEES!!

God bless
HOPE

My salvation testimony has to do with a COW! Loong story, I need to post!

Things I've learned about CANCER continued...

2010-08-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

There is much to learn about CANCER...

A VITAL subject..that I took for granted before my own diagnosis.

#1 RESEARCH and LEARN THE TERMS regarding CANCER...BREAST CANCER especially for us women.

I remember when my mother had Breast Cancer...DCIS. I read up on it...thought about it..but then let the information leave my memory banks!

Upon my diagnosis for IDC...RESEARCH was necessary. I didn't know anything about IDC. The more I learned, the better understanding I had of not only what was going on with my body..but the outcome as well.

As mentioned in an earlier post...My Breast Cancer surgeon gave me a wonderful book on CANCER that was a valuable tool for me. It gave me confidence as I listened to her talk to me about my Breast Cancer. The TERMS she used...I understood. The PROCEDURES understood...helping with decisions I had to make regarding my care.

You can also visit RELIABLE sources...the Mayo Clinic... Breast Cancer.org...
Make sure you read good reliable information. There is a ton of information out there...be careful what you read. Some of the "forums" with people talking about their conditions are deceiving. Remember...some people are just basic "complainers"... and they most likely...do not have the same doctor as you.

Read about the BRAVE and the COURAGEOUS..it will help you a thousand times more!!

#2 LISTEN to YOUR DOCTOR.
People want to help with lots of advice...but YOUR CANCER is PERSONAL.
I have learned how very individualized Cancer is for each person...and of course it would be...as we all have different inherited genes etc.

#3 Cancer is NO RESPECT OF PERSON.

Young and old alike get Cancer..and young and old alike..SURVIVE!

#4 It's either there or it is not.
You cannot THINK you are getting Cancer. When diagnosed..it is there.
EARLY DETECTION is a must however, to keep it from GETTING worse...by having your YEARLY MAMMOGRAM. They are accurate..mine was found by digital mammography.

#5 Don't PANIC
Research for Cancer is amazing..and continues day after day. There is always NEW trials and medicines bringing about a CURE! The medical facilities available and the doctors are a TEAM waiting to help you.

#6 SUPPORT those you know who have Cancer.
Be there for them...it makes a world of difference. The encouraging words and hugs give COURAGE. Though I have my Faith in the LORD...and understanding of his ways in my life...THE SUPPORT that was given me...did help me through each day.

TO THOSE...THANK YOU!!!...and may I be there for you in your time of need!!

#7 Cancer brings COMPASSION.
People who might not have otherwise thought to reach out...DO!
Strangers care about people with CANCER.

#8 WEAR your BREAST CANCER PIN!!!
Show the world who you are! Let them know you are battling a disease with COURAGE and let them get in the fight too..PRAYING...HELPING...DONATING.

As a SURVIVOR...I wear my pin to show that I am just that...A SURVIVOR!!!

In one reading I found..it saddened me that the Author used terms such as Betrayal...hopeless...Helpless...

NO!!! None of these words should be in your Cancer vocabulary!!

Because THERE IS HOPE..HELP and no you are not betrayed!!!

Don't forget...it all began in the Garden of Eden with sin.

Are you SAVED? maybe GOD is trying to get your attention! YOU NEED HIM!

Are you letting GOD USE YOUR LIFE...for HIS GLORY! He always has a purpose!

God manifest HIS GRACE...HIS MERCIES..and HIS PROVIDENCE in the lives of Believers.

Let HIS WILL be done and...as my dear friend Kelly Anne's song on her blog says..

"I BELIEVE TO SEE....THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD!!"

Look for HIS GOODNESS...and see the TESTIMONY of HIS GRACES..even in CANCER.

I thank the LORD for all he has allowed to come into my life...for by these HE has shown himself STRONG for me...HIS PEACE and ASSURANCE TRUE. HIS WORD my every HOPE and HELP in time of need.

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9

I pray this has been hearty council in helping you..my friends.
HOPE

Things I've learned about CANCER!

2010-08-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

PEOPLE CARE!!

The lovely Quilt Block in the photo reminds me!!

This is one of many put into the wonderful BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR CELEBRATION QUILT...my online Quilting group made especially for me.

Many gifts came in the mail at various times in this journey...I was so touched by the KINDNESS and LOVING HEARTS that wanted to REACH OUT to me at this time in my life...TO ENCOURAGE...and SUPPORT!

There was a special TEA time with dear friends...flowers from afar...a lovely teacup keepsake given by a stranger! A Willow figurine of HOPE...homemade cards...a lovely Breast Cancer bracelet...GIFTS OF LOVE.

I've learned...how important the support system is for someone with CANCER.... any ailment for that matter. As I've just learned of my Hypothyroidism...and the affects even this has on ones body. SUPPORT and ENCOURAGEMENT help so much as you go through each day waiting for medicines to work...for a day of feeling GOOD.

Gifts are thoughtful and a reminder as you look upon them..but the HEART of the people is what matters most...FRIENDS...FAMILY...loving you!

I've also learned the MOST IMPORTANT... CHRIST is all sufficient!

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
...for when I am weak, then am I strong. II Corinthians 9-10b

My faith was encouraged as I read God's precious WORD...strengthened with courage and peace.

The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 21:24

If you know someone with CANCER or an ongoing illness...reach out to them! A word of encouragement...a card...tokens of your love for them.

Tell them the greatest of LOVE is the LOVE of CHRIST and how much HE LOVES THEM...

THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND SONG, AND IS BECOME MY SALVATION! Psalm 118:14

Changes in life...warnings!

2010-07-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

I found out yesterday that I have HYPOTHYROIDISM....and the meds I am taking will FINALLY help with my long enduring FATIGUE I have had for years..let alone after Breast Cancer surgery and Radiation.

Not only that! But weight! (so the photo above is ALL ABOUT hopefully..the NEW ME!!

Clothes that fit right and notice the CHOCOLATES..just kidding! But actually found out that %70 DARK chocolate at 2 pieces a day is good for you!!

I wondered WHY I had gained weight at the onslaught of my Breast Cancer diagnosis. I thought it strange. My dietitian said the 8 out of 10 women with Breast Cancer, gain weight.

Okay. But...since then, I have restricted my DIET and tried walking and drinking water like you wouldn't believe...EVERYTHING!!! and NOTHING was working!

I know my body...and something kept telling me..this is NOT right. I wasn't eating enough to gain...gain..gain. It was getting depressing.

A couple weeks ago I noticed increase swelling of my ankles..and other parts of my body (those I figured was weight gain or water weight) My feet have been aching for weeks and my legs...AND then my arms and hands...and numbness. STRANGE?

I had also noticed in these weeks my eyes being PUFFY..but thought it was my seasonal allergies. I've looked like this off and on all my life!

I missed filling my Blood Pressure meds (DO NOT DO THIS!!) due to a trip I made and just not realizing I was getting low...it happened unfortunately on a weekend ..the 4th of July so MONDAY the doctor's office was closed to do the okay refill..of all times it needed a doctors verification! SIGH. I went 5 days without...and by Tuesday..I was feeling pretty lousy...

I ran some errands but while in the store..thought..YOU better go check your Blood Pressure..RIGHT NOW! 173/92 Not good. I immediately checked out...and then drove to my doctors office. Praise the LORD..I got right in. I'm sure the BP reading and swollen ankles helped. I figured at the office I would get my meds without having to wait any longer...we did a EKG..FINE. Chest x-ray FINE.

Blood work...the results my Thyroid.

Makes so much sense to me now as I read over symtoms...WOW..I have them all.

Now about BREAST CANCER...and this. I was on HORMONE therapy for many many years..thus giving myself a synthetic hormone. Over the years...my level of fatigue had grown worse..and of course my HRT dosage was lessened..so less hormones. When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer..I immediately stopped my HRT...this was fueling my Cancer. So this then put me in a NO HORMONE status..thus the Thyroid event must have started revealing itself..slowly....and I'm assuming...at this point caught up with me.

Could it be the LORD allowed all this for me to FINALLY find out what my problems have been? I am soo THANKFUL for the relief this has brought me in KNOWING what is going on with my body and why!! Now, I can do something about it! AMEN!

What is funny...is that I noticed just recently that the outer part of my eyebrows seemed to be fading out? is this aging? Oh my?

NO a symptom of thyroid problems!

Also the puffy eyes...sudden weight gain...extreme fatigue.

It is noted that it causes joint pain, muscle aches...

a LOT of symptoms we tend to think are other problems. I did.

NOTE the THYROID affects EVERY part of your body!

These hormones T3 and T4

regulate metabolism

physical and mental development

nerve and muscle function (I read about this associated with Fibromyalgia also)

and circulation.

If you have any of these symptoms...a simple blood test can reveal the help you might need. However..I did have my Thyroid checked many times over the years.
Perhaps the HRT was masking it? It will be interesting to find out.

My mother and sister both have Thyroid issues..so guess who was next! ME.

I thank the LORD for revealing to me at this time how to take care of myself and to get back to good health.

I will be having an Ultrasound done in a couple months to check the Thyroid gland and lymph nodes. Please PRAY with me...for a good outcome.

I hope this information will be helpful.

Blessings and GOOD HEALTH TO YOU..
HOPE

2010-07-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

O Magnify the LORD with me...as I rejoice in the GOODNESS of the LORD!

I've had my follow up appointments with my Breast Cancer Surgeon and a mammogram...the first since my surgery (Lumpectomy)January 15.

ALL IS WELL.

I also spoke with my Medical Oncologist about the medication I was taking...and stopped. Though I understand completely the liability of a doctor. I pretty much could tell he agreed. He didn't pursue any persuasions or questions that might have made me decide otherwise. He didn't even say...think upon it more. I know he could see that I had researched..concluded the nutritional benefits and therefore felt I was confident in my decision. AMEN.

It was quite funny...as I have a weight loss goal I'm WORKING on...and at my first appointment did the weigh in... SIGH. And then one hour later at the next appointment ....weigh in time...WOW!! I LOST FOUR POUNDS in ONE HOURS TIME!!! AMAZING!!! ( a new kind of weight "watchers" diet!) you literally WATCH the scales change from place to place!

So that none are discouraged when visiting the doctor..make sure you weigh yourself at home or on a SAME SCALE each time for accuracy!!

I plan to post more CANCER information that I've gleaned and my own experiences in hopes of helping others in this journey or who might have fears of the "unknown". Find COMFORT in knowing the LORD is ever present...

and HE KNOWS...

the path that I take.

Psalm 34:1-4
I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make her boast in the LORD: the humble shall hear thereof and be glad.
O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Happy Birthday Kelly Anne

2010-06-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you... Philippians 1:3

This post is dedicated to Kelly Anne Johnson...

in celebration of her birthday July 3!

Kelly has been such an INSPIRATION to me and many others in her ongoing battle with Cancer...but also just being Kelly Anne!

She shows her care by
reaching out to others,
just to say...

"I'm praying for YOU!"

Words of comfort...
that come from her heart,
at such a time as this...

"I'm praying for YOU!"

Unselfish thoughts of joy
for others,

"I'm so happy for YOU!"

......and.....

She passes this along...
to those in her path,
a witness that is true...

"Grace upon Grace..Always enough...Always more"

Thank you Kelly Anne for your friendship...your kindness...your prayers...your faithfulness...and your testimony of LOVE for the LORD JESUS CHRIST!

Happy Birthday to you!!

Love,
HOPE

Vitamin D-3

2010-06-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

In my continued journey as a Breast Cancer Survivor...

Factual and documented INFORMATION is necessary...

...for decisions on continued treatments, nutrition and quality of life.

Most of all..PRAYER is VITAL!

I am so thankful that GOD intervenes and makes known to us what we desire for good reasons. I have asked for direction...for confirmations...but, with patient waiting.

I've done a lot of research and have found the IMPORTANCE of Vitamin D 3 in our nutrition. Many of us do not realize that we are Vit D deficient!

Vitamin D 3 (Cholecalciferol) has been found to be very beneficial for Breast Cancer patients... and studies show it lowers risk of certain cancers and recurrence!

Vitamin D can be found in Fortified Milk, cheese, butter, cream, fish, oysters and fortified cereals.

VIT D is also efficient for helping absorb Calcium. Calcium and Magnesium together help with absorption of these three vitamin supplements.

Vitamin D can be toxic in high doses. CAUTION should be taken and a doctor referral for proper dosage for age and health requirements

Vitamin D benefits include;

regulates immune system

Body weight

reduce risk of Rheumatoid Arthritis

absorbs calcium for healthy bones

lowers risk of developing cancer

lowers risk of recurring cancer.

Studies show that there can still be a deficiency regardless of nutritional status

The Dietary Guidlines...DRI..Dietary Reference Intakes.

IU international units 200 IU for most people

ages 50-70 400 IU

ages 71 + 600 IU

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE: I have been taking ARIMIDEX for the past three weeks.

The side affects have been:

INTENSE HOT flashes/sweating

Depression

Aching feet

Fatigue

Joint Pain

In my research of Vitamin D 3 along with some other nutritional values and findings of MY particular breast cancer (size-grade-type etc)it has a very very LOW recurrence percentage..I have decided to stop taking the Arimidex for the remaining month.

At the end of the month I will have my first follow up Mammogram since my diagnosis and see my Breast Cancer Surgeon as well as speak with my Medical Oncologist; to make my final decision on whether to continue with this medication.

This will not be a haphazard decision.

The side affects of this medication versus my recurrence rate will be the primary objective in my decision.

PLEASE NOTE...that all information here is to be further researched by the reader and advice should be sought from the medical profession.

THANKFUL for Life

2010-06-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

Yes..you are seeing DOUBLE! and below is the THIRD! ...no not Triplets..but mighty close! These are my three precious grandchildren born on the same day! One on the West Coast and Twins on the East Coast!

and...with my Breast Cancer SURVIVOR Journey...how THANKFUL I am this day to be alive to rejoice in this wonderful blessing of LIFE!

...How timely as I celebrate each day of surviving Breast Cancer...

We take so many ever day moments for granted...but the birth of a baby is so precious...such an awakening time...as we behold God's magnificent handiwork of LIFE

Innocence of life....

Sobering as well...to know the responsibility that lies ahead for the Parents...and then in years to come the child himself.

My husband and I were so blessed to hear our son tell us...

"My children, are going to know more about the LORD Jesus Christ...than any of their TOYS!"

He has obviously observed the video game "lock in" of the child's mind today.

As I think upon my journal here and how GOD has intervened in so many ways...HIS WATERING WELLS are never empty. I draw from them daily...and I know that my children that are now new parents will certainly draw from these also.

In my Cancer Journey....I am so THANKFUL for the testimony of God's Graces that I can share with my children and readers. To give HOPE and COURAGE as they..you..face the future.

We know not what a DAY brings forth...BUT GRACE ABOUNDS ...ALWAYS.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Now today...his perfect will and purpose is once again before us....You and I.

TRUST HIM.....TODAY.

Be encouraged by God's Word and the testimony of HIS good work in you.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with GOD through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My fatigue has improved by eating the infamous Energy Bar (recipe) I've listed! AMEN
I will be posting on some helpful health benefits of Vitamin D and other needful supplements. I've done a lot of research and so happy to find the information I needed. An answer to my prayers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessings..
HOPE

I'm Fine Really!

2010-05-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

I love this picture!!

...after some of my major fatigue days...I tried to convince myself of this!

I'm fine really!

just give me a minute...or two... or a CAT NAP and I'll be back in motion!

I am happy to say that most of those days are passing. I am one of those that tries to cram a million things to do in one day and now realize...there are limitations!

Like when I decided to move one shelf of things in my kitchen to another for easier reach..this led to moving a whole shelf of cookbooks...so that meant..

While I'm at it...better see if you need them all..

but wait..there MIGHT be some good recipe I noted...so with that..

Yes..an hour or two later..cookbooks scattered on the counter and my little save this one recipe paper(s)...

I found myself...saying...

WHAT HAVE I DONE?...

NOW I HAVE TO FINISH and clean this up in time to make dinner!

After dinner...and too tired for my evening cup of tea my husband prepared...I told him...

I'm fine really!

Breast Cancer Awarness Begins

2010-05-10T18:13:00.000-07:00

My Breast Cancer Awareness campaign began the moment I was diagnosed with IDC. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

Upon the news of my cancer...my family and friends began to immediately reach out. The above photo is of the lovely bracelet one of my daughter in laws sent me along with this Breast Cancer Awareness tote bag.

It was my first touching moment of the heart..that made me realize how much people care...this along with a dear friend who also told me

..."Whatever I can do, please let me know...I can drive you to your appointments...anything!!"

This was just the beginning of not only a new journey in my life...a new chapter in my Christian walk...also a journey of LOVE.

So many people have reached out to me...in calls, cards, gifts, blog comments and just being here in person in my midst...I can't thank you enough!

And then even a lovely SONG written by my friend Deborah at Songs of my Journey. If you click on the right top photo this will take you to her blog with the song she wrote just for me. It is a treasure to cherish!

I have been truly blessed..FROM THE BEGINNING...with God's tender care and mercies. I have had excellent doctors and nurses. All answers to prayer! They have been informative and personally caring.

This book was given to me by my surgeon and I have enjoyed it so much. The information continues to be very helpful. The more informed you are the better..but make sure it is sound information..reliable. Don't believe all you read just anywhere. This book list many sources available to you.

You can read more about this book and information at www.EduCareInc.com this book is written by an Oncology nurse.

It is important to get the facts straight. There are many types of cancers...and each individual persons body makeup is different. I have found each cancer is so individualized that it is important to listen to your doctors. Ask GOD for wisdom in choosing and finding the right doctor and one you are comfortable with. I did this..twice and the LORD led me to the very doctors "I" needed. Along with my doctors and the information I acquired were very helpful to me as a patient in understanding my diagnosis, procedure choices and outcome.

STAY POSITIVE! GOD knows ALL your needs. I chose to yield to HIS WILL and not my own and thereby found perfect peace in allowing GOD to direct my paths!

Proverbs 3;5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding, In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

As I've exhorted others..TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Some things I have learned:

EARLY DETECTION...SAVES LIVES!

Yearly mammograms...or 6 months if you have had a previous suspicious spot!
(I had a suspicious SPOT...a compression done... then told to come back in a year) I would have caught mine even earlier had I been told to come back in 6 months)

No one knows exactly what causes breast cancer.

Get a second physicians opinion..if possible a breast cancer SPECIALIST.

Do not think you must or will have to have a mastectomy. Depending on the cancer..size tumor etc. There are many options!! Learn them all.

You do not have to fear..RADIATION. If you have read my past post...I have finished six weeks of radiation with minimal problems. Mostly fatigue. It is a perfected and safe procedure. Get information on who and where you will have yours done.

Keep a record of ALL appointments..from the day of your mammogram on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some information regarding my particular cancer:
Mine was NOT felt with a lump. It was detected by a digital mammogram and followed up with a core needle ultrasound biopsy which confirmed the diagnosis of IDC. Not all breast cancers are found by lumps so this is why Mammograms are so vital!

It is my prayer and desire in keeping this journal of my breast cancer, that it will help someone else. Help them have HOPE and TRUST in the LORD and to know that the LORD JESUS is the great comforter!

UPDATE: I am still dealing with fatigue at this time so I will post as I am able...pacing my activities. I was told and read...that fatigue can linger for an unknown amount of time after radiation. You have to learn what you can do..I'm LEARNING that! I've done too much in one day, thinking I had this great energy..to find out it depleted quicker than anticipated! I need to remember, that I'm still healing! Praise the LORD!

God bless..
HOPE

Breast Cancer Survivor Celebration Quilt

2010-04-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

I was pleasantly surprised to receive this Wonderful, heartwarming gift in the mail Monday. This is only one side..the other holds many lovely blocks as well.

It is absolutely GORGEOUS!

A photograph does not even match the beauty it holds....nor the hearts of the ladies who made this. I have been a member of an online quilting group for the past four years..and during this time we have shared not only Quilting helps, ideas and swaps..but we have shared a lot of our life with one another. A diverse group...aged 20's - 70's...from newbies Quilters to experts. I have met two of the ladies in person..and one in our group is also a very very dear friend of mine living in another state. We have watched many of us suffer through difficulties and losses. Their support has been most encouraging to me at this time of my Breast Cancer Journey...and now this.

A token of LOVE from ladies all over the world. The United States..from the East to the West...from the U.K. and Australia! Just amazing. I am humbled at this thoughtful gift given with so much talent and time sacrificed for me.

Here is a sample of one with the Breast Cancer Ribbon.

And then...look at this!! The lovely square patch says "HOPE".

I thank the LORD for blessing my life so much...at such a time! He truly does make our paths to cross in the lives of others for so many reasons. I have been encouraged by HIS WORD, HIS PRESENCE and the people he has brought my way...even my readers here. THANK YOU!

These same ladies helped me make a Patriotic Quilt for my youngest son while he was in Iraq. (see my blog post archive at THIS IS THE DAY)

(UPDATE) my fatigue seems to be getting better! Might be the energy bar recipe I've been making! I will be giving you more information on cancer itself in upcoming post and my own experience and what has helped.)

Blessed is the people that know the joyful sound: they shall walk, O LORD, in the light of thy countenance. Psalm 89:15

Blessings to you..
HOPE

Radiation Therapy Graduation

2010-04-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

Edit...there was some other picture here that was not mine...so it is now gone. I don't know how it came on here? Please excuse the note.

It felt this jubilent!! All smiles and hugs as I finished up my last treatment on Friday April 16th 2010.

My "girls" were such a blessing each day...very caring. We had a few moments to "chat" each day and share things about our lives.

The last day was very emotional for me. These young ladies became a part of my life history. I spent every day of 6 weeks with them...each morning rising, knowing I too would have a place in their lives. As with my ladies luncheon theme "Bloom Where You Are Planted (post on my blog... A Creative Heart) I wanted to plant seeds of faith in the hearts of all those around me.

BLOOM? I did.. in my own spiritual growth...seeing God's hand in various ways in my life..revealing my weaknesses...giving me strength...courage.

Several years ago for my birthday, I received a wonderful journal called;

"The Book of Myself"....A Do-it-Yourself Autobiography in 201 Questions

It is broken down into three parts of your life;
Early years/childhood...Middle Years/young adult...Later Years/Full Maturity

The topics are categorized also in each section by Family, Friends, Education, Work/responsibilites and The World

Some of the questions or statements to answer are;

Some of my favorites...My mother/father's traits were.....This gift really sticks out in my memory...My Parents felt strongly about passing on these lessons..
This is one of the most important things about life... This was big news in my youth... I saw the world around me change because of this..This is something I learned the hard way...If I could do this over, I'd....These people affected my life...These people were very dear friends to me...
This person had the most impact on my life...in my youth...in my young adult life...in my elder years.

Very sobering thoughts...to enter into your own autobiography.

I wonder how many people realize you record something about THEM that will be there for others to read. How about the BOOK OF LIFE...the record GOD keeps.

These girls will be written about in my journal of life...they will forever be in my thoughts as I pray and recall their names. They were with me through a journey that required entwined hearts. They have to watch patients day in and day out face the battle of Cancer....I as a patient watched them day in and day out..care for me.

It was a blessing to have these young women care about the work they do...with smiles and friendly voices. I have heard contrary in other locations of therapy..how sad. I thank the LORD for putting me in the hands of these Proffessionals with compassionate hearts. God has surely shown his loving kindness to me.

As I continue on my Cancer Journey...I will continue to give you information the I hope will be helpful and encouraging.

(Please continue to pray for Kelly Anne Johnson as she goes into a more aggressive phase of her Chemo treatments at this time)

Blessings...
HOPE

My Final Week of Radiation Therapy!

2010-04-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

Week 6 and GRADUATING FRIDAY...as the doctor tells me!! He is a former Professor at a University so this must be HIS lingo for ending your course!

The LORD in his infinite graces...manifested it once again last week. I was SUPPOSE to be ending my treatments last week..but the machine was down. Nothing serious. Radiation machines run off a water cooling system. They do SAFETY checks EVERY day and Friday (that was the day, I just sooo happen to have to decorate for the Ladies Luncheon (see A CREATIVE HEART postings)...the water system was too warm.

NO THERAPY! AMEN.

I was concerned about being fatigued that day with so much to do and company arriving on top of it all...and the luncheon the NEXT day. I was tired..but nothing like the usual end of the week zap! Praise the LORD!

The weekend was MARVELOUS!

My dear friend I hadn't seen in TEN YEARS was visiting and went with me on Monday to my regular scheduled therapy. What a blessing to have a "friend" come along...

"I hope I can keep up with everything..was my prayer"

Company visiting..special meetings at church..EVERY NIGHT for a WEEK....
and dinners at church too!

Well...Tuesday, Wed and Thursday...the machine is down due to waiting on a part!

NO treatments!

(I did get the 24 hour flu bug Tues..survived! whew)

but...Thanking the LORD that the entire week was not with the usual fatigue....and had I had the treatments...my skin would have been something to deal with..NO WORRIES there either. AMEN.

Friday...I had ONE treatment...saw my doctor and all was fine....made it to the last Preaching service of the week...sang a special as planned...and enjoyed the fellowship of our dear friends ...ALL WEEK LONG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last Friday.. I gave gifts to my "team" and let them know how much I appreciated their time and encouragements..even if they do get PAID!

How surprised and pleased they were. I made the women HOPE-TOTES as shown above.
My oncology nurse Rose...even gave me a hug and was very touched by the unexpected gift. I PRAY that SHE is the one God sent me to minister to. She is very receptive. Please pray for her this week.

I can't express my THANKFULNESS for the sweet comments and your prayers!
God bless..
HOPE

A Mission Field in the journey of Cancer

2010-03-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:
In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus sake. II Corinthians 4:3-5

Today as I was speaking with my sweet radiation nurse about how I was doing. She asked about the upcoming ladies luncheon; the menu and that she'd like to see photos next week. With this OPEN DOOR...I told her that we are having a special meeting the following week and that the gentleman's wife is our speaker at the luncheon. I handed her the testimony tract of our speaker and was pleased that she asked to keep it...My hearts desire.

I then offered the same to another person with rejection. Saddened my heart...and I had to remind myself ...because we can take rejection so personal...

They are not rejecting you...they are rejecting the wonderful light of the glorious gospel...the very truth that bestows the most magnificent GRACE of life.

Servants..for Christ sake. For HIM...to give on HIS behalf...HOPE for others.

But, I thank the LORD for the opportunity...for the time at hand to be faithful to try and reach others with this Glorious Gospel of Christ.

And some believed the things which were spoken, and some believed not. Acts 28:24

New faces...New places...at such a time...

to serve on...A Mission Field

even in the midst of a journey with cancer.

Hope

Week 5 of Radiation

2010-03-29T17:52:00.000-07:00

Radiation Therapy continues to go well. I have just two weeks left. This being the fifth of six weeks of treatment.

The fatigue comes in waves...more so in the evening...with the day catching up on me.
My husband is such a blessing, always helping in any way he can.

We have a big week-end and week a head. Our 8th Annual Ladies Spring Luncheon is this Saturday and I'm the hostess! PLEASE pray the fatigue doesn't overwhelm me~! I have a lot of ladies helping and the LORD has blessed in another way. Friends we have not seen in years are coming to visit and one dear couple is staying with us. Janie will be a huge help and a blessing to the utmost just being here to fellowship with. The LORD's timing.... The perfect time, and person to visit me~! THANK YOU LORD!

Easter week we have a special speaker in from Sunday through Friday. So that means my regular scheduled therapy time and then a day of visiting and nightly preaching.

Whew~ I'm tired thinking about it all..but wouldn't miss it for anything!!

There will be so much to GLEAN from the Preaching...the blessings of fellowship and the anticipation of the GOOD work of the LORD done in the hearts of all who attend.

Each year is a BOUNTY of BLESSINGS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my therapy is over; I will post about my diagnosis and how this led up to my radiation therapy choice and my further course of treatments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PLEASE REMEMBER Kelly Johnson, Lois, and Cindy in your prayers. They are in this fierce battle with Cancer....

I love reading the OLD Testament and the Victors of the many battles fought with the LORD in their midst!

Romans 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

As the song says..VICTORY THROUGH GRACE

Conquering now and still to conquer, Rideth a King in His might
Leading the host of all the faithful Into the midst of the fight
See them with courage advancing, Clad in their brilliant array
Shouting the names of their Leader, Hear them exultingly say:

Not to the strong is the battle, Not to the swift is the race,
Yet to the true and the faithful, Vic'try is promised through grace.

Psalm 31:24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Blessings to all...

HOPE

Week 4 Radiation Therapy Blessings!

2010-03-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

Thank you!....I appreciate so very much your prayers...they are effectual!!

I have had opportunity as we have prayed to talk with others around me...no other patients but my radiation team...all great people! Very receptive! We are having a special meeting Easter week at our church and I've already invited some out..please pray they come. Our visiting preacher has an amazing testimony of who's tract I gave out. None can deny by this man's life the wonderful work of GRACE...as in our own lives.

A young man recently visited our church and sang a song I had never heard before and I was so touched...tears came(of course with me this happens often!!). I asked him afterwards if he could send me the words..and he opens his binder and hands me the page!!! Praise the LORD!

"You're Looking At God's Grace"

Take a look at my hands, there's no nail print there.
Take a look at my brow, no crown of thorns do I wear.
Take a look at my back, no whip has ever left a trace.
Take a good look at me, you're looking at God's Grace.

When you're looking at me...you're looking at God's Grace.
I should have hung on the cross in disgrace.
But God sent his Son there to die in my place.
When you're looking at me, you're looking at God's Grace.
(partial song lyrics)

How true this is for those who have trusted the LORD Jesus as their personal Saviour! Just a sinner...seeking redemption and finding God's Grace! and the humble thanksgiving of what he bore for us on the cross of Calvary!

This too was me one day. I pray when I go for my treatments...that they see this in me also...

When you're looking at me...you're looking at God's Grace!

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God... Ephesians 2:8 KJV

I spoke today with my sweet technicians of trusting God's will for my life when I was first diagnosed. How I pray...my time there will yield fruit...

Our Ladies Luncheon is coming up and the theme is

"BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED"

Bloom in planting seeds where you are, seedlings reseeding!...Bloom in your own spiritual growth and Bloom by being a blessing where you are!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I spoke with my Radiation Oncologist today (Tuesdays). For your information..it is NORMAL to feel some pain. The tumor removed left a cavity and also the nerves and blood vessels are healing. This can last up to a year. A type of "electrical" shooting. Brief but noticeable. I mainly felt this on Friday and Saturday...my main fatigue days also. ALL NORMAL. I have lost a few pounds..YEA! and amazingly my blood pressure is going down!! So I'm doing well with radiation therapy!!

My skin, I'm told, will start to show some marked treatments signs this next week. Also this 4th and 5th week...will be the most felt of the fatigue. Thankfully, I have friends coming from out of town for the luncheon and meeting (the 6th week!)...so I have HELP on the way! God's timing is so PERFECT!

Thank you once again for your prayers and sweet comments!
HOPE

Week 3 ...day 3.. and GUS!

2010-03-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

Now I know you see this one!!! Can you believe it!!? I decided to CLOUD WATCH again during treatment time...like there is a whole lot to do! SMILE!!

So there you go...I found my dog GUS The Schnauzer in the BLUE of the sky! I don't know why the clouds are showing up yellow...they are a vibrant WHITE in the panels.
I got the biggest kick out of finding this leaping Schnauzer! You can see his infamous "eye brows" if you look closely. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Now I see him at each visit. Yesterday I had just showed the girls that do my treatments photos of him..one of them just adores Schnauzers..so she laughed when I said..NOW you really won't believe what I just found in the clouds!!

I think it actually brings a SMILE in their day...as I think upon the many patients they treat on a daily basis. Some I'm sure in bad shape...Chemo patients have to have radiation also...and if theirs is after weeks or months of Chemo treatments, I'm sure they are not as up to a cheerful visit as I am. I PRAY that I make a difference for them each day I am there.

I am doing well...I see my Oncologist each week and the Onco-nurse...my skin looks great to them. Me..it is fine..just some color changing..a very minor itch from time to time. The nurse told me of a SALT bar that you wet and use like deodorant for when the skin is moist in humidity. No deodorant with radiation treatments..and no perfumed soaps or lotions allowed. She said the Salt block is also found right along with the deodorants or near Natural products like TOM's.

The fatigue is still an issue with me...have to watch myself. Just yesterday, I had a WONDERFUL day of TEA with friends (will post on THIS IS THE DAY) and today, could feel the tiredness of a whole day out yesterday. It was WORTH it!!!

When I have more time, I will post on my diagnosis and some information that might be helpful to you or others you know.

Please continue to PRAY for my friends...Kelly, Cindy and Lois.

Blessings...
HOPE

Week 2...Day 7...To Your Health

2010-03-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

Today is day 7 of my second week of radiation therapy.

I see my Oncologist each Tuesday and as of today....

all is well with my skin...so far...I am going to start applying Cornstarch in the evenings after showering to keep the skin dry. Kind of like the good ole diaper rash prevention measures!

I am however, feeling quite fatigued already...but there is some remedy to this!

I had given my dietitian a sample and recipe of a wonderful homemade granola bar my daughter had given me. I wanted her opinion on it's nutrition for me at this time of treatment and it's benefits.

When I saw her today...she was beaming with a SMILE of approval!!

It is LOADED with VITAMIN E!!! She said all the ingredients are EXCELLENT and highly recommends staying with this for my daily diet regime....the in-between snack A.M. and P.M. It is a great source of FIBER!!!

She also enjoyed her sample so much she wanted to keep the recipe...So, I am also going to include it here for you.

TO YOUR HEALTH!

Home Made Healthy Energy Bars

2 Cups Whole Oats
1 Cup Whole Wheat Flour
1/2 Cup Wheat Germ
3/4 Cup Brown Sugar
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1/2 tsp. Sea Salt

MIX DRY INGREDIENTS ...set aside.

In separate bowl mix WET ingredients:

1/2 Cup Canola Oil(measure the oil first, then the honey for easy pouring)
1/2 Cup Honey
1 Egg
1 1/2 tsp. Vanilla

Blend WET ingredients gradually into dry ingredients...
ADD...your choice of the following one or combined

1/2 cup nuts (Pecans..Walnuts) 1/2 cup dried berries or apricots or raisins

3/4 cup mini chocolate chips

Spray a 13 X 9 pan with PAM spray and spread granola evenly in pan. I use the back of a sprayed spatula to make sure it is evenly laid out.

You can use a cookie sheet if you prefer a thinner granola.

BAKE at 35O degrees....for 20-30 minutes.

Do NOT over bake or it will be dry. Should be just golden brown. I bake mine 20 min.

Cut into bars while cooling and still some-what soft.

I recently made them using dried mixed Berries and it was WONDERFUL! Yummy!

ENJOY ....To your health!!

HOPE

A WEEK OF CLOUD WATCHING

2010-03-05T12:26:00.000-08:00

Today finished my first week of Radiation Therapy.

I can say it has been a GOOD week. I've learned so much!

About Radiation Therapy...people...trust...and passing the time PEACEFULLY!

The photo is the HEAVENLY SKY panels that are placed in the ceiling above the area where I receive my treatments. The photo of course does not do it justice. It is truly BEAUTIFUL!

Interesting to note that they added the flying kites...as if you could maybe imagine a nice cool breeze as you lie there having..WHAT? A Radiation Treatment! Shows that someone must have done a study on the BRAIN and the affects of what we see!!

Kind of noteworthy of the Christian's...looks before the WORLD.
What do they notice and SEE of US!?

I have to share this funny with you. Yesterday as I looked upward..I thought about a cute card my mom gave me years ago with two rabbits lying in the grass..CLOUD WATCHING. So...I did some...You won't believe what I SAW..it is comical..given what I have written about the machine and how SCARY it could be and the TEETH and NOISE it makes...

Well...as I searched the clouds possibly for a little lamby...I found JAWS!

If you look in the upper right corner...there is a side view of a SHARK with is mouth slightly open... You DO see it RIGHT? The technician laughed when I told her about it...

and so back to PERFECT PEACE at such a time! I have actually enjoyed finding as much Positive out of this as possible.

Here is a photo the radiation machine in it's entire. The machine actually moves from side to side around me half way. After viewing this photo..I really didn't realize how massive it is compared to lying under it and seeing it from my prone position.

Did I tell you that prior to the actual treatment it has to calculate my position and all...so the table I am lying on starts to SHAKE a bit...one COULD and MIGHT think a small EARTHQUAKE was happening!!

I'm telling you all this...just in case..you have to experience this or know someone who will.... know that ALL IS OKAY...

Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In everything give thanks;for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
I Thessalonians 5:16-18

As I walked out to the waiting room today...Lois was there again! She did not realize we had the same appointment times. Hers is every other week however..but nice that we saw each other again and she followed me onto a Monthly Ladies Bible Study I started today.

We began in Titus 2. It was so nice as a few ladies got together and made preparations for a mini lunch prior to our study.

I am feeling some fatigue but I don't know if it's the radiation or my Fibromyalgia. But this weekend I'll rest up...and enjoy being home with my husband and sweet Gus. I have a slight discoloration...but nothing really noticeable..no other side affects. AMEN.

Thank you again for following and for praying..IT IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

PLEASE pray for my dear friend Kelly Anne in Okinawa...DAILY. She has a BATTLE to fight but GOD knows..and he is arming her with HIS STRENGTH!

Blessings to all...
HOPE

Day 3 Radiation Therapy

2010-03-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

The above pin was given to me by one of the receptionist Alexandra. I had gone early yesterday so I could look in the gift shop and purchase a Breast Cancer pin. The shop was closed for good. She ran to the back before I could stop her...and brought out this lovely pin for me. I love it!

Today was my third day of my treatments...and I wore my lapel pin today!!

All is well...other than breaking my nice Breast Cancer water bottle! It was made of hard plastic and fell out of my hand and cracked big time...so off to order another and give once again to the Breast Cancer cause...I don't mind one bit!

As I walked in today I was happily greeted by a dear lady from my church..Betty. You might have read about this dear woman on my Creative Heart Blog of a luncheon in her honor. How nice to receive her warming hug this day. She is like a second mother to me. GOD IS GOOD to time this so.

She had brought in her daughter in law for a Chemo port. Lois has colon cancer and has been in the fight for over a year now. She has 7 children with four still at home and two of them are young twin boys about 8 yrs old.. Please say a prayer for Lois as you think upon me and Kelly Anne. Lois is a born again Christian. There are so many more I personally know of going through the battles of Cancer.

Yesterday, I saw my Oncologist and he apologized for me having to see his partner last week. He had to have emergency Triple Bypass Heart surgery!! Apologize! Such a good man. He is a very caring dedicated doctor. He thanked me when I said I'd be in prayer for him and add him to our church prayer list. I will see him each Tuesday during my treatments. He explained to me yesterday my treatment plan. The last week, I will be getting a BOOST each day..so that may give me a boost of fatigue also. I'll be prepared.

Where's THAT QUILT and nice FLUFFY PILLOW??

Oh and of course my dog GUS, will be right beside me. He has to touch me also...my furry "comforter".

The above photo was taken after my surgery as I lay on the sofa. Sweet boy.

I also spoke with a very sweet young woman ...Christy the dietitian. She is working with me now on my nutrition and weight. She did say that I eat the right foods..but need to..fine tune it. I see her again tomorrow. They want me to hold off on the extreme exercise due to fatigue issues..concentrate on the therapy and rest for now. But, we are going to work on the diet. I should have told her that my HOT FLASHES are giving me enough SWEAT now that I SHOULD be losing pounds daily! I wish!

Sooo...I might have some nutrition information for you. My eldest daughter is taking nutrition classes so she too will be my helper.

The SCARY machine was at it again today...I watched the TEETH moving in and out and whirring about. I just looked up once again and beheld the lovely SKY and kites amongst the clouds.

Yesterday was very raining and so that made for a nice day briefly!!

I continue to pray that I will make a difference there...that doors of opportuntity will be available...I am going in a little early..purposely to be available for that DOOR! (time to chat!!)

Blessings to all and again...thank you for your prayers and loving comments.

HOPE

My Radiation Therapy Journey Begins

2010-03-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

Today begins my Six Week Radiation Therapy Journey.

The photo above is similar to the radiation machine used for my treatment.

My therapy is also called IMRT... intensity-modulated radiation therapy. It uses the latest equipment and medical expertise to go after cancer.

The IMRT machine is a computer controlled x-ray acclerator, which stands about 10 feet hight and 15 feet long. It generates tightly focused photon beams or xrays that can be specially molded to conform to the shape of a tumor or target a specific point.

The machine can be rotated around the patient so the beams are fired from the best angles.

TODAY... The machine began on my left side and then rotated over to my right side nearly below my right shoulder. My doctor had explained previously that the aim of the beam was to pass through the breast from one side to the other..thereby not being directed into the chest.

The beams are also adjustable so that higher doses are delivered to a specific point and less harmful doses the surrounding tissues.

NOW..we know why I had to have two different adjustment appointments. I'm glad..it was to PERSONALIZE my particular therapy.

While there today... viewing the lovely BLUE SKY panels of Heaven above me...I thought once again about what others may go through as they do their therapy.

As you can see from the photo..the equipment used can be quite intimidating. Especially when it is right above your face...and you see metal plates inside start moving back and forth...and hear the whirr of the machine setting up. I had to have some regular xrays taken as well...and connected to the main machine is also a panel that comes up from behind you and moves in...YOU think...

"Is this thing going to STOP...or smash me to pieces!"

THE MIND...ooh how it can have it's hay day if one lets it!

How I love the verse in Isaiah 26:3a

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee....

Everything went fine today. I didn't feel a thing...and I feel fine now as I write.

Now let me share this moment with you....

As I lay there and all this is going on...and thinking as I mentioned about others and what they THINK...

I remembered a funny event in my life that COULD have really been alarming...IF I had let MY mind wonder!!

A friend and I had gone to a military hospital to visit her mother. We entered the elevator with a nurse and began our upward journey to the fourth floor, when suddenly the elevator stopped.

"OH MY...don't tell us...WE ARE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR...between floors!"

We were glad one of the hospital nurses was with us..whew! She picked up the phone inside and called to find out what was going on...we waited...and we waited...and we waited. Hearing voices...we knew we were not too far from the floor level. Nice..but doesn't get us out!

My friend looked at me rolling her eyes..she has BIG EYES too! and I knew...poor GAL was skeeered! Oh no NOT ME!... yea right...okay, quite concerned! I have to admit I was calm and reassured myself that in no time we would be RESCUED. We finally heard some noises and the door opened. We were just about a half foot from the floor and needed some help up; and then we were fine. All ended on a happy note.

Little did I know...that the MIND of my friend however..the entire time was back in some scary movie she had seen years prior. No wonder her eyes were so BIG! She told me later; as we laughed...about the thought of the sprinklers going off and us drowning in the elevator. I was sooo glad she did NOT tell me this IN the elevator.

PRAISE GOD for HIS PERFECT PEACE..at such a time!

So TODAY...as I watched the scary machine coming at me... I thought about God's great care and thanking him that I need not fear.

I read somewhere recently something that I found quite noteworthy.

We can block out God's Grace...by our fears or complaining.

Forgetting to think upon what we should.

TRUST...FAITH...PEACE...ASSURANCE...

Tomorrow, I pray will be no different for me...as I seek to trust him by faith and know the peace that passes all understanding by the assurance of HIS perfect WORD and WORK in me.

Thank you for your prayers...

HOPE

Wonderfully Made!

2010-02-23T10:27:00.000-08:00

The beauty of God's creation! and we are an intricate part of it. Look at the detail of each of these different flowers.

One with petals ruffled as the Carnation's trademark..and it's own unique lovely scent. One of my favorite flowers and it happens to be the January flower..my birth-month

The other a MUM...with delicate petals folded and placed one upon the other..PERFECTLY. Must be why the British call their mothers MUM. She is a woman of many talents; so the flower has many petals of importance to make up it's beauty.

And..yet look at the other STAR MUM...another of the same species..but yet it's on entity of beauty...soft thin petals reaching out like hands.

Not to mention the vast array of colors GOD has strewn upon the gardens of his delight. EACH...wonderfully made by the GOD of ALL creation!

and so we also are WONDERFULLY MADE...

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

These have been my thoughts in my journey of Breast Cancer.

With these points below mentioned on my first post...I will focus off and on as each.

Each has shown me just how much GOD thinks upon ME...all of us...personally. For we are HIS creation and HE KNOWS US. I'm so glad.

1. GOD leads the way...AMEN!!

In HIS providence, he guided me to the day of my mammogram.

2. God's provision..is perfect

He has provided: me with wonderful people for my care.
He has provided: for me to be able to have my treatments near home! A HUGE answer to prayer.
He has provided: me with female radiation techs!

3. New faces...New places...ALL IN HIS PLAN

I've met and witnessed to many already. From my biopsy to surgery to radiation.

The NEW faces give me a greater burden/and opportunity for souls around me...I will see these daily for the next six weeks!

4. Learning is a blessing...even with Cancer!

I've taken each doctor visit as an experience to learn about myself, others and the greatness of God's Grace in the knowledge doctors are given and the equipment used to provide great needs.

I'm learning more and more...CONFIDENCE in my SAVIOUR...HIS WAYS and HIS WORD...are my secured PEACE..AT SUCH A TIME.

5. I BELIEVE TO SEE...THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD!!

I SEE....how wonderfully we are all made. Fearfully..yes! Because our creation so infinite and detailed that man could not possibly figure out each individual.

And so I am learning...how individualized CANCER is in each person. Our body makeups are so very personalized. Praise GOD! I find it fascinating that HE takes such notice of ME...from the beginning! and now as I journey here...I KNOW with confidence that HE also notices me now. He has a desire to fulfill in me...that I pray comes to pass in HIS perfect will.

I will post more on my particular Cancer on another post, thus continuing the thought of being Fearfully and Wonderfull made.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE

My Oncology Appointment last week was very pleasant (under the circumstances!) My mapping consisted of placement and markings for the radiation beams focal points. I was given...CUTE butterfly stickers!....Notable that the Medical Profession would go to such trouble to make something CUTE...but man knows our emotions and how the smallest...cuteness or prettiness can make CALM.

I first saw my doctors partner...he was very pleasant and I was able to tell him how I came about with my EARLY DETECTION MAMMAGRAM by way of Kelly Johnson a Missionary. He then inquired of me about MISSIONS!! another witness of my faith with my dear friend Kelly. ONCE again..GOD uses us both...in OUR JOURNEY.

My tech was a man..SIGH. But he was so considerate and made sure I was covered at all times and very discreet. I appreciated that very much and he noted when I was done.

If you were nervous, You sure didn't show it

This led to my witness of my salvation and PEACE AT SUCH AT TIME! and that I face reality head on and know you must do what you have to do...He was really impressed and began to ask more questions. This led to an invitation to my church, which he readily received. (thankfully HE is NOT my tech from now on...I was blessed with a quick answer to prayer (TODAY) of there being available TWO female techs there everyday and I get both! I SEE the GOODNESS OF THE LORD!

Also I had to have a CAT scan...now here was my FEAR...a TUBE (claustrophobia)...but NO..it was just a large open donut shape and no problems at all. PRAISES AGAIN!!

UPDATE TODAY:

I had to go back in to be repositioned for my BUTTERFLIES! Two very sweet young women. As I came into the radiation room..I could imagine the FEAR of many people who have walked through these same doors. My heart aches to think of them.

I lay on a table with this HUGE machine that was to encircle around me as the Techs took new measurements and images. If one were to focus on the machines...I can see the fear entailing upon their emotions. Something about the magnitude of the size and what the machine actually does that causes the mind to run off! For me...I found it a LEARNING experience. Fascinating at that. I watched the movements carefully the opening and closing of what must have been the photo lenses...and the most note able of all in the room...

THE HEAVENLY SKY and CLOUDS that were put up on ceiling panels above the area I lay at. It was GORGEOUS...so real looking. I made a comment to the tech...

How nice to have us patients ...looking towards HEAVEN!!

It reminded me of the most gorgeous Sunny day with a few fluffy clouds to watch while laying on a bed of green grass.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.. Psalm 23:2a

I mentioned also the bars to grip behind my head...keeping my arms up..

that I can imagine the patients that must grip these for Dear LIFE!

They agreed...

Oh yes...many are like that

My routine begins tomorrow for the next six weeks.

I arrive and go into a changing room and put on a gown (my lower clothing remains!). I have my own little cubicle. Very discreet with our own ladies "waiting room". They then call me in for the radiation treatment which last only a few minutes.

Please pray with me that even in those few minutes each day...that opportunity will arise to speak with the "team". I have now spoken a brief witness with 6 people. Today, I gave the male tech a Gospel tract with our church address. A great opportunity to give him the address...as well as a testimony of What I believe and why. There was a poem on the cover about the Blood of Christ. Very nice. A new tract our church had in our tract holder. I'll post the poem on another post.

THANK YOU to all of you who are taking the time to read this Journey. I truly pray it will help you or someone you know or will know in the future who will pass this way also.

I BELIEVE TO SEE...THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD!
HOPE

Ready to go with PINK

2010-02-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my Oncology appointment for my "mapping". Setting up the treatment site..taking measurements and x-rays or scans. I'm not really sure what to expect. An hour long appointment.

I'm prepared with my Pink Breast Cancer Awareness water bottle...that fits perfectly in the very nice Basket purse my sister sent me..it's trimmed in PINK leather and has a cute floral lining. She is great at finding name brands at thrift stores and found this "BRIGHTON" purse just for the occasion, in mint condition. She knew I had a lot of appointments coming up and wanted me to go in "style". How thoughtful to think of something so useful and pretty... and PINK!

Another Breast Cancer...caring gift. I have been so encouraged by the HEARTS that want to reach out to me at this time...and I am learning from this...just how truly IMPORTANT it is to support people facing health issues. Not so much the gifts...but the thoughtfulness each has shown by REACHING OUT.

Not all Christians...but all wanting to say...

"I CARE" "I'm HERE for YOU"

Even with faith...we still abide in this flesh and it has it's ways with us. The uncertainty of the days ahead still ponder in your thoughts. How nice to know that you are not alone.

I Praise the LORD for HIS WORD that is my COMFORT and HOPE of all...

....and I can answer those reaching out with a returned Gratitude of strength in HOPE, that also comforts them in return!

I've noticed in some...the concern/worry...sometimes is also a reflection of their own fears.

THE BIG C

I pray that in this journey...I will be a vessel of HOPE..

God Leads the way...Day by Day

2010-02-09T20:38:00.000-08:00

For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
Philippians 2:13

This is my dear sweet friend Kelly Anne.

She has become one of the most precious friends I've known in my Christian walk.

We met....just prior to my Breast Cancer Journey...through one of my daughters...and by way of God's leading.

It was not a coincidence that we met...nothing in this life is a coincidence with GOD almighty! HIS ways..are perfect! He knows the beginning to the end...and HE does ALL things WELL.

We began to discuss her diagnosis of Breast Cancer and her upcoming surgery December 11,2009. This prompted me...to get my Mammogram. My local hospital scheduled me for the day of her surgery.

I had scheduled a mammogram the year previous but came down with the flu and had to rescheduled only to get ill again. Two cancellations...I then became busy with the things of life and ....FORGOT all about my yearly appointment.

Mammogram was the last thing on my mind....until I met Kelly Anne.

The day after my mammogram...and praying for Kelly's surgery outcome...

I received a call from my doctor's office saying I needed to have a BIOPSY..not a followup mammogram...a BIOPSY. The SPOT that had been there two years ago ..had grown!

Two YEARS ago? ...when I had this mammogram I was called in for a repeat with a compression view. I was then told that everything was fine and just schedule my yearly as always.

TWO YEARS later...here I am.

I asked my doctor about this SPOT that was to have been gone with the compression. Possibly...because it was not a Digital Mammogram it did not detect a very small cancer cell...or possibly a precancerous cell had developed and grew in the same location. Nonetheless...it was there...it was larger than my previous mammogram...and it needed to be tested for Cancer.

The BIG C as some call it.

One of the most dreaded diseases women fear getting...I thought about it often, but not SERIOUSLY...I did my own checks and all seemed fine to me. Of course, I had no lump to feel..because this was inside the duct not to be felt.

I had actually prepared myself for some kind of follow-up...knowing......

....that when I met Kelly Anne;

GOD was going to use our meeting for some purpose.

Meeting...miles away from each other...across the Ocean! by TELEPHONE!

Would I be an encourager to her..I'd hope so.

Maybe, Lord? you are preparing ME..for something?

and this is exactly what GOD had planned.

If it had not been for her...I would not have had my mammogram..and my cancer would still be growing! God chose to use her at this time in MY life!

A woman of Faith....she walks closely with the LORD. Her caring heart and love of the LORD are so evident when one speaks with her. She has encouraged me greatly!

Thank you Kelly Anne!

GOD lead the way...He chose this path for both of us...He is working in both of our lives...at the same time...one with another.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17

Kelly has called me like clock work to find out how each of my appointments have been...how I am doing...what is next. She is watching over me with such loving care... a SISTER in the LORD.

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty council. Proverbs 27:9

Her encouraging words...and cancer council! have helped me understand the process of my journey. GOD lead her...my way.

What a blessing she is to me....I thank the LORD for giving me a friend that KNOWS exactly what I am facing...along with her own arduous journey...she SHINES with the light of God's presence. Her cheery voice in the midst of her own trial and her caring heart...GOD IS USING Kelly Anne for HIS purposes. I'm just one of them.

Our prayer together....has been that GOD would now use us both for HIS Praise and Glory. That those in our path might know the GOD of all mercy and comfort as we know HIM.

Please pray with us... Our journey is more than one of Cancer...it is a Mission Field in our hearts.

If you visit her blog (on my side bar)...you can read of a woman she recently led to the LORD!

For Kelly Anne...

Day by day and with each passing moment, Strength I find to meet my trials here
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment, I've no cause for worry or for fear

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure, Gives unto each day what he deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Day by Day
Lina Sandell Berg 1832-1903

HOPE

A Journey of Faith

2010-02-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all who left such sweet encouraging comments!!

I'm really excited to post here about this journey.

Today was my first Radiation Oncology appointment,a consultation. I learned soo much in a short time. God blessed me with a wonderful doctor.

1. GOD leads the way...AMEN!!

2. GOD's provision..is perfect

3. New faces...New places...ALL IN HIS PLAN

4. Learning is a blessing...even with Cancer!

5. I BELIEVE TO SEE...THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD!!

I will write more on a later post. But wanted to Praise the Lord for the good of the day...

Another, exciting learning process..my mind is taking notes!

Lots of them...to share!

~~~~~~~~My Cancer Schedule~~~~~~~

Feb. 18 appointment for "mapping" my treatments. This is quite an extensive appointment...1 hour...to completely study my body with images, measurements etc.

March 1 Begin radiation treatments for 6 weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One thing the Oncologist did do...was CONGRATULATE me!!!

on getting my Mammogram for early detection; it saved me from a longer process of various treatments...

EARLY DETECTION...is VERY important!!

Please also pray for my friend Kelly Johnson in Okinawa..her Chemo side affects have begun their toll...yet, she is full of faith...and her cheery voice makes me cry. She is amazing! Please visit her and encourage her as often as you can.

GOD used HER...to get my attention..for my early detection.

Please get your Digital Mammogram now if you have not in the last year!!

...recommended age that I read is age 45 and up...

...however early care is important in any health issue....

It is a responsibility that is yours....

God leads..and allows HIS perfect will as we submit to HIM...just as is the case with my friend Kelly. She did get her yearly Mammogram..but GOD chose this path to use her for HIS praise and glory. Just as GOD used my little Stephen...and he uses us in so many different ways...so many walks of life.

Walk with HIM..and you will find as Pilgrim in his journey...

Keep that light in your eye!

O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.
Psalm 43:3

I have found in these journey's of Faith..that you will read many of the same Bible verses...as God's Word is Eternal...the assurance at any age of time... of it's TRUTH and power in the believer.

Favorite verses of confidence for me are found in ST.JOHN.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
ST. JOHN 1:1

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
ST. JOHN 1:14

For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ. ST. JOHN 1:17

There is always a time, and purpose...to EVERYTHING under the sun...with the LORD.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes 3:1

I pray you are encouraged with each visit as you journey with me.

Blessings..
HOPE

* please note that this is soley a blog for encouragement and any information regarding Cancer should be researched by each individual reader.*

Another Journey Of Faith...

2010-02-02T20:05:00.001-08:00

I've decided to come back to Watering Wells of Hope because of the desire I have to encourage others in some of the "Journey's of FAITH" we take in this life.

This original blog content is one of many journey's of Faith that I have traveled. Over the years...whether a small or great trial, the LORD Jesus Christ has always been my strength and hope. His ever presence my peace.

This new journey that I will journal here is one of Breast Cancer. I hope that you will glean some help, encouragement and above all....know the LORD Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour.

As an introduction...I want to highlight how the LORD has taken care of me in the beginnings of this new journey in my life.

A gift is as a precious stone in the eyes of him that hath it: whithersover it turneth, it prospereth. Proverbs 17:8

Many prayers have already been answered!

My faith is strengthened yet again...

I have found new friends...

Another goal in my walk with Christ...

I seem to really like PINK now!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I will also update on my breast cancer treatment.

Thursday Feb. 4...I see my Radiation Oncologist for a consultation on my treatment course.

I pray you have enjoyed a cup of refreshing here today.

HOPE

IN MEMORY OF STEPHEN 1982-1983

2008-06-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. II Corinthians 1:3-4

January 18th, 2004 a tiny baby weighing just 1 pound 12 ounces was born into the world.

His name is STEPHEN.

Charlie’s first born child….a son.

Named in memory of his twin brother, Stephen.

Born at just 26 weeks…his dad and mom would endure a trial of daily prayer and hope…that this child will survive.

Today…Stephen is a sweet little guy full of energy, and very smart.

He also has “twin” sisters! They too, born only 1 pound 15 ounces and survivors!

Home in less than a month.

And he also…as his dad…has a sibling in heaven.

…only this child was stillborn.

She also was born very early in the pregnancy, weighing just 1 pound 13 ounces. She is spoken of in the post “A Lone Butterfly of Comfort.”

Two in heaven….Kaitlyn and Stephen hold a very sobering remembrance in our hearts.

The realities of life…

…there is going to be sorrow…and pain and suffering. These are all common to mankind. Yet, God has promised us Grace and strength in time of need. He promises that he is with us always.

A song written by a man who lost his dear wife says it all:

God’s way is the best way…though I cannot understand what lies ahead…I know he’s in control…for he watches o’re my soul..
God’s way is the best way…it’s the only way for me.

And he has promised us HOPE…

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
For by it the elders obtained a good report.
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Hebrews 11:1-3

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. Isaiah 55:8-11

In reading this story of Hope’s Journey…I sincerely pray that you
leave with a cup of refreshing that has given you hope for each day that lies ahead in your life.

That you have tasted that the LORD is good...he is our strength and shining shield. Our all in all...our help in time of need...our sure deliverer and our comfort.

He is faithful.

I pray most of all that you, my readers, know the LORD Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour.

Now the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13

I invite you today…

And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
Revelation 22:17

And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ.
This is the true God, and eternal life.
I John 5:20

It is with my sincerest appreciation to all my readers for the comments left as I shared this story of Hope.

Thank you for the encouragement and refreshing you were to me and the new friendships I have found in you.

Always remember.... It will be worth it all when we see Jesus!!

NOTE: I'm sorry that this story of faith comes from the end back to the beginning. If anyone knows how to reverse it please let me know. Thank you.

ALL THINGS POSSIBLE...

2008-06-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

It is July 1995 and we are awaiting the arrival of Kathryn and her family…to our home in America!

In all my prayers…this never came from my lips…but the hope and desire was always there.

"Oh if Kathryn could only come to America and visit with me in my home and meet my church family."

So many times we have these passing thoughts and yet we never think to pray and ASK…because we think it is too far fetched. We think, oh GOD isn’t interested in this selfish thinking. I mean what could be accomplished with her coming to America? Besides just making us happy to see each other once again. Of course we would never ever forget God’s goodness to us in the work done in our lives and hers. Year by year keeping in touch.

My children…now almost 10 years older than when she saw them last. Of course we’d exchanged photos. But to see them tall and grown is another sight!

Charlie was now 12 yrs. old!! So many years had passed.

But, here we found ourselves pacing the floor….

"Is it possible? Kathryn and her husband who is now a Christian coming to “fellowship” with us!!"

Oh what joy was bubbling up inside us all.

“Do you see them coming?.....Keep watching Charlie!”

“They’re here…they’re here!! …HURRY everybody!”

We all ran outside as we saw the rental car approaching our drive way. Kathryn’s smile could be seen as they drove in. Our arms were waving and the kids jumping!

This was our first meeting of her three children… the eldest Rebecca was 9…Chistopher-Phillip 7 and Kate 6. How precious they were as they spoke in their lovely British accents.

Very polite and excited to meet “Mummies” friends!

I had prepared little keepsake gifts for each of them…Christopher especially liked his Americana Bear I gave him with the miniature American Flag.

Her husband….smiling…shaking my husband’s hand…and hugging me!

I cannot put into words how I felt at that moment.

This man who opposed me as I witnessed to Kathryn. This man I prayed so earnestly to get saved…. Here at my home…with a warming hug of true Christian thankfulness.

He knew now the toils of the work God had been doing in Kathryn’s life that eventually led to his own salvation.

We spent 4 wonderful days of fellowship together. We had devotions, sang..ate American food!

The children snuggled up with mine in their rooms for sleeping. They had so much fun together. Little Kate we thought even had a crush on Charlie! Too cute!

One occasion Kathryn and I took a walk alone. I shared with her then the journal I had kept while living in Switzerland. She’d like to read it.

She took one evening a lone and read the journal…weeping.

She told me that she had no idea of all that had come to pass in the LORD’s work of her salvation. She felt very humbled and even more grateful for the good work of the LORD in both our lives. Now with her husband saved, we both knew that the work of the LORD is never finished. How joyous it was to know that we both shared a special bond in the marvelous purposes of GOD.

On Sunday…

Everyone at church came up to meet them. I stood back and watched in amazement.

“Kathryn…here…her family…at my church here in America!!”

I took a photo of them standing on the steps of the church before entering.

My family usually sat in the front row..so what better place for our special guest of the day!

During Sunday School…my Pastor mentioned several times as he always does..the importance of our confidence in the Scriptures. Knowing they are the pure words of GOD given to man.

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is pure….

As he began to read several verses…Kathryn’s husband looked over at her and pointed to the verse in his Bible that did not say the same thing. He understood what the entire lesson was on. The KJV was without error. His bible was also missing words or verses! He closed his bible and continued to read with Kathryn.

When I first met Kathryn in the hospital…on one of many visits with her, we discussed why I used the King James Version of the Bible. After her salvation, we had an in depth Bible study with her and she too was convinced this was the Bible GOD ordained for man.

Before the Sunday morning message …my Pastor introduced Kathryn and her family. Hearts were touched and smiles filled the auditorium, knowing how much this moment meant to us.

Kathryn and her family came up front to sing a special for the church. A song in English and then in French.

Tears filled my eyes and overwhelming joy in my heart.

“Oh…LORD… I never dreamed this day would be mine! I never thought I’d be back in this church in America and now here I am…

And Kathryn with her saved husband and sweet children singing!

at MY home church!

OH…thanks giving be to my GOD!"

How humbled I am to know he would look upon my life and bless me so!

A photo I cherish is of my husband and Kathryn’s standing together that morning after services in the living room of our home, with Bible in hand talking about the preservation of GOD’s perfect Word.

No this is not the END of the story….there is no end to the wondrous works of GOD…and there is no end to His love and mercy.

Kathryn a few years later….led her sister to the LORD as she suffered through Cancer. …and over the years she has had many opportunities to witness.

Kathryn’s family faithfully serve in their church and go on mission trips each year…their children have grown into wonderful young adults.

As I posted once before…this glorious song speaks to my heart of GOD’s worthy praises…

All creatures of our God and King…

Lift up your voice and with us sing… Alleluia..Alleluia

Thou burning sun with golden beam, Thou silver moon with softer gleam…

Alleluia…Alleluia.. O Praise Him..O Praise Him…Alleluia.

Let all things their Creator bless…And worship Him in humbleness

O Praise Him. Alleluia…Praise, praise the Father, Praise the Son

And praise the Spirit, Three in One…O Praise HIM…

O Praise Him…Alleluia!!

St. Matthew 10:31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. Whosoever, therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess before my Father which is in heaven.

I John 5:13 These things have I written unto that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

I John 5:20 And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that we my know him that is true.

II Peter 1-8 Simon Peter, a servant and an apostle of Jesus Christ, to them that have obtained like precious faith with us through the righteousness of God and our Saviour Jesus Christ:
Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord.
According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
Whereby are given to us great and exceeding promises: that by these ye might be partakers of divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge:
And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

(there will be one more post in the story of my Swiss Journey of Hope)

Rejoice Evermore....

2008-06-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Meet again…in Heaven.

Oh the joys of knowing God’s blessed Word. So many promises…and ones that have been and will be fulfilled. Our GOD is faithful!

Kathryn and I kept in touch by mail. She also called me on my birthdays. Her thankful heart always so evident as she told of the joys of the LORD in her life.

She and her boyfriend got married. The photo was just lovely of my dear sweet friend. She was happy…but he was not saved. She lived with hope and her own testimony of salvation's peace to show him how real GOD was in her life.

Then one day I received the call with the rejoicing news that her husband had trusted Christ as his own personal Saviour!

Oh how I cried…

"Thank you LORD…Thank you for giving her the desire of her heart! And mine!"

Truly as the Scripture say…

They that sow in tears, shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5

One more soul….evidence of the good work God was doing in her life. Testimony of her faithfulness. I know that she shed many tears in patiently waiting for the day he’d see his great need of a Saviour.

He now understood that friendship she and I had…the tears she’d come home with after spending time with me in the Bible and how precious the LORD became to her.

He also could now appreciate ….STEPHEN.

He could never quite grasp the fullness of his short lived life…he always knew Kathryn had a giving and kind heart and also the compassion of a nurse. But he could never fully understand why there was a special bond with this child.

In my journal I have a letter that Kathryn sent to me years later….

“We went up to the village (the children and I) Christopher-Stephen was in the car asleep, I left Kate with him while Rebecca and I walked across to be with Stephen for a while. His tomb was covered in flowers and I wished that I’d taken my camera(I will next time) we knelt down and pray and thanked the LORD again for his life and all that he did while he was here with us. I then told Rebecca about him and you and why Christopher is called Stephen. She is very receptive and remembered it all to tell him and her Daddy.

So my love comes with this letter especially for you. I pray that you are well and as always I thank the LORD for you each day and will do for the rest of my life.
God bless you always…dear sister. Much Love, Kathryn."

Each letter still received to this day is a joy to my heart…a constant reminder…of the great work of God done in hearts. An encouragement that in time…fruit comes.

There are people out there still searching…seeking…for hope and assurance.
Seeking that testimony…that GOD is real.

Kathryn found this hope…as did her husband….

It is found in the LORD JESUS CHRIST.

Acts 4:12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

A TIME... for every purpose...

2008-06-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

And the time for going back home to the United States had come. Changes in my husband’s job…would have us to leave this land that had become so much a part of our hearts and lives.

When we were first making preparations to leave the U.S. I remember looking around the town I lived in and thinking…

I’ll never see this place again…my home church…the familiar scenery…and the faces I loved.

When we made our decision to go to Switzerland, it was for a permanent life there in our desire to serve the LORD. Little did we know, that in his will… it may be for just a TIME.

I have learned from this to take each day with the LORD. Take each day in service to him. Yielding to his will and his timing and his place.

There is nothing more peaceful to a Christian than to be in the PLACE that God’s wants you to be, doing what GOD desires of you and at the right TIME.

As Paul states in the book of Philippians an exhortation to be content..

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

I Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

With patience in well doing…God can work in you and through you to perform a fruitful work that you can find contentment in ...no matter where you are. It is a matter of yielding your will to His.

It might be in very small areas of your life as well. He might be working in your own life…to perfect a growth you need spiritually. Dear Christian take it and let Him have his way with you. TIME is His and we benefit from the purpose he sets forth in our lives to accomplish a good work.

Many hearts had touched our lives living in Switzerland. Oh that some of those would trust the LORD Jesus as their Saviour. We could only pray now that our life had some impact on them and that seed had been sown and fruition come forth.

I called Kathryn to tell her the news. She was devastated that our family was leaving. She would try to visit as much as possible before our departure.

Now saved, she was seeing the hand of the LORD in timing… and confirmation again that a blessed work had been accomplished. The salvation of her own precious soul.

In my journal I have written:

"We will soon leave Switzerland. I’m looking forward to being with our brethren back home…our Christian family. I pray that during this past two years the LORD has been able to prefect that which he desired of me. I will leave behind two years of my life that will be more memorable to me than any in my life. I will also leave lost souls for whom my heart desires salvation. The Lord did indeed purpose a work here and now our time to depart has arrived.

I hold dear the life of my precious son Stephen and the memories. One never forgets the loss, but Stephen gave me a closeness to my LORD that I now cherish. I pray to always walk daily by my Saviours side."

We went to visit many of the acquaintances we had met in the two years to say our good byes. Jack and Anne Marie had us over for dinner one last time. We cried, we rejoiced and we thanked the Lord in prayer together.

People from the village came by our home to hug us and leave gifts for the children. It was so very emotional and how grateful to know that we had touched their hearts. I knew seeds must have been planted, by the tenderness of their good byes.

As we loaded up our van with suitcases, Claudine’s husband and family stood by helping…tears in everyone’s eyes. Claudine could not understand why we were leaving. My heart ached…I didn’t know how to explain GOD’s will over ours.

“It was just time, Claudine”

It was difficult to express our thankfulness for all she had done for us. I don’t think she could comprehend the impact she had on our lives…and how we hoped our lives had just the same on hers.

She promised to keep flowers on Stephen's gravesite.

It was just as hard waving good bye to them as it was leaving our friends in the U.S.
Strange…the tightness of those heartstrings. People that mean so much to us.
Memories that give such joy…and impressions that remain all through our lives.

If this has happened to us….it surely has happened to them.

Our hearts knit by a common bond… friendship.

Oh how the friendship means so much more in Christ. Kathryn met us at the airport and truly both of us knew…we were sisters now…we had a bond that would last forever…truly forever in our eternal bond with Christ Jesus ..by faith.

How hard it was to say goodbye…

It was like seeing a small bud of a rose plant…hoping it would one day bloom into it’s full beauty.

We encouraged her to be faithful, to trust and to wait patiently on the work of the LORD in her life and her boyfriend’s.

We prayed together, hugged and parted with hope of a continued work in all our lives to God’s glory and praise.

And as if then a hymn had been sung:

Meet Me There

On that happy golden shore, Where the faithful part no more,

When the storms of life are o’er, Meet me there,

Where the night dissolves away into pure and perfect day,

I am going home to stay- Meet me there.

Meet me there, Meet me there,

Where the tree of life is blooming, meet me there;

When the storms of life are o’er, On that happy golden shore,

Where the faithful part no more…Meet me there.

Where the harps of angels sing, And the blest forever sing,

In the palace of the King, Meet me there.

Where in sweet communion blend, Heart with heart and friend with friend...

In a world that ne’er shall end…

Meet me there.

Henrietta E. Blair 19th century William J. Kirkpatrick 1838-1921

REMEMBER....

2008-06-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

The weeks and months passed…. Stephen’s life yet so fresh in our hearts , not his death. The LIFE he lived and all that GOD accomplished.

Charlie began taking his first steps and trying to talk to his brother and sisters. They all rallied around to get him to say “sissy” . My eldest daughter loved playing the “little” mama” always helping with the baby.

Time had been so consumed with Stephen’s condition and keeping up on our day by day activities, that it was hard to believe Charlie was approaching his first birthday.
I dreamed one night that Stephen was born perfectly normal. I saw two babies lying together..twins. In anticipation of their birth date, the birth was very much on my mind. It was bittersweet. My heart yearned for Stephen’s presence and yet I could still rejoice in the good that God performed in Kathryn’s life.

The flower bulbs I had planted began to come up. A lovely variety…my favorite besides the Daffodil is Dahlia’s., the colors so vibrant.

The children and I picked a handful to place on Stephen’s grave. We did this often…and the village people …watched.

One late afternoon my husband and I took another fresh bouquet to the grave site and standing near Stephen’s grave was the lady who’s son had died when we first arrived in the village. Stephen was buried next to him. Her overwhelming grief was still so evident as she silently wept. We acknowledged her presence with a compassionate smile and ourselves knelt by Stephen’s grave and prayed. We hoped that she could sense the peace of our prayers and comfort we had at that moment.

Psalm 42:1-5 As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.
My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why are thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

Many nights I cried, but my grief was nothing as this woman still displayed? When the tears came I recalled verses like these. Scripture that state the hope of the believer whose confidence is in God and remembering his manifold works shown to man and I remember my GOD is present.

One particular morning I am reminded once again of my great need of GOD…
Certain days in the village a Baker comes by and parks his station wagon alongside the road and the village people purchase fresh baked goods. My eldest daughter did this for me each week before going on to class just down the road.

Our house was adjacent to the area the Baker parked, so it was just an ear shot away.
As I was preparing breakfast for the other children and waiting for my daughter; I suddenly heard the SCREECH of tires. My kitchen window was ajar and my heart pounded as I ran as fast as I could out the door, losing my shoes on the way.

PANIC ran through my veins…my legs ached and my heart….FEARED.

I could hear whimpering….was it my daughter? OH GOD…is it my daughter…WHO?

As I approached the crowd…indeed it was MY daughter. Everyone around me chattered in voices I could not understand. It was surreal to hear so many voices and yet not hear one word. A woman led me through the crowd. I could see that my daughter was alright as they were lifting her to her feet from the road. They looked her over as I ran to hug her. As I held her in my arms, I noticed a drop of blood on my hand.

“OH GOD…Oh my baby…HELP ME LORD”

I could only think this…I was speechless…there was no one to understand me!

Only eyes…many eyes looking on…..

One of her fellow students saw her getting bread and yelled to her that she better hurry and so she ran out into the road not looking first as she had always done previously.

One of my neighbors had run over to my house and kept the children. How thankful I was in all the confusion of the moment.

Then…out of nowhere…a lady from the next village came by. She was on her way to work and had to stop with the road blocked.

This lady… Madame S. …I knew. My daughter had played at her home in the village next to ours many times.

She spoke perfect ENGLISH and she was sent of the LORD.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

She offered to take us to the ER…the same hospital of Stephen. We’d have to be dropped off at the front since she had to go to work. There were no familiar faces in the ER, but they were very kind as I filled out paper work with the help of one that spoke English.

FEAR…oh the torments of FEAR. We all experience it.

Would I let it overtake me now? After all that God had done for me thus far…and oh, the token of his love in sending this lady at just the right time!

A nurse said that because there was a little blood and a bump on her head they would do x-rays.

Did I see any blood come from her nose?

“Her nose?”

A head injury? …. “No, no blood.”

RELIEF…..

I sat patiently waiting …a lone… a lone with GOD. Praying and recalling his mercies and his will.

Can I accept his will again? Could tragedy have struck our home?

Psalm 119:49 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.

This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.

While I was waiting… a call came in saying that my neighbor’s husband was coming to take us home. Evidently Madame S. had called to find me help. The gentleman was the father of one of the girls my daughter’s played with daily.

They brought my daughter out to me…and said everything was fine. She would have a headache and keep a watchful eye on her for a few days.

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes 3:1

The LORD was teaching me, yet again…CONFIDENCE..TRUST…HOPE.

I needed this…I needed to know that just because I lost one child, did not mean I was going to lose them all.

Fear has a way of gripping our lives…day by day…fear of the unknown…and fear that those things we dread would come again.

Perhaps even in reading this story..you fear that this might happen to you?

Dear Reader…find the LORD. Seek him as hid treasure and cherish his Word. Know that the LORD GOD loves you and desires only the best for you. In confidence there is hope and assurance, that GOD does all things well.

My life:

This time in my life...the birth and death of my son...taught me the value of faith and the precious treasure of his blessed WORD. The WORD of God found in a King James Bible...comforts like none other.

Faith comes by obedience and faithfulness in his WORD. To know God and understand His ways..bring peace.

This we must accept..believe...and trust.

Years of growth in my walk with the LORD has enabled me to comprehend some of his works now and in the past. I can now share this story with you as he has revealed it is the time. His will in our lives as he brings things to pass, show us he works perfectly. Trials do not destroy faith...they strengthen it. Yielding to Him…is the secret to peace overcoming fear. To know Him..and understand Him, comes from his WORD.

The book of Proverbs..is the book of wisdom and understanding. A wealth of scripture to guide us and show us the way to walk with the LORD.

Proverbs 2:1-5 My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee;
So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thin heart to understanding; Yea if thou criest after knowledge and liftest up thy voice for understanding; if thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.

The book of Psalms…is the book of Praise and Prayers and answers from God to those who call upon him.

David so aptly put it in

Psalm 121:1-2 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD which made heaven and earth.

Psalm m 120:1 In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me.

I truly believe that GOD allowed this accident of my daughters at that time to show me his compassionate care. I did not need to walk in fear..but in remembrance of his blessed will and loving care. Just like before.

The man involved in the accident with my daughter…came by and brought her a new backpack. They said the old one…torn from her fall…saved her life. The best we could…we told him…

C'est le Seigneur...It is the LORD…. HE saved her life.

The gentleman was relieved that we did not blame him, nor were we angry.
It was a testimony once again of God’s greatness and peace to those who put their trust in him.

He smiled and thanked us over and over again.

FEAR….

As Isaiah 41:10 says… Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Matthew 10: 31-32 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
Whosoever, therefore shall confess me before men, him will I also confess before my Father which is in heaven.

Dear Reader…. Please take comfort and courage in knowing we have a great and mighty God. He knows you and he knows me. He has given us every provision to trust in him…to believe who he is and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.
Many fear because of the unknown….but when we know the LORD Jesus Christ as our personal Saviour; We KNOW him..the GOD of all glory. We KNOW him…the GOD of all creation and we KNOW his WORD is true and his promises sure.

As difficult as it may seem….we can trust him and we can rest in his care, promises and always…his perfect will.

I John 4:18-19 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
We love him, because he first loved us.

For GOD so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son… John 3:16 a

His love is perfect….and in this love, fear can and is cast out…when we trust in Him and know he is GOD.

Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God.

A Hymn: His Way with Thee

Would you live for Jesus and be always pure and good?
Would you walk with Him within the narrow road?
Would you have Him bear your burden, carry all your load?
Let Him have his way with thee..
His pow’r can make you what you ought to be, His blood can cleanse your heart and make you free, His love can fill your soul, and you will see…
‘Twas best for Him to have His way with thee.

Cyrus S. Nusbaum 1861-1937

THE MUSIC BOXES

2008-05-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

The Swiss Chalet music box on the right of this photo is quite unique. It was given to me by my sister on my 16th birthday.She purchased it at a local gift shop here in the U.S. We have always loved European design and rightly so as I am of German heritage, and I was also born in Germany while my father served in the Armed Forces overseas. This music box is one of few things I still own from my childhood.

This music box plays the song “Edelweiss”…. Many of you remember this song in the movie The Sound of Music.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Every morning you greet me…

Small and white, clean and bright…

You look happy to greet me.

Blossoms of snow may you bloom and grow

Bloom and grow forever…

Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Bless my homeland forever.

How noteworthy that Stephen was born in Switzerland and buried on a day it snowed and that his life touched Kathryn to the saving of her soul…forever. A blossom of the seed of God's work. Oh and how happy one day he will be to greet her.

Also “Edelweiss means Noble and White…short lived.

The other music box is also very unique. We purchased it in a village we visited and it is the exact same size and making of the other. This one plays another special song…

“Go Tell It On The Mountain”

Go, tell it on the mountain..

Over the hills and everwhere…

Go, tell it on the mountain…

That Jesus Christ is born.

And this is exactly what we did…we told those around us on the mountain…about our Saviour, the LORD JESUS CHRIST.

When I look at these two music boxes, life seems to emerge from them. People that we knew in this small country of Switzerland. The life we lived there among them and the heartfelt belonging I feel.

The tablecloth represents the Swiss people. The colors, the designs and the costumes. I purchased this on a visit to the village of Gruyere. A village known for the delicious cheese made there. I use this cheese today in a recipe I was given while living in Switzerland and converted it well to American ingredients. I will share it with you at the end of my story! It is a family favorite and my husband calls it his “comfort” food for the warmth and satisfying taste it brings; it also brings back the memories of God’s goodness to us.

Psalm 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Little things in our lives that mean so much to us. Precious reminders of the works of GOD. Who would have ever known back on my sixteenth birthday that I would live in Switzerland…that this song would be so noteworthy…and that there was another little Swiss Chalet to be bought complimenting one another’s songs?

A SURPISE VISIT....

2008-05-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

Only a week had passed since Stephen’s funeral. We had found so much comfort in the time spent with Kathryn during our preparations and now the void of her fellowship returned.

On the weekend of my eldest daughter’s seventh birthday we received a surprise telephone call from Kathryn. She and her boyfriend would be on a skiing trip near our village and they wanted to stop by to say hello. How elated we all were to know that we had visitors coming and not just any visitor, our beloved Kathryn!

As we anticipated the visit... with her boyfriend.We prayed the LORD would touch his heart in some way. It was to be our first meeting.

They came with a lovely gift for my daughter’s birthday and of course a hand full of “goodies” for the children and a bouquet of flowers for the hostess.
Each time a Swiss came to our home this was the customary greeting to the hostess…flowers and chocolate. It always made such a warm greeting.

We all sat around the table drinking hot chocolate. A favorite of skiers…and of course the Swiss people! We liked her boyfriend very much ... a tall young man with a gentle nature and warming smile.

It was hard for me to imagine him opposing Kathryn visiting us, but then he didn't know us and watching the convicting power of the Holy Spirit working in her life troubled him. Little did he realize it was The Word of God revealing truth to her.

Our meeting went very nicely…laughter filled the house with the children’s tales of “family” life.

“You know what SHE did once”…. “I did not!”…

all of us in unison .. “OH, yes you did!!” and smiles lit upon each face.

The children sang some French songs they learned in Sunday school. Songs that spoke of the love of Jesus and his salvation.

Kathryn’s boyfriend…was seeing first hand…WHY?... Kathryn found peace around us. WHY”… she enjoyed her visits with us. Not just this family… but a CHRISTIAN family.

He heard and he watched…as we all bowed in prayer for the blessings on our daughter. My husband also asked God’s blessings upon our home..our children and our friends.

It is astonishing how many people have not heard a prayer from the heart. I don't know if this was the case for him then, but I do know that he later talked with her about prayer.

(As was the testimony at Stephen’s funeral…talk was made of how touching it was of the Father who prayed in his own words at his son’s service!)

Many only know as I did as a child, the memorized prayers that came from a booklet given in a class and once learned are just repeated over and over.

When I trusted Christ as my personal Saviour… my prayers became very personal also. From the heart…poured out in an instant.

Matthew 6:7-8 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do; for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

Verse 9… After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which are in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

..and we also pray… THY WILL BE DONE….

(this is an example of the “manner” in which to pray…praying to GOD as your FATHER…praying to the GOD of HEAVEN with holy reverence…and according to his blessed will..for he knows what is best)

…. and as the verses continue they teach us how to pray… the words become our own.

Just as in the Psalms of David…prayers recorded so that we can understand the depths of his pleadings to God and the help he received and the heartfelt prayers of repentance.

As a born again believer…I can relate to these prayers. I don’t say the same exact words… memorized…but by faith and my own needs. David pleaded as I do and have. I too have received this mercy and the answers to needs so great…man could not help..only the true GOD of Heaven.

Sometimes it has been a mere few words of..

“Oh, Lord..help me!”

...because I could not find the words to express my heart…but God knew.

Psalm 139:4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.

How oft dear reader…in this story have you not read of the many times God intervened and saw my need before my prayer was ever heard…but the prayer showed my desires…it showed my hope and trust in him…it showed I knew all the answers lie in my GOD.

Our petitions are ever before him…and he hears them.

Look in the BIBLE and see prayer from the beginning to the end.

Psalm 66:19 But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer.

It was hard to say good bye wondering when we would see Kathryn again, yet we rejoiced in this time spent together. We rested in the work God needed to do in these two lives.

It was another day…of comfort, hope and assurance that our lives continued to be used for God’s work.

Psalm 118:24 This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

A LONE BUTTERFLY...of comfort

2008-05-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

MAY 22, 2008

Today will be a present time post. It is amazing how the timing for some of my post have been. This post was not planned as I’ve mentioned before about some others. I pray that it brings a blessing to you.

Three years ago today my little granddaughter Kaitlyn was stillborn. She is the infant daughter of my son Charlie; the twin brother of Stephen, of whom my blog story is all about.

I went to visit her grave today with flowers and a birthday balloon. Charlie is currently serving in Iraq and I knew that this was what he would have wanted to do had he been here. She is buried in a National Cemetery and it was so fitting today with Memorial Day’s observance Monday to have an American flag next to her grave. Nice, that the flag somewhat represented her dad being there today as well. I know he was in thought and heart.

Among the flowers I placed a little butterfly. We always think of butterflies whenever her name is mentioned or when we see one…she is there.

Here is a little story about “Kaitlyn”.

Kaitlyn was stillborn weighing only one pound and a few ounces. Her birth was premature and much unexpected though my daughter in law experienced some complications along the way.

For Kaitlyn's funeral my son asked his dad to do the service. It was held outside under an awning not far from the grave site. Appropriately, my husband chose the same verses read at our own son’s funeral.

Our hearts were deeply touched now watching his brother bare the same trial.

My husband sang this song:

REJOICE IN THE LORD by Ron Hamilton (here are a few of the words)

God never moves without purpose or plan
When trying his servant and molding a man

Oh rejoice in the LORD
He makes no mistake
He knoweth the way of each path that I take

For when I am tried and purified
I shall come forth as Gold…

As we sat in front of the little white casket draped with lovely spring flowers and more surrounding….we listened to my husband singing.

Suddenly in the peacefulness of the song and calmness of the beautiful day…a lone butterfly appeared out of nowhere. I grasped my son’s hand as we watched in awe as the butterfly fluttered about the flowers, first on the casket and then to each floral arrangement surrounding the casket …she then disappeared. We glanced at each other with tears and a smile.

After the service, everyone commented on the sudden appearance of a lone butterfly. They too, saw the message in plain sight. Kaitlyn is happy with the LORD. We all felt it was a little touch of God. Assurance in a time of sorrow…of His blessed creation and it’s joys.

I never realized how a time like this can cause you to look about more and realize the messages found in so much of God’s creation..even the tiniest of them…like a lone butterfly.

This trial of my son’s drew him closer in his walk with the LORD and renewed the awareness of the shortness of life and how important our choices are. How vital it is to know the LORD Jesus Christ as one’s personal Saviour and have that peace when needed that passeth all understanding.

St. John 1: 3-4 All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made.
In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

Though Kaitlyn’s life was taken….life lived on in this butterfly…and so did hope.

As I stood there today recalling the post I’ve written in the past few days it was as though the freshness of both funerals had arisen in my heart. Not the sadness….but the wondrous works of our mighty God.

He heals and he restores…he gladdens and soothes the mind….his grace is sufficient and his truth surely made known.

WORDS OF COMFORT...

2008-05-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

In the days that passed after the funeral…we received numerous cards of sympathy.

I received a letter from one of my dearest friends Janie…she was the first Christian women to befriend me and she has always meant so much to me and her letter to this day is in my possession.

She wrote in her letter…

“I was playing my piano for some uplifting spiritual music and came across the song “Now I belong to Jesus” that your husband sang in church. I thought about how many people take our Lord in such a light fashion. Our service for him is so real and so hard at times. When little Stephen died, I cried so hard for the grief that comes to the flesh and at the same time I was rejoicing that that part of your “trial of faith” was over. How dear you are to us here."

All the cards we received expressed their love to us, it lifted our hearts at a time when you can feel so alone…in a busy world.

One card read:
I know the LORD will uplift you all, through this sorrowful time in your lives. It’s wonderful that we can go to Him in our time of need and His everlasting arms are always there to comfort us. Knowing that your precious son is with Him now and that you’ll see him again is a blessing.

Another from the Pastor of the church we visited:
The Lord has certainly used Stephen during his short life, and yourselves to bring glory to His name and encouragement to others. We pray that He will bring comfort and consolation.

A note from one of his nurses says... His death has touched my heart.

A neighbor we knew briefly sent words of wanting to help us in any way…

It was hard to grasp the closure of Stephen’s life. I had faced “reality” so many times and yet during this time, it was all starting to “soak in”. The devil took full advantage of my weakness, but the LORD was indeed that comforter each of these cards expressed. The words written were not void of comfort nor were they mere words…they reached the depths of compassion so needed.

I cried one night as I lay in bed…I had been so caught up in all the needful preparations and keeping up with my family that the time finally came to just “grieve” my loss.

To grieve is not wrong. Many Christians think they must be this strong person of no emotion of sorrow and that your faith is weak if you do.

The Bible does state ..not to sorrow as others which have no hope…

This says..as others… the lost who wail and bemoan with no assurance of ever seeing their loved one again. They have no peace and no comfort of God’s ways.
Grieving is a natural process of our hearts expressing a type of sorrow that involves love. In the proper grief…one naturally misses the companionship of the loss or in my case the bond of mother to child. That love is often expressed in tears of sorrow or joy.

Many a “tough guy” when touched deeply…a tear trails down his cheek and you know this man has a heart just like any other.

I had questioned myself in this…

"Was I weak?"

And then my husband so gently reminded me of this LOVE that is present within us that must express itself.

God also expressed many emotions… we must remember, he was tempted in all points as we…yet without sin. He too grieved over the rebellion of man….he loved his brethren…he loved as no other…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16

My heart was lifted as I began to think upon my son’s presence with the LORD and how pleased the LORD was and is to have used this sweet creation of his to bring a soul to salvation.

This is why that verse we chose was special…

Precious in the sight of the LORD, is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15

Precious because his work is finished and accomplished that which he pleased. His greatest work and desire..to save souls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May 2008 As I read today in my devotions, I came across passages in Isaiah, one of my favorite books in the Bible. It manifest so clearly the holiness of GOD and his majesties. I recommend reading especially chapters 51-55.
Verses today that stood out to me where found in:

Isaiah 51:11 Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their heads: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

Isaiah 52:3 For thus saith the Lord, Ye have sold yourselves for nought; and ye shall be redeemed with out money.

Amen! … only through the mercies of our loving God and his sacrifice on Calvary is man redeemed. No amount of money will ever suffice. Would the GOD of all creation…need money of all things, to redeem those whom he loved and died for!

Then in verse 10

The Lord hath made bare his holy arm in the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.

And in the New Testament the way is found:

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me.

And my favorite verse that sustains me always in all my trials and tribulations.. for this is my confidence. God’s faithfulness in giving me his perfect Word without error. The God of creation…he can write a book too!

I know him and I know he loves…even me.

I John 5:13 These things are written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God: that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

WHITER THAN SNOW....

2008-05-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

The Hymn: Whiter Than Snow

Lord Jesus I long to be perfectly whole,
I want Thee for ever to live in my soul,
Break down every idol, cast out every foe..
Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.
Whiter than snow...yes, whiter than snow..
Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.

The day of the funeral had come…

It had snowed in the night and we awoke to a glorious white covering…so fresh and clean. Perfect for this day.

One of the village ladies whose children played with mine, offered to babysit for the funeral. We felt it best at their young age not to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of death. They knew their baby brother was in Heaven with the LORD and they were at peace in their young hearts.

I stepped out on our balcony to breathe in the fresh crisp air of the morn. I loved it when it snowed. I can’t explain its pleasure….just refreshing…and that I needed this day.

Claudine had come by and set things up for the little reception to follow at our home. She had everything prepared and her lovely lace apron ready.

Kathryn came to the house early…her presence almost brought Stephen back to life…for there was a new life in Christ with us. LIFE….full of joy and happiness, that she had not known before. She knew GOD as her Saviour and she had the assurance of Eternal LIFE.

As the time approached to go to the cemetery, I picked up the flowers I had purchased the day before to put on Stephen’s grave. A HUGE…bouquet of yellow…Daffodils and Carnations. The same flowers given to me when he was born…the Daffodils that surrounded me in the springtime of this trial. I love these flowers.

With the flowers in my arms, my husband carried the ashes in the little box, finished with our own loving hearts and hands, Kathryn walked with us to the cemetery.

There standing silently on the snow covered ground as I can recall were,
Jack and Anne Marie, Claudine, her husband and mother in law, the Pastor of the village and ten village representatives.

We were so touched by the people who came to support us and bring comforting smiles. The village people showed that they weren’t there just to be representatives...but truly came out of compassion and wanted us to know that as a whole, the village cared.

We placed Stephen’s ashes in the openings that was surrounded by piles of snow. I was so relieved that it wasn’t just a dirt mound. The snow seemed to make such a statement for us.

The service began with the Pastor speaking and reading our requested scripture.

I Corinthians 15:51-58
Behold I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed.
In a moment, in the twinkling o f any eye, at the last trump: for the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

These verses in particular,

I Thessalonians 4:13-18
But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, with the trump of god: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the LORD in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
Where for comfort one another with these words.

My husband then prayed. Prayed as these people had never heard before.

A prayer from the heart of a man who had just lost his own child. A prayer that was not memorized or planned. Sincere words of gratitude for all that GOD had done for us. Words manifesting who our Saviour was…the LORD JESUS CHRIST and a prayer to comfort those listening with the comfort we ourselves held within our bosom.

The final verse:

Psalm 116:18 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.

This verse we painted on the white cross for Stephen’s grave.

We covered the box with a mound of snow, and then placed the cross at the head of the grave where I also lay the yellow daffodils. The yellow seem to be so much brighter on the whiteness of the snow. A lovely picture of purity and hope.

The beauty of the whiteness gave such comfort of hope …no sin is found in him…he is a saint by the LORD Jesus. The innocence of my son….covered. Sainthood not of man or by means of any other way. A child of innocence…covered by grace. And Kathryn, a saint; sins washed away by the cleansing blood of the LORD Jesus shed on Calvary for the remission of all sin. A saint by HIS righteousness.

There we all held hands in closing prayer.

My husband and I stayed back for a while as the others walked up to our home.

We stood quietly together and said our goodbyes… but it is temporary…
Praise God … we know we shall see him again!

The funeral day .... JANUARY 31st

the same day we had closed on our home one year earlier...

the beginning of our Journey of Hope

and this day the end of our trial, filled with hope.

It is well, with my soul....

2008-05-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 9:38-39

It is the day we are told to pick up Stephen’s ashes. We must go to a nearby town…a good distance. The eldest children will be in school, but we have to take the other three…one of whom is baby Charlie.

We had no idea what to expect…certainly not what did.

As we arrived; I stayed in our van with the children. Charlie was sleeping soundly from the ride in his baby carrier and the other children ages 4 and 2 sat sweetly reading books.

That morning unfortunately I was told the time that the cremation was to be done. I did not want this information and as the time approached; I stood at the window looking at that glorious white mountain…......Mount Blanc.

My heart was heavy and tears once again filled my eyes. I held Stephen’s little teddy bear I had made him and cried.

Those tears, I know are stored in a bottle… a bottle of remembrance in God’s love of keeping them. Perhaps one day he will empty them in front of Stephen and our family together with Kathryn and how many others might have been part of those tears…that sown in sorrow…will reap JOY everlasting.

The mountain of GOD…. That glorious mountain created by Him.

A continual reminder to me of his majesty.

My husband came to the van and as he opened the door…I saw his face…sullen and sad. There he stood, with a brown wrapped package…he handed it to me… and I froze in silence.

I could not believe it….I could not believe that people had let us come to this point… did they not consider?

Or did God allow this….why?.... to hurt our hearts? To punish us?

No…..God in his perfect design…wanted this for us, so that we could face reality.

This was indeed a test of FAITH….was our faith real?

You must ask yourself…

If this were to happen to you …would FAITH…

belief in the majestic GOD of creation, who has promised Eternal life to those who believe in him, trust him and know him as their Saviour…

COULD you…WOULD you…accept Reality?

As I clutched this package…with a tag reading my son’s name….

I had to grasp the depths of reality…Stephen was not there.

He was in the presence of my GOD!! He was healed…he was whole again and he was happy.

Would some dare say…you live in a dream world? They might …

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take on the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God… Ephesians 6:16-17a

My confidence is found in The precious Word Of God that had lead me to my Saviour…the Word Of God that gave me strength in time of need…the WORD that brought comfort to my soul in despair….and the promises of his Holy Spirits dwelling that confirms…it is TRUTH.

The WORD of GOD written for our learning…that we through comfort of the Scriptures…might have HOPE!

The children busied themselves with their books…as I held my son’s ashes.
We had to be strong for the children so young, they would not understand.
It was the comfort of GOD that enabled us to go on …at such a time…peace.

What were we to do now? My husband and I decided to stop at a hardware store and purchase an unfinished box with a lid and a clasp. Something similar to a jewelry box. We also purchased some wood to make a cross.

When we arrived home…my husband went down to our basement where there was a room he used as a workshop. There he spent the afternoon.

I was not there…I can only imagine the time alone he spent in thought and prayer.
Then… he called me down stairs….he finished the box with a beautiful wood stain and placed Stephen’s ashes inside and sealed the box.

He then built a cross and painted it white. I painted Stephen’s name across the top.
It was an emotional heart wrenching time for us, as we did this together…it was so very personal….and GOD was there….with us.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed: for I am they God: I will strengthen thee: yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

I can imagine the many missionaries on the field who have buried their own loved ones…suffered loss….and yet in all…looked to the glorious cross of the LORD Jesus and thanked him for that loved one who blessed their lives.

Yes, thankful… thankful for those promises God fulfilled in our lives.

We had prayer together and thanked God for his unspeakable grace, his merciful kindness in all that he had done for us and the witness that yet still remained for us in this village.

The funeral was to be in a couple of days.

I know that as you read this…it will be overwhelming.

Take this time dear reader…and ask yourself…

Do you truly know the LORD Jesus as your personal Saviour? Do you have the faith that can be tested ….do you have the faith that when tested will magnify who GOD is to others? That’s the reason….OTHERS.

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; and yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Philip P. Bliss wrote the noteworthy song… It Is Well With My Soul..in time of tragic loss..

When peace, like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll..
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say..
It is well; it is well with my soul…
It is well…it is well…. With my soul…with my soul…
It is well..it is well…with my soul!

New post on May 13

2008-05-08T10:59:00.001-07:00

Grace and Death

2008-05-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes: and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. Revelation 21:4-5

The above verses are ones that touched my heart when I was witnessed to about the LORD and salvation. I had always feared of not knowing where I would go when I died. These verses from God’s Word brought me assurance and peace.

…these words are true and faithful.

I believed them then…and I believed them at this time of my son’s death. I knew that he was with the LORD… that his body no longer suffered and that all things were new!!

I made mention several times in this testimonial story of the number 5

I’d like to explain…

In the scriptures numbers have specific meanings:

You will note as you read or study the Bible several outstanding numbers…

for example 13 has always been associated with Rebellion.

and it is noteworthy that some verses with 13 are in regards most often to Rebellion.

The number 3 is associated with God and the trinity…the number 6 man..the number 40 judgment…

And the number 5 Grace...and...Death

If you recall...Stephen was born in my 5th pregnancy...he was my 5th born child and he died on January 25 (5 x 5)…the verse that became my favorite is found in Job 42:5

…..and many other verses that came as I read my Bible with the verse 5.

Psalm 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

These are noted throughout my story.

For GRACE…Kathryn was saved by Grace through Faith…

Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love where with he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved).

Revelation 22:5 And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.

Romans 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

For DEATH:

Genesis 5:5 is the first natural death…And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.

Isaiah 25: 8-9 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth; for the LORD hath spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.

When Stephen died on January 25th and I wrote in my journal, I began to see all the associations with this number. It won’t always be this way…but for this time...it was my comfort.

God’s Word is so perfect in its creation. The middle verse of the Bible is

Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

For indeed there are times in our life that man cannot come to our aid...only the God of Heaven.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the word was God.

John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.

I John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

God’s Word is truly the comfort of every soul that searches….

A wealth and treasure is found in those precious pages.

PREPARATIONS....

2008-05-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

Preparations now needed to be made for a funeral.

I never dreamed that I would find myself doing this, as such a young mother. I was only 28 yrs. old.

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3:25

Bury one of my children…plan a funeral?

Many times in the past I feared this very thing. I remember my first pregnancy….worry…worry…worry.

…notice the verse says THING…

And in my case this thing was a “happening”…a time I didn’t think I could handle…a time or event that I feared would take hold of my life and destroy me.

Now…I found it had come. Yet, God in his greatness and wonders of awe…gives peace at such times most needed.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is ever lasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3-4

Though I fought the flesh and emotions…God gave strength were man could not.

We had an appointment the next day at Helen’s to speak with someone about making some kind of arrangements.

The next morning as we pulled out of the driveway of our home; it was so quiet. I looked around and saw people getting ready to work in their gardens…the farmer rounding up his cows…women hanging their quilts out the windows as usual to air in the freshness of the morn.

“NO…wait!!!...STOP…you don’t understand…my son has died!...STOP WORLD!”

A gentleman stopped in his tracks and just “stared” …no, he wasn't staring he was just watching us drive by.

Once again…REALITY came to my heart. How oft this comes and we forget…

That life goes on…day upon day…and yet for some…sorrow has come…joy has come.

I realized this event…was to be mine. My families.

“God help us get through this difficult time…

alone..

though there are people who want to help us…YOU, LORD alone are the one we need. The One who can supply all our need…physical, spiritual, mental…all in all…is our LORD GOD.”

When we arrived at Helen’s…Kathryn was there waiting, she offered to take all the children to a park while we made our preparations. Helen spoke perfect English as well as German and French. She would help us with every detail.

As we talked with the funeral director, we explained that due to our soaring hospital cost we could not afford a funeral or a casket…and so he offered us the service of cremation. The hospital in another town had a special garden for children who have died with no place for burial. He then opened a binder and began to show us photos of urns.

I had to leave.

I went outside to collect my thoughts. How hard it was to hear these words.

I stood outside and cried.

My husband had to continue with the arrangements; my heart ached for him to have to carry on this task.

I soon returned inside as they had finished up and Kathryn returned.
The children helped relieve the emotions..they were excited about where Kathryn had taken them and told us all about it. It was fun.

I was so thankful to her for doing this…what relief…and a need taken care of.

I remember reading an article once about a woman who had a death in the family and a friend came to the door and asked for everyone’s dress shoes…

“Dress shoes?...why do you want our dress shoes?”

“To polish them for the funeral…I want you all to look your best and thought I could help in doing this”

The woman was so touched….she had not even thought about their shoes…the children’s shoes were scuffed and in great need of a good polish. This small act of kindness so touched the woman and on the day of the funeral as they all dressed she looked down at her children’s shiny shoes and sighed relief.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

When we arrived home…Claudine came over to see how we were and what arrangements had been made. We explained our situation to her.

The village Pastor came over to visit a short time later. We had never met him before,a kindly man and quiet. We spoke of our faith and he was greatly encouraged by our calm spirit and peace.

The next day Claudine came over and told us that the village agreed that since we lived there in their midst and our son was born here, in their country…they would give us a place for him in the village graveyard.

I could not believe it…my heart welled up with thankfulness…

Our son, buried right here in this village...

...a token also...that we had been accepted.

I could see the graveyard from my large picture window. We walked past it often on our walks and my daughter’s classroom building shared it’s fence.

Claudine warned us however, of the tradition of funerals in the village. 200 people in attendance! We explained to Claudine that we wanted a small private service…she said that she was sure that would be okay, but to expect some representatives of the village. She offered to help with a small reception afterwards. She had all the aprons and things needed…she had done many funerals in the village. She’d take care of it all.

We met again with the Pastor of the village…each village Pastor ministers to the needs of all the residents. We were warmly welcomed into his home and served hot tea by his wife. We talked about the scriptures we wanted read and that my husband also wanted to speak. They were totally surprised, and had never had a Father speak at the funeral of his own child. We could do this, but the Pastor had to reside and say the scriptures.

In the arrangements made, due to our financial dilemma, we were to pick up Stephen’s ashes…ourselves.

We would be told what day.

II Corinthians 12:9-10
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

ANOTHER JOURNEY

2008-05-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

As the children and I began this day’s journey…my heart raced with anticipation.

Helen said she would have her husband take care of details in reaching my husband with the news for me.

"What do I expect? How will I react? How will the children respond?

As I drove out of my driveway, the morning was just coming to light but with fog.

“Oh, dear LORD…I can’t even see….the roads are windy ahead…PLEASE LORD…HELP ME!!!”

I drove slowly..praying all the way. I asked the children to sit quietly so I could concentrate on the road. Always obedient and so sweet..they complied. My eldest, though still so young at age 7 watched over baby Charlie for me.

As I entered into the next village…I noticed the tail lights of a vehicle. I knew you were not suppose to follow tail lights of another vehicle in fog...but I would not make it down that mountain’s windy road without a guide. All I could see was the faint red dots in front of me…I hoped and prayed they did not leave my sight.

Arriving closer to the town the sky began to clear and with relief I was where I was suppose to be! This entire time...I did not see nor hear another vehicle on the road.

THANK YOU LORD…again.<

The road was now familiar.. to Helen’s. She greeted us at the door and made the children comfortable. She said that her husband was unable to reach my husband because he was already in flight to come home. They would meet him at the airport upon arrival.

I held my composure and did fine until Kathryn came to the door. As she entered and hugged me the tears trickled down as I tried my best to remain strong for my children.

Though the hospital was right next door we still drove since it was so early in the morning. I was numb as we approached the hospital. I knew I would have difficulty communicating and I wanted so much even at this present time to Glorify the LORD. To let them know HE was with me. Kathryn, thankfully an English nurse is with me.

Praise God!

As we walked to the entrance of the children’s ward I braced myself.

"Dear God!!! Help me!"

The doctor walked us to Stephen’s room … I went in alone at first and there...

There…I found my son lying very still on his crib with the sides down surrounded by real flowers. He was in my favorite orange sleeper.

My heart broke. The sight I cannot put into words…it was the flowers of all things that put finality to it all. The nurses so kindly had placed a little group of flowers at his feet and at his head and a few petals scattered around him.

I didn’t like the sight…

…but I knew this was a kindness from them to show their condolences.

The doctor came in and stood on the other side of the crib. I felt very uncomfortable as I had so many times in the past with them watching me. I didn’t feel I could fully express my sorrow at that time. I held it in as I touched his lifeless body. I placed my hand upon his arms and for a brief moment, thought he had moved and lifted his hand…I told Kathryn and she nodded … no.

I then said to her…

“How can people not get saved Kathryn...he is not here…he IS with the LORD! He IS in Heaven! It is so evident…the life is gone..But he is still alive in the presence of my dear Saviour!!!"

Psalm 66:8-9 O bless our God, ye people, and make the voice of his praise to be heard;
Which holdeth our soul in life, and suffereth not our feet to be moved.

For the first time in my life...I saw death right before me. The very thing I feared and did not understand up until my salvation. My confidence in the Lord was there…my peace…the Peace that passeth ALL understanding!

I wanted to pick Stephen up, but again…I was afraid I would do something I shouldn’t and for some reason I didn’t even ask. Kathryn and I stood there for a while and then we walked out. I didn’t know what to do…we walked a few steps and I turned to look at his door…

“Do you want to go back in?”

“I don’t know, I wish I had held him… but, no I can’t right now”

I did not know what to do..I was numb, but yet I had peace in my heart and not overwhelmed with the sorrow of those with no hope, no assurance. More than ever, I was at God’s mercy, thanking him for my salvation…

Oh had I not known the Grace of God!

The nurses came around the desk and gave hugs and sweet smiles. That is all I remember before leaving. They told us we could come back whenever we wanted ..that they would have him in a special room for viewing.

I don’t remember much after this….I then found myself back at my home in the village. I’m sure Kathryn must have followed me back to make sure I’d be okay as I waited for my husband’s return. I was left then home alone with the children.

My husband upon arrival to the airport was greeted by Helen’s husband who broke the news to him. He had a container full of money that my husband's coworkers had collected to help us with some expenses.

Then as he arrived to the office he was greeted by a secretary…dear Claire with tears in her eyes reached out with flowers in her hand, and seeking words of comfort.
Claire was the secretary who was so helpful to us upon our initial arrival to Switzerland. She set up appointments and went with us the day we took our first journey up to the village we settled in.

My husband was also numb…he felt relief though that this trial had ended. He also knew the peace of the perfect work God had done and was doing in many hearts..Especially that of Kathryn. He was a testimony himself to Claire and to Helen’s husband.

A time when a man who does not know the LORD as his Saviour, would succumb to grief. He too held his composure. He told me later, he knew in his heart that I was okay. peace, knowing GOD had already helped me so many times…he would not fail this most needful time of all.

A portion of a song by Bryn Riplinger:

My Promises Never Fail

Have the flowers ever failed to bloom?
Has the sun ceased to shine at noon?
Is there a sparrow that’s fallen down
Without my hearing the sound?
My child if I care for these
I’ll surely care for thee
I know when the storms assail
And my promises never fail

….Oh let me ne’er forget
That God will never fail me
For he has never failed me yet.
~~~~~~~

As my husband arrived home…we hugged tightly and silently knew what each other was feeling.

Claudine knocked on the door and welcomed my husband home and expressed her sorrow. She offered to help us in any way she could. This brought on my flow of tears….her kindness extended once more, was overwhelming to me.

God had brought these people into our lives.

temporary break from posting

2008-04-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

no posting til Monday May 5th.
Thank you for visiting Hope's Journey

Another call...

2008-04-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call also...TODAY...2008

from my son Charlie

He is in Iraq at this present time serving with our armed forces and surprised me with a phone call! I was totally unprepared for this call also ...and tried my best to keep my composure, given I had just read some of my readers comments from the precious post.

He was so excited to tell me of the good things the LORD was doing for him already. Another soldier saw him reading his Bible and said that he too was a Christian. He had also gone into a chapel on his initial arrival to his destination and there he found Bibles with his home church's name in the USA stamped inside. He said it was a little touch of home..so far away.

I'm so thankful for the little things that God brings our way to show he cares..to show us he is indeed with us and knows us.

Please pray for him while he is away from his family. He has 3 living children..and also..yes, he too has one with the LORD. His girls are twins and one son, named Stephen.

This touched my heart deeply today...such timing...

Thank you Lord.

I also read in a devotional this morning...

I will mention the lovingkindnesses of the Lord, and the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord hath bestowed on us... Isaiah 63:7a

The devotion stated:

Forget not what thy God has done for thee; turn over the book of thy remembrance, and consider the days of old.

Go back, then a little way to the choice mercies of yesterday...

THE CALL...

2008-04-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

January 25, 1983 Stephen went to be with the LORD

The call came at 4 a.m.

But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
I Thessalonians 4:13

Just four days after my 28th birthday. My husband was still in Spain…and I was alone.

The phone rang awakening me out of my sleep. The early morning hour was very quiet and still. I anticipated some kind of news.

Was Stephen okay?...

Was it my husband calling from Spain…was he alright? He was due home: a delay…the trip extended?

The voice on the other end was a nurse who asked who I was and said a doctor wanted to speak with me. My heart began to beat like a drum as I waited for the doctor to come to the phone.

“Madame…………………..Stephen is dead.”

“Oh..my”

Just like that! News of this sort.. so blunt and so blank?

Once again REALITY set in… not only the news..but the fact that these people could not speak good English and thus…a very blunt to the point .. fact.

He asked if I could come immediately to the hospital. I froze.

“My…husband is not here and I have other small children, I will have to make some arrangements. I’ll…I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I hung up the phone and dropped to my knees.

“I’m all alone…what am I going to do? “

Stunned…my thoughts were frozen and then I cried out to the LORD.

The one who had sustained me through the past nine months: the one who provided all my needs, answered all my prayers, gave comfort, hope and encouraged me with even his creation; that beautiful white mountain.

I thanked him for his loving kindness and for the soul of Kathryn..saved! I cried with thanksgivings of praise to my God who had performed all things according to his will and according to his good pleasure. I thanked him that my sweet son…

Was with Him.

I cried for help. I needed my LORD. I was afraid …afraid of what I was about to face. I pleaded for the grace to get through this time.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Psalm 121:1-3

While the children continued in quiet sleep. I called long distance to family and friends…to hear familiar voices. I needed prayer and I needed them to know.

I called Kathryn but got no answer.

I called Claudine… she had a house fire during the night. I had no idea.
She expressed her sorrow of the news and not being able to come over to help me.

I told her I would be okay. I’d call Helen.

Helen….no answer. It was 5 a.m. no one was up yet!

I’ll have to wait till at least 7 a.m.

I called the hospital and told them it was impossible for me to be there and that I’d try to be there by 7 or so.

I then went to my room and searched my closet.

What do I wear? Oh, Lord..I don’t even know what to wear?

I changed my clothes a couple of times. The weather was still very cold and I knew I would not be back home for some time. I’d have to pack things for the children…get them up and ready to leave!

I awoke the children and gave them the news. We prayed together and I explained as they already knew. Their little brother was now in heaven.

They could dress themselves and be ready to go.

I let little Charlie remain asleep.

Finally 7 a.m. I tried Helen and she answered…

“Oh dear! Yes, come straight way! I will watch the children for you”

I was also able to reach Kathryn. She would meet me at Helen’s.

I went in to awaken little Charlie and hugged him with tears. I held him tight, as I thought upon his little brother. How thankful I was to have Charlie.
Thankful for the precious children I was blessed to call mine.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born….
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a

A CUP OF HOPE...part 2

2008-04-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD.
Psalm 116:13

Kathryn’s desire to grow in understanding of the Bible became more evident, as her visits became frequent and lasted longer! Now, she enjoyed the visits...as friends..no longer the obligation of "feeling sorry for the American".

Having “tea” together became our signature time.

Over a month’s time in learning however, it brought about some dilemma in her life. Her boyfriend was not happy about her new life in Christ. He didn’t like her spending so much time with me. He accused her of following people. So, I suggested to my hearts dismay…that she not visit and just read on her own and live the example before him, so that he could see it was the Lord in her life and not the influence of people; but the true God of salvation.

He would have to see for himself the change in heart was by the Holy Spirit of God and that she was at peace with God now and had joy in knowing God personally.
We talked by telephone from time to time, but it was hard to have this separation at this time in my life…I was confident that we had studied enough of the Bible for a foundation to be laid for her to build upon in her spiritual growth. The desire was there also.

Thy testimonies are wonderful: therefore doth my soul keep them.

The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.
Psalm 119:129-130

Search the scriptures; for in them ye think he have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me. St. John 5:39

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

God would do the work that needed to be done in her heart and his.

As the weeks passed, Stephen’s condition was deteriorating and he was requiring more oxygen. Each day, I knew I faced the possibility of his death. The phone would ring and I’d brace myself, but the call was usually my husband’s job calling him for information or the necessity of a trip he’d have to make.

And he did…a trip to Spain was on the agenda. A week or more. I’d be alone with the children, but Claudine was always nearby. I’d be okay.

The days passed with our usual routine…kids going to school, playing and needing their usual attention and a visit once in a while from Claudine or her mother in law. I wasn’t able to visit Stephen due to the weather conditions. I did not drive in the snow and with my husband gone; I’d have to wait on his return. The nurses however called often to let me know how Stephen was from day to day. Those calls…were hard. Some of the nurses did not speak English and so I would only hear simple words to tell me he was still alive.

"Stephen est correct aujourd'hui"

My prayers were continually for strength: to be of good courage and help my children get through this time that was affecting their lives as well. I read them their usual nightly Bible stories and we'd sing, giving them assurance that there was peace still in our home...

and explaining to them that Stephen will one day go to Heaven.

A CUP OF HOPE...part 1

2008-04-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.II Corinthians 5:17

And truly Kathryn was now a born again Christian...A new creature...A new heart with a new song and new desire.

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in thee. Psalm 40:3

Just as a newborn babe…learning to talk, walk and grow. These are the beginnings of the Christian life.

Kathryn and I began to have in depth Bible Studies together…over a pot of tea. With her British heritage: a lovely spot of tea was always a specialty and she taught me well. Early Grey and sometimes a wonderful apricot tea. To this day, I enjoy tea daily and with a heart of remembrance of my dearest “friend” and “sister in Christ”. Oh the joy!! of being able to put those two phrases together. At one time, she was just my nurse… I was just another patient. But, GOD chose otherwise. He had a perfect will and way to bring two lives together and show forth His Glory!!

As I think back upon the very beginnings of this story..even now my heart is full..of praise, thanksgiving and awe!

Our Bible studies began in the book of Romans. An important book, with foundations showing the need of salvation, the work of the Spirit and, the walk with God.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1

Kathryn by faith was now justified. I like the acronym that explains this well… “JUST IF I” …… but he took our place, he bore our sins on Calvary and has justified us by grace through faith. And indeed what PEACE we have with God.

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1

No longer condemned with those who chose not to believe…to walk with Him.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. St. John 3:17-18

Our studies brought her much peace in understanding of the Christian life.

As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him. Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. Colossians 2:6-7

Our studies began to establish a faith in her that would remain and in years to come…do exactly the same as it has for me. Give her peace, assurance and purpose of life.

Walking in newness of life…is it possible? Yes, in Christ, it is. He renews in us a refreshing by the forgiveness of our sins that weighed so heavily upon our conscience. Our desires change and life becomes new. A new outlook, a new hope…a new beginning!

No turned over leaf that can flip with the wind back to where it was…this is a new life! Just like the budding of spring and the new life that shows all around us. The creation testifies of this… NEW BIRTH.

Kathryn now….my friend, sister in the Lord…and the comfort I had prayed for…She is the fruit of our labours in the LORD….She is the answers to many prayers…She is the comfort of hope in my trials.
She is my joy….

For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming? For ye are our glory and joy. I Thessalonians 2:19-20

As I wrote in the beginning of this journey…

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

GLORIOUS DAY!

2008-04-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

...behold, now is the accepted time: behold now is the day of salvation. II Corinthians 6:2b
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanksgiving 1982

Kathryn called upon the LORD JESUS CHRIST as her personal Saviour.

Truly they that sow in tears...do reap in joy. The joy that surpasses the sorrows of life are found in the redemption of precious souls by faith in Christ Jesus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanksgiving Day we celebrated quietly in our little Swiss village home "American Style". The week before we were told in the big city of a store that carried items for the Americans holiday..THANKSGIVING: canned cranberry sauce, pumpkin etc. How fun it was to find these familiar items and know we could keep this time of "Thanksgiving" known in our country for it's remembrance of God's bountiful care.

Though quiet, it was peaceful...filled with promise. We talked about our thankfulness and all that God had done for us. We sang together with the children, we prayed and then we drove to the hospital to spend the day with Stephen.

Kathryn was at the hospital working.

Stephen did not look well at all this day, but we encouraged each of the children to hold him and let him know how much we loved him. They too stroked his head, knowing he was soothed by their touch. This was the only day I was able to get a photo of my “twins” together. When Stephen was home the two days, so much had gone on we never stopped to take photos. This day, side by side: Charlie looked so healthy and full of color, Stephen was swollen and his color pale.

Kathryn came down on her break and asked to speak with me privately. We went out of Stephen's room to a quiet spot where we could speak without interruption.

"Hope...I KNOW!!...I now KNOW!”

There are no words to describe the depths of JOY, PEACE and THANKFULNESS upon hearing these words!

Perfect peace…at such a time. Thanksgiving.

“Kathryn…you’ve trusted Christ as your Saviour!!”

“Yes, You said, I would KNOW…and I do!”

For thou, LORD, are good , and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. Psalm 86:5

The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. Psalm 145:18

Kathryn, remembered the verses I had shared with her

I John 5:13
These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

Verse 20 And we know that the Son of God is come and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God, and eternal life.

I not only treasure the Word of God, but also the hymns of old.
This hymn, we sung at the little church we had found in Switzerland. Though we weren’t able to attend for long; this song always stayed in my heart and how appropriate for this time.

ALL THAT THRILLS MY SOUL IS JESUS

Who can cheer the heart like Jesus, By His presence all divine.
True and tender, pure and precious, O how blest to call Him mine..

All that thrills my soul is Jesus, He is more than life to me..
And the fairest of ten thousand In my blessed LORD I see.

Love of Christ so freely given, Grace of God beyond degree
Mercy higher than the heaven, Deeper than the deepest sea.

We hugged and cried and then got ourselves together to tell my family.
As small as my children were, they did understand this happy occasion of saving faith. They knew the prayers that had been asked, they knew the love held in our hearts for Kathryn and they knew we trusted in God.

November 25th our Thanksgiving day of 1982 a notable date with #5.

NOTE: this post was not planned, but must be of the LORD....
TODAY...APRIL 8th, 2008 is the birthday of my twins.

MOMENT BY MOMENT...part 3

2008-04-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

Moment by moment...days passed. Kathryn, many times went down to sit with Stephen. She held him and talked with him herself. Her love and bond grew.

I wonder what her conversations could have been.
Perhaps, as mine had been at one time…

“Lord…I speak to you because these people talk so much about you. You are so real to them. Can you be as real to me? The things they have shared with me…they are true…aren’t they?”

As time passed, she found that Stephen was becoming a very important part of her life. There was so much for her to think upon. So very much.

As we witness of God’s saving grace to the lost, we cannot possibly know the depths of the heart. Only God can. He alone, knows motives and will.

Shall not God search this out? For he knoweth the secrets of the heart. Psalm 44:21

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23

I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

I thank the LORD that he enables us to be his spokes people. To testify of all he has done and will do for those who love him, trust him and live for him. Oh the wonders of it all…the peace and comfort of his care.

We prayed daily for Kathryn’s salvation.

MOMENT BY MOMENT...part 2

2008-04-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

One lone moment that is still so vivid in my mind...was during a visit by myself. I spent an afternoon sitting with Stephen soaking in the time to "cuddle". I stroked his forehead as always to soothe him so calmly.

~~~~~~~~

After his birth and recovering from a minor surgery; the anesthesia had left me so groggy and unable to speak or open my eyes. I remember feeling helpless. Then that loving touch of my husband's hand upon my forehead, calmed my spirit. I will never forget how much that "touch" meant to me.

Is it possible that just a "touch" of God can comfort and strengthen as well?

Daniel 10:18-19...Then there came again and touched me one like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me. And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong, And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me.

~~~~~~~~~

As I held him gently in my arms stroking his forehead, talking with him, it was indeed making every single moment a treasure, knowing his little life would soon pass.

On this day however, one lone moment smote my heart deeply.

As he lay in my arms...I suddenly felt no movement...for a moment. My heart felt like lead and my body filled with a burning heat as my adrenaline rose to it's height.

"Is Stephen...gone?"

Can just a "moment" seem like endless time? I felt as though the entire world had come to a standstill...

and then he breathed.

OH! what relief.

I could feel a wave sweep over my soul and immediate comfort from the touch of TRUTH...

Moment by Moment I'm kept in his love...
Moment by Moment I've life from above...
Looking to Jesus til glory doth shine...
Moment by Moment, O LORD, I am thine.

Had this been his time of death, I was sure that God would have enabled me to be strong. He was with me...to strengthen me, to help me. My comfort and my all in all.

Psalm 94:17 Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence.
When I said, my foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD, held me up.

MOMENT BY MOMENT...part 1

2008-03-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

As I thought upon the title for this chapter, I recalled another favorite song of mine. Many old hymns were written by people who's lives were touched with such thanksgiving that it inspired a song expressing God's care in a fiery trial.

Moment by Moment written in the 1800's.

Never a trial that He is not there
Never a burden that he doth not bear;
Never a sorrow that He doth not share-
Moment by moment, I'm under his care.

CHORUS:
Moment by moment, I'm kept in his love
Moment by moment, I've life from above
Looking to Jesus til glory doth shine
Moment by moment, O Lord, I am thine.

Never a heartache and never a groan,
Never a teardrop and never a moan,
Never a danger but there on the throne
Moment by moment, He thinks of his own.

CHORUS:
Moment by moment, I'm kept in his love
Moment by moment, I've life from above
Looking to Jesus til glory doth shine
Moment by moment, O Lord, I am thine.

Never a weakness that He doth not feel,
Never a sickness that He cannot heal,
Moment by moment in woe or in weal,
Jesus my Savior, abides with me still.

The words to this particular song could have been penned by me; as the words express the very essence of the following portion of my story.I would now have to literally take each day...Moment by Moment.

Madame S. called to tell us that Stephen had been accepted back to his birthing hospital. The one place... where Kathryn worked, the one closer in distance to us, the one with nurses who...LOVED my son.

Can I find words to express my heartfelt thankfulness? Can I find the means by which I can give back to GOD all that he has done for me? yea, only my heart...my love and my total trust. THIS would please my God.

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him, for he that cometh to God must believe that his is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

This answer to prayer...was also the reality of our final journey with our sweet son, Stephen. It will be here that his last days will pass...moment by moment.

A CONTINUAL WITNESS...

2008-03-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

Again I met with Madame S., since Stephen's condition is terminal the hospital wanted us to find another place for him as we "wait".

The nurses had cared so well for him where he is, will anyone else care so tenderly for my child as these nurses had?

I knew it was impossible for myself to be his 24/7 nurse with my other 5 children needing me as well.

My prayer.. "Oh, LORD, please help us find the care he needs with those who will love him as we do"...

Madame S. had been attending meetings and checking around, we had an appointment to visit a home for Epileptic children. When we arrived, I was dismayed with the sight of so many needy children. My throat tightened taking my breath and my eyes once again filled...almost to overflowing. As we inquired the head nurse informed us that there was no space available for us.

NO SPACE?? My child was going to fill a space?

Oh once again I felt that horrible surge of anger over the world's outlook on handicap children. I know she didn't mean for it to sound this way..my emotions and my sensitivity to MY child's need over road any sense of "Professionalism" as they in this field are required. I had to learn to appreciate the "world of Professionalism" and except it. Knowing they deal with people day in and day out.

I have faith. I must exercise it. I must trust the LORD and remember HE knows my needs and HE will guide my way. REMEMBER...his promises...REMEMBER...all he has already done for me.

Psalm 111:3-5 His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth for ever. He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion. He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.

Madame S. checked around...NO SPACE.

She will inquire at the hospital Stephen was born in...the one Kathryn worked at! This is not a hospital for terminally ill patients..but maybe..just maybe they will take Stephen?

Kathryn continued to visit and encourage us in the "nursing" field and the care that he will receive...wherever it is...will be good. It was comforting hearing this from her..a nurse..and a friend.

Our witness with her continued as well...each visit more Bible...more questions...more tears.

Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse. Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Romans 2:19-21

Madame S. also ....another word of our faith. I gave her a gift of appreciation for all her help and also a Gospel tract. Why a tract? after all our conversations?...a reminder...in writing that God's word is always available...the message is never gone and she can always have it with her. Perhaps she will read it and then tuck it away in her purse or in a book and find it again...read it again.

* I am a person who hands out tracts. I heard testimony once of a woman who was given a tract. She did indeed tuck it away. Years! later...she found it..and read it, she remembered that someone cared enough....and one day she trusted Christ as her Saviour!!

COMFORT OF HOPE...part 3

2008-03-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

I titled this chapter COMFORT OF HOPE..because that is exactly what it is..COMFORTing to know that we can have hope in the LORD; in his work and his will.

To rest upon his promises...the innumerable promises found in his Word.

As I read the scriptures I find the treasures of GOD.

Treasure: Wealth, riches stored: highly prized: cherished: for future use.

Imagine that this treasure is given us...for use as we need! riches to enhance our lives to fulfillment, highly prized as the BEST and absolutely CHERISHED.

There have been times in my life that I have actually held my BIBLE to my breast and with awe have hugged it, as it is HIM.

St. John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

So much thankfulness overflows in my heart for the promises that have been mine and more that are mine!

One cannot know the power nor the treasure of His Word without knowing him..the LORD. Just as a letter comes to you from one you do not know..can you comprehend the depths of their words? A total stranger? NO. But, know the person in a very personal way and YES, their words can reach to the depths of your heart and you can understand, yea, even the simplest words.

Does... I LOVE YOU...mean anything from a STRANGER... you'd ask WHY are YOU saying this to ME? I don't know you!

Know the person well and the heart of the individual and...I LOVE YOU...could transform your heart ..give you such JOY....such happiness of belonging. Three simple words.

...God is love. I John 4:8b

And so...as the days pass with my son's condition and knowing we have numbered days, we rest in this love of GOD. We trust and we wait upon his appointed time.

The days, many weary. Some days Stephen's congestion is so bad that a therapist is needed and shows me how to massage his back to loosen phlegm. His hearing is now only 50%. Other days he needs morphine to rest his body.

One visit as I held, him a nurse came into minister the meds. He immediately slumped in my arms..renewing my mind to the fact of this very grave time. His impending death. I held him closely, my eyes full...my husbands arms reached around my shoulder and his eyes were full too.

It was only November....will it be this month? Will it be next month? Before his first birthday?...that is April.

What do you do at such a time? You pray, you hold the hand of your loved one, you have thankfulness in your heart to those who have helped you: family, friends, hospital staff. You cherish the letters, the calls. You humble your heart and mind to the frailty of man and know GOD. You put "self" aside and HIM first. You talk to GOD...every moment of the day, and he hears.

You look and see....the work he is doing and you rejoice. It overcomes the sorrow and fears. You know GOD is with you...his presence is known.

Behold, we count them happy with endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the LORD; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
James 5:11

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
For that, ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.
James 4:14-15

COMFORT OF HOPE...part 2

2008-03-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

Calling home was a difficult task...giving sad news about a grandchild to our parents. My mom held Stephen, she felt it the deepest and with my grandfather passing away... her heart was saddened. She lost her father...and I her daughter, am going to lose a son. So far away..what can she do?

"I will have to comfort her with the many miles separating us, I will have to reassure her of my help and strength in the LORD.

I will have to ..... I will"

Yes, me...I must be the comforter, yet I am the one afflicted. How is this so?

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15

My own heart and spirit moaned at the grief many felt for us, especially those who did not know the LORD Jesus Christ as their own Saviour and know as I did ...the great comfort of his presence.

I grieved for them. No hope. No assurance of eternal life. No rest.

I know God's expected end...PEACE.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

WHY? do people suffer? Why do we sorrow?

As you search the scriptures and seek the LORD...you will understand.

John 5:39 says: Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.

For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.
Psalms 48:14

Just as the woman in the hospital who ran down the hall screaming. My heart longed to reach out to her...I felt the grief in her voice. I wept with her..within.

Why are we like this? Because God put it in us...his heart of love and compassion.

But, man...in his own choices of life...the free will of man...has sinned and sinned and ignored the way God left for us...man has ignored His Word he left for us...man has chosen his own way and thus sin abounds and love and compassion begin to wane. Cain in the first act of rebellion shows his lack of love due to his sinful, selfishness. Yet, how many people down through the ages do show the sacrificial love of GOD in their hearts. How many risk their lives to save others from hurt.

Can we not comprehend the love of God in sending his own Son to die for our sins so that we can live! Can't we grasp in our own hearts...the pain he suffered and the agony of sins ruin upon mankind and yet he was the remedy that man rejects! It should smite your heart to know you have rejected this LOVE...this COMPASSION.

Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Why do we give comfort or feel grief and compassion for others when we ourselves are suffering...because it is within us.

Beloved let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
Here in is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love on another. I John 4:7-11

...and so when we go through trials; such as at this time... for the love of others, for their salvation and the hope of eternal life... for them we suffer tribulations and seek to bring comfort to their hearts more than our own.

Some suffering..is to show the work of GOD in our hearts.

Maybe..it will awaken your heart to compassion...maybe it will renew a heart of thankfulness...and maybe it will open the understanding of the lost...that they can know God and his comfort of peace.

COMFORT OF HOPE....part 1

2008-03-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3:25

YEARS EARLIER~

My husband was in the military when we first married and during our first year at our assigned duty station; I had met several women who had difficulties in their pregnancies:

One woman delivered a still born child, another miscarried several times. Upon the news of expecting my own first child, I was filled with fear. Each day I wondered if the baby I was carrying was okay. The least little thing that didn't seem right...to me...I was alerted. But, all was well and I delivered a precious healthy little girl.Then came my next child...fear again gripped my heart. In this pregnancy, I did almost miscarry...but again...all went well after some rest and I delivered a sweet baby girl. Subsequently, I delivered then my first son and yet another sweet girl.

All healthy and full of life.

When I became pregnant with my 5th pregnancy, I was extremely ill. A friend joked with me about twins.

Me?...twins?...wouldn't that be something!

Upon the presentation of my ultrasound screen... the doctor asked me...

"What do you see there little lady?"

"...TWO!...oh, my..is that TWO?"

"Yes it is! you have two little babies in there!"

and so the phone was busy for quite a long time...telling everyone our exciting news. Boys?....Girls? they didn't tell us back then! what to expect and since my previous children were healthy, there was no reason to think these would not be as well. All my fears were gone.

Names? we always wanted to name one of our boys after our dear friend Charlie and my husband liked the name Stephen so those would be the boys. Girls? I think we just planned on boys (actually I had prayed for two boys)...I don't even recall the names we had chosen for girls though I am sure we had some in reserve.

My 5th pregnancy and Stephen becomes my 5th born.
This number 5 becomes noteworthy as time goes on.

My pregnancy went fine with some medications for occasional nausea. When the time came for moving to Switzerland, I was seven months along and the doctor gave the okay for traveling.

Adventure lie ahead...moving to Europe. An answer to our prayers to go there to share our faith.

I recall the verse in Hebrews on faith, written in the scrapbook made by our church family.

By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went.By faith he sojourned in the land of promise as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
Hebrews 11:8-10

The chapter on the Hero's of Faith. People who took God at his Word, believed him and rested upon it.

Oh, if I could just do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ARRIVAL FOR THE MEETING

Madame S. met us in the lobby of the hospital and escorted us to the office of the Cardiologist who examined our son; she requested to stay with us for the meeting. The doctor was a very kind and gentle man, tall and of commanding stature. His countenance spoke well of his professionalism as well as his character as an individual.

He spoke humbly, as he described the condition of Stephen's heart as well as his overall well being. Stephen is not well. He lacks the abilities of most children, even Down's children in his functions to thrive and grow.

He told us that he stopped playing GOD, many years past. He had situations where the parents begged him to keep their child alive and he tried; only to find out in the event of death, the blame that he would have to bare for their accusations of his failures. He would not live this ever again.

He very kindly explained Stephen's condition by drawing us diagrams and explaining why this was inoperable and that he probably would not live to his first birthday.

Such sorrowful news for a doctor to deliver to parents. He knew we had other children we loved dearly and you could see that his heart was broken telling us about Stephen. As we listened, my husband and I held hands. It is amazing, the peace...the peace that passeth all understanding...that can come at the moment of great need. We both looked at each other and knew...we knew...this was of the LORD. It was all a part of his work in us and through us. We began, both of us, to share our faith in the LORD with this doctor. The relief upon his face cannot be measured by words. He thanked us.

I knew in my heart all along the inevitable...I had prepared my own heart and spirit to receive these words...often I'd ask myself...

"Will I be able to raise a handicap child as he needs with four other children to take care of?... Will I be able to face the death of one of my children?..Oh, LORD...What is in store for me?"

Madame S. walked with us down to the lobby where she asked to speak with us privately. She then began to talk about preparations for the future. Did we know what to expect? Do we have any questions? She will check into our insurance for us.

We then, once again...spoke of God's grace and his help in time of need. We spoke of God's will in the lives of those who know him personally as their Saviour. We spoke of our family and how blessed we were with the children he had given us and that Stephen was a special part of God's creation and plan. We except his plan and know that God does all things well. Madame S. with tears in her eyes...told us we had consoled her and yet she was suppose to console us! The nurses needed to hear what she heard. She later told us as she had relayed to the staff our words to her, how greatly they appreciated our courage and out look of hope. It helped them.

A word of comfort, yet our hearts were heavy. Tears welled up with in our eyes as we thought upon not only ourselves, but others who had grown to love Stephen as well, and our dear family and friends back home who would be too far away to share in these moments with us. We knew, heartbreak would reach them also.

And, yet our GOD is able...he is able to give that which man cannot...

PEACE...AT SUCH A TIME

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
And whether we be afflicted it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation. II Corinthians 1:3-7

CONSIDER THE LILIES...

2008-02-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:14-16

I can only use the scripture above to exclaim the goodness of our GOD through His dear Son. To know that we can BOLDLY come to the throne of GRACE! We need none other to intercede, but the Holy Spirit given to us who trust Him as our Lord and Saviour... we have direct access to the Father with our prayers and petitions of need. Oh, to know..that He knows me, is such a glorious thought. MY GOD...my Saviour, my helper, my comforter, my peace, my all in all.

He being touched...with the feelings of MY infirmities! Knowing the depths of my soul..how I thank Him that He has revealed Himself through His Word, that I might know Him more and more each day.

GOD who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets,
Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;
Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power; when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high...
Hebrews 1:1-3

Each day of prayer I can confidently know that God has heard me. I must then yield my self to his will and know that he will do what is best for me.

I love the song that *Bryn Riplinger* has written called: A Broken Heart.
The words perfectly describe moments in our life when we realize we need and must surrender all to him for the glorious work he desires to do in our lives. Knowing that GOD's way is best and he makes no mistake.

*Bryn has penned the very words that have been held in my heart all these years. I find great comfort in her music, that truly glorifies GOD and brings the listener to admonition of the spirit and humble thanksgiving)

Another song: My Promises Never Fail: A reminder that the flowers never cease to bloom nor the sun or moon shine. God's creation telling us...never forget.

The rainbow in the sky! Continually since the days of Noah...still exist!

Our visits to the hospital once again became frequent road trips. We as a family would hop in our van; the children singing along the way filling our hearts with happiness. How I love my family. The simple sounds of voices with praise from these young hearts taught early from birth. The love of God. Little did they know, the comfort they brought to our hearts. Such pleasant children so loved by others as well.

II Timothy 3:15 And that from a child thou has known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Some visits Stephen had not fared well at all. One time an infection had settled on his body and the nurses fought to keep it under control. Another, he required a blood transfusion in the middle of the night. Our social worker constantly kept in touch with us. She and I would have lengthy conversations and she would express to me that our lives as a family spoke a lot about our faith. The staff being impressed with our family and the behaviour of our children in a hospital setting and their apparent love for their little brother.

The children sang in his room the same sweet songs of Zion, sung on our way to visit. The nurses enjoyed the peace it brought not only to us, but those how could hear down the hallways.

Another visit...we arrived and Stephen was so peacefully sleeping, we didn't have the heart to wake him and so turned to return home after a few moments of silence with him. I felt so worthless that he didn't know I had been there. I struggled with not being able to be at his side. But, I knew he was in excellent care and above all the LORD was with him. I needed to attend to the other children and let their lives remain as normal as possible. With no family nearby and a few acquaintances, they needed the security of our presence. In their innocence they knew that Stephen was quite ill but, that he had good people watching over him and he was loved as much as they were. It was a comfort for them knowing Kathryn...a nurse.

Another token of God's goodness. A friend...a nurse, so that my children would not fear.

Madame S. met with us again and told us the Cardiologist wanted to do a catheter test and he will meet with us after the procedure results.

Consider The Lilies

Consider the lilies, they don't toil nor spin
But there's not a king with more splendor than them
Consider the sparrow, they don't plant nor sow
But they're fed by the Master
Who watches them grow

We have a heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy
And a heart full of love
He really cares when your head is bowed low
Consider the lilies and then you will know

May I introduce you
To this Friend of mine
Who hangs out the stars
And tells the sun when to shine
And kisses the flowers
Each morning with dew
But He's not too busy to care about you!

We have a heavenly Father above
With eyes full of mercy
And a heart full of love
He really cares when your head is bowed low
Consider the lilies and then you will know

This song is a favorite of my dear and closest friend who is a missionary to Papua New Guinea. When she and her husband come home on furlough, they usually sing this song and it brings tears to my eyes each time; knowing the hardships and heartaches she also has known. The GOD of all comfort brings us friends who have been partakers of His sufferings as well...and together our hearts are knit...to reach lost souls for Christ.

When I consider the lilies...or the sparrows...I know..my God cares for me.

SOWING IN TEARS...part 3

2008-02-27T21:07:00.000-08:00

The doctor allowed us to transfer Stephen ourselves. I was so thankful to have this time with him. I sat in the back of our van watching Stephen and talking to him as we traveled along.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
excerpt from journal:

"Stephen is so precious. I get mixed emotions. I forget sometimes in my desires, his condition and just want him home Reality then sets in and I am back to the present. I recall my struggle with him the few days in my care. He is so ill. I know the nurses and doctors just wanted me to have that chance at home...to be his mommy, to be a whole family. They must have known, but with my success at taking care of him in the hospital; felt perhaps, it would work out for us...for a time anyway."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we arrived at the hospital I sat in the lounge while my husband checked at the front desk. People passed by to peek in at my baby...and then realized he was not well and sighed. I felt very awkward since I still did not speak good French. I smiled and said "Bonjour".

I hoped that Stephen would do well here and the nurse's care be as tender as his previous hospital. Kathryn wouldn't be nearby to check on him so often for us, and once again we had the hours drive one way.

We settled him into his room and spent some time with him alone. When suddenly we heard wailing and a woman running down the hallway. My heart raced.

"Oh my...what just happened!"

A mother had either received bad news about her child or her child had just died. We never did know. But, it was obvious the dire distress and grief of this woman's cries. I felt so helpless as I wanted so much to run out to her and hold her in my arms and tell her about the LORD. To give her hope.

My heart broke for her, knowing by her reaction, she must not have known the LORD. She had no consolation, no peace. She threw herself against the wall and wailed loudly.

The nurse in our care closed the door and just shook her head sadly. Knowing Stephen was not well, she did not know what to expect of us. The nurse, an elderly lady spoke English and again we were able to tell someone, we were Christians and found our comfort in the LORD. She smiled, relieved.

I Thessalonians 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

SOWING IN TEARS ..part 2

2008-02-27T19:53:00.000-08:00

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered awhile, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen,settle you.
I Peter 5:10

As you read the above scripture, does it bother you? Does it make you question suffering or do you realize the purpose? It is clearly stated: to make you perfect, stablish, strengthen and settle you.

God desires your perfection in your walk of faith: your trust in his promises, in HIS WORD: in the work he desires to do in you, with you and for you. We are made perfect...by him, not of our own selves. It is his power working with in us as we yield to his will.

As the potter with the clay. He molds and works with the clay until it is becomes that desired vessel. A clay pot must have strength in order to be used. I'm reminded of a tea pot I just read about recently. The Brown Betty, it is made of a special clay and over years...the method of making has modified to what is called slip casting which gives the pot and even thickness and smooth finish inside and out and it's usefulness is making the "perfect" pot of tea. It became a "staple" of life for the British. Tea time was no longer just for high society but for every commoner.

I love this illustration as it proves once again in God's creation..his perfection. This clay for the Brown Betty is an earthen clay founded in 1695 in Stoke-on-Trent.

I happen to own one of these simple brown English teapots. I had no idea until recently it's great value. It was given to me as a gift by my husband...during this time living in Switzerland.

God is not the author of confusion and he surely has given me an understanding of his great care. I shouldn't be, but am amazed at times how things like this little teapot unknown to me then, purchased during that time...is so significant to my story this night.

"Thank you, Lord"

This reminds me also of a story I once read about the Refiners Silver.

A group of women in a Bible study group came across the verse in:

Malachi 3:3 "And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver:

The verse puzzled the women and one of the women wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

She decided to seek out a Silversmith to find an answer. She made an appointment with a refiner and did not tell him why she was coming to observe his work other than her curiosity in the process of refining silver.

As she watched the Silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot...then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.

She asked the Silversmith if it was true that he Had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined? The man answered, yes. He not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment.

Then she asked, "How do you know...when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled and answered...... "When I can see my own image reflected back to me."

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
II Corinthians 3:18

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory:
While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
II Corinthians 4:16-18

As you struggle through each day...think upon God's work in your life.

Is he trying to get your attention? Is there something in your life that is an impurity that needs to be refined? Or perhaps...he just wants you to shine brighter so that he can see his image in you.

Ponder this verse..

Proverbs 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.

Oh the wonders of God's blessed WORD and his work in the hearts of man.

If ever a time in my life was the heat felt...also was his loving kindness.

Though others may not have known the work being done in my heart...I knew...God knew...and it continues to this day.

SOWING IN TEARS....part 1

2008-02-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5

Many times in the Christian life we are called upon to suffer for the LORD.

Suffer? you might ask? ...to be partakers of his Glory: that we may know him and the power of his grace working in us.

Romans8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Heartbreak...of the LORD? Sadness...of the LORD? Loneliness...of the LORD?

Yes, if it is the work of grace in your heart or another that must be accomplished.

For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
II Corinthians 4:6

Are you willing to suffer for the sake of another souls salvation? Are you willing for yourself...to know the LORD and understanding of his ways. Suffering teaches us so much.

We learn thankfulness when all is then well. We learn the compassion of a tender heart. A more dedicated prayer life. A humbled spirit knowing our Lord Jesus himself suffered for us.

Is not the light afflictions we suffer, as nothing compared to what the LORD Jesus saved us from at Calvary!

We love him, , because he first loved us. I John 4:19

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him: and with his stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5

As I examined myself in this time with Stephen. My heart was humbled with the knowledge of God's saving grace shown and given to me upon my desire. It was there for my taking. He had already suffered for me..already paid my sin debt.

Could I not take with a loving heart of trust what he had dealt with me? As Job, could I, would I retain my integrity. As Psalm 107 repeats...

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!

And so as my journey continues in walking with trust in the LORD. He reveals his loving kindness in manifold ways. Through his wondrous WORD, through people,
through his creation surrounding me and through his Holy Spirit of comfort within.

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
I Peter 4:12-13

I met with Madame S. (our English social worker) at the hospital. We spoke with a nurse and Pediatrician. The doctor confirmed that Stephen was not well and it appears by examination and his distress that without surgery he would not live long. He was put back on oxygen support, for comfort.
He was to be transferred back to the other hospital within the week.

Kathryn came by the house that evening. We had a very good witness about the LORD once again. She cried as we shared the Lord's sufferings and how unworthy we are to partake of all his goodness..and yet he so lovingly calls us over and over again to repent of our sins and to take of his forgiveness.

In my prayers for her that night I pleaded for her soul to respond. Oh, if she were to get saved! What joy I would have...and what comfort it would give my heart. How my grief would be assuaged.

The LORD was indeed working upon this dear ones heart.

Would she accept? or will she as so many who hear the call but do not respond, go on with their lives of rejection.

Oh, how I pleaded in my prayers for her with tears.

JUST CALL ME....Mommy

2008-02-25T20:08:00.000-08:00

I will cry unto God most high: unto God that performeth all things for me.
Psalm 57:2

Not only were we expecting the social worker..but our dear friends Anne-Marie and Jack were coming for dinner. I wanted them to come and quickly. We needed help with our decision concerning Stephen. His continued distress troubled me and I felt my own weakness' causing guilt.

"Is it my weakness, LORD, or does Stephen need the care of the nurses?...am I failing my son!"

Later that afternoon while Anne-Marie and I visited, the social worker Madame H. also came to visit. I was so thankful to have both of them with me...ladies I could confide in and trust their judgment of my dilemma.

At this time also...my neighbor who didn't speak English stopped by for tea! I didn't know how to tell her that I was busy and so gestured for her to come in. It just so happened that the visitors I already had were fluent in French.

"Thank you, Lord!"

While we discussed Stephen's condition as I was feeding him....once again with great force his feeding spewed out. They quickly helped me...and we soon had Stephen calm and resting. One helped clean-up, one cradled Stephen while I prepared his clean clothing and another spoke gently to the other children.

I was heartbroken.

Always surrounded by nurses...I just wanted to be...his mommy. The past few days I held him close, I rocked him, I sang to him. I did all the things I wanted as a mother with my child in the privacy of my own little world.

"Why? is this happening? Is it something I am doing wrong?"

These ladies consoled and gave me such comfort with their caring hearts and wisdom. They too agreed, Stephen did not look well and to check with the doctor the next day.

I was so thankful for that perfect timing once again. Not just one lady to help me, but three: a dear Christian friend who prayerfully in her heart could seek God in giving me an answer, a social worker who could access the situation in the family needs of each individual and then a common neighbor who's compassion showed in her deep concern.

The fellowship of dear Christian friends brought us true joy at such a needed time. The rest of the evening brought peace with enjoyment of their company and time with our children.

That evening, late... well after another feeding; Stephen became very distressed and crying. I couldn't get him quiet and I was too afraid to pick him up for fear he would vomit again. His color was not good and scared us. We called Claudine (mid-night) and she came over to watch the children for us while we transported Stephen to the hospital. I'll never forget the look on her face. I know her heart felt our fear.

As I sat in the back of our van cradling Stephen in my arms, crying and praying. My dear husband spoke words of comfort, reminding me of God's grace and care shown to us. He reassured me that I did the best I could and that Stephen knew this too.

I remembered the "Angels Chorus Sang".

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9

As we entered the hospital, I immediately felt relief. I knew he was in the best of care. The nurses hugged me and they also reassured me that it was alright. Stephen needed to be there; he did not look well.

The ride home was a very sad time for us. My arms were empty of my son once again.

The next morning the first social worker I spoke with Madame S. (whom I had the wonderful opportunity of a witness) called to tell us, the Cardiologist wants to observe Stephen for a few days back at the other hospital. She will visit with me soon.

"Lord, is this another open door? it must be... Oh LORD, let us be yielded to thy will and our prayers heard as we seek to show your love to others"

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God: and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God towared us, because that God sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
I John 4:7-11

HOME AT LAST ...part 2

2008-02-21T18:38:00.000-08:00

Our second day home was very trying to both my spirit and my flesh.

As a christian it is vital to keep the LORD forefront in our hearts and minds, lest the flesh get the best of us. Prayer...our fellowship with God and our strength renewed. His WORD, our very necessary food...spiritual nourishment.

I Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

As the above verse states: this is no different situation than other mother's have faced..common to so many, yet as a Christian, there is a difference. I can seek His face and know that he is GOD and that he allows certain times in our lives for a purpose. To prove us, to use us, to mold us.

Is there a way for me to escape....to bear it....

PRAYER. TRUST. FAITH.

I wanted so desperately to run to God's arms...fears had compassed me about. I was so exhausted. I did not realize how much stress I had put on myself..requiring my own perfection!I wanted each of my children to feel loved. I did not want to neglect my husband...and I did not want to fail, Stephen.

My husband had been up early with three of the children getting them off to school, while I took care of the babies. Our youngest daughter...so sweet, just followed me around watching. Every now and then I'd stoop down to give her a little hug of assurance. Her daddy would spend time with her and little Charlie reading stories in the living room, so that I could focus on Stephen.

This was the day, the tubing needed to be changed. I dreaded this day coming. No nurses around to aid me. My confidence was waning. I gently pulled the tubing out before giving him a bath. His mouth was always very dry due to the tubing and so it was necessary to swab his mouth continually and also keep his skin soft with lotion.

I hated the medical smell of the lotion prescribed for his skin...I wanted so much to put "baby" lotion on him and soak in that sweet baby smell so familiar to mothers.

Often, in my fleshly mind...I would feel cheated...and then I would call to remembrance my witness with Kathryn. That precious soul responding to the call of salvation. Each day spent with her was confirmation of God's work in her life and in ours.

(...that ye may be able to bear it)

"Yes, Lord...I do want to be used for your honor and glory. Oh, how I want so much for Kathryn and others to have the salvation we know !"

I put the tube in half way and at the same time Stephen became very distressed and his skin color changed to a grayish blue, I gently, but quickly pulled it back out.

Fear had gripped my soul.

I tried again, but Stephen kept choking and became very agitated.

"Oh dear, LORD.....I'm so afraid!!" "How...am I going to do this, again and again and again!!"

I managed to reinsert the tube, but the agitation made him very tired and he quickly went to sleep... while I went to the other room...and cried.

My husband reassured me and said next time he would stand nearby if I needed help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The time had come...my own weakness settled in...

I prayed:

"Oh, Lord..what is in store for me? I know that you love me LORD, I know you are with me...I'm scared...but I do have hope. I know you are with me.
Oh, how I pray for these dear souls that have come my way. Oh, LORD..if Stephen's life is this witness of your grace...oh, please help me to know what to do"

Watching Stephen even for just this day, caused me great concern. He just didn't look well. Maybe it was just my inner fears.

I'll try again until Friday and if Stephen is too distressed and his appearance not well, he'd be better in the care of the nurses.

The next day, I finally found a moments peace and managed to have a quiet time all my own. The elder children in school, my husband took the youngest two with him shopping and Stephen was sleeping.

Another social worker who was to check on our progress was due to visit. A very nice lady, but of commanding stature. I was anxious for this visit so that she could help me evaluate Stephen's condition. I want what is best for my baby and knew I must set aside my desires for him to be home with us as a family, if his needs are greater than I can provide.

Such a heart wrenching decision...to let go...to have him return when we waited so long for this time together.

As I sat next to his crib, stroking his forehead as he loved...I'd talk to him and the LORD at the same time.

"Stephen, surely God has placed you in our lives to strengthen our faith. We prayed to be used for his Glory...and he gave us your precious presence to cherish and watch his mighty hand. How Kathryn and others have come to love you as well....

Lord, let our lives bring forth your light...oh, may it shine through us...through our precious son."

HOME AT LAST....part 1

2008-02-21T09:57:00.000-08:00

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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Have you ever experienced a time in your life that you felt so feeble and without strength to accomplish a needful and tedious task? One that would affect a part of your life forever!This is how overwhelmed I was in the beginning of my training with the nurses to insert Stephen's feeding tube. I could not imagine myself being able to accomplish such task, yet it was so vital for me to do. I knew that failure would grieve my heart for life. I needed strength beyond my measure.

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Isaiah 40:28-29
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The day was finally here. Stephen is coming home!

Claudine watched the other children, while my husband and I drove to the hospital. It seemed strange to be going to the hospital to bring our baby home, as if we were new parents. Months had passed...he was now six months old...and yet, to us, we were welcoming home our new baby...and a baby brother. Now, as a family, we could enjoy the memorable moments of babies cooing and cuddling. Singing lullabys and watching them grow.

As we gathered up Stephen's few belongings...his prized mobile hanging over his crib, his little home-made teddy bear and a few items for his immediate care, we were set to go home. A nurse escorted us to the entrance where our van was parked and gave us a hug goodbye. As I began to step into the back to be with Stephen, I took one last look up at the window of his room and there stood a solem looking nurse. I knew by her countenance, that she must have had tears in her eyes. She sweetly smiled and gave a faint wave of goodbye.

Another moment...touching my heart...another moment of hope, that this nurse was touched by our lives and would see the LORD's care for us. Oh, how I wanted our life to manifest his grace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we drove up the moutain side, both my husband and I had mixed emotions. Our family finally will be whole, but also within, the fear of not being able to be the parents we needed to be to our now six precious children. Both of us, wanted to have quality time with them. To love them all and not let Stephen's condition dominate over a normal life for all of us.

"Is this possible?...yes, together we will all strive for it to be so."

Claudine brought the children home when we arrived and lovingly they all wanted to see and hug their little brother. Little voices of glee and aww. This was their first time to hold him alone and feel his presence as part of a family. I carefully placed him in each lap for just a moment and each placed a light kiss upon his forehead.

Our first day went as well as we had hoped. Little Charlie cried a lot. I'm sure he felt the gap in his usual attentive care that was now being shared with his twin brother. My heart felt heavy, knowing I had to give much needed care to Stephen and also make sure Charlie didn't feel neglected.The other children played quietly as they knew they needed this first day of homecoming for both Stephen and myself.

Such wonderful children!

So reponsive to the needs at hand without whining or demands.

"Oh, how I love them!!"

How thankful I was for the training we had instilled in them: kindness being a virtue even in small children: quietness in time of need and sharing.

The first evening was a bit trying. We settled the children for bed with their usual Bible story, then Claudine and her husband joined us for coffee. As I held Stephen feeding him through the tube, suddenly all that I had fed him spued out with great force. My heart sunk. His coloring turned bluish and my heartbeat raced. Everyone jumped up to help and console. We took Stephen to his room and tried to calm him. The anxiety of myself and the comotion had scared him. Charlie began to wail and so we found it necesary to put Charlie's crib in our room so that Stephen could rest quietly once he calmed.

I went to bed late, but Stephen slept well. I awoke for his five o'clock feeding. I was so tired, I wondered how I was going to manage, already feeling drained. I felt such pressure not to fail. My neighbors waiting and watching, the nurses.

My husband was my greatest help and comforter. Lovingly helping in any way possible.

Truly blessed. My family...the joy of my heart. My husband....my greatest, friend.

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9

BE OF GOOD COURAGE....part 5

2008-02-18T18:50:00.000-08:00

Another day inserting the feeding tube. This day was the most trying of all.I inserted the feeding tube and it came out his mouth. I was so discouraged. This made me all the more fearful...of myself!

The nurses reassured me that I will do fine, just a minor setback..they have them too.

"Dear God, please give me strength!"

Stephen is scheduled to come home in 3 days...

My husband had taken time off of work so we could all be home and adjust. The children were so anxious to have their other little brother home. My eldest daughter, just 6 years old, was so helpful with little Charlie. She loved to hold him.

They too have visited the hospital and understood Stephen's condition.

"Stephen won't be able to crawl around like Charlie and bounce on your knees; he will need special care at home just like at the hospital."

We couldn't wait until we could all sit around as a family and laugh together, read stories and sing. Our family time is so precious to us. They are such sweet children!I am so thankful for their tender hearts, kind and loving.

Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

We prepared the "baby room" with two little cribs and all the necessary items needed for Stephen's special care..boxes full.

I must continue to draw strength from the LORD and not succumb to my own fears. The battles of this flesh can be so wearisome. Truly mankind, needs GOD. Truly in the depths of one's soul...they know...they know without him...there is not understanding nor peace.

Each day I see the LORD, a little more closely...a little less of self and more of HIM.

When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.Psalm 63:5-8

PSALM 36:5-7

2008-02-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

Thy mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.
Thy righteousness is like the great mountains; thy judgments are a great deep: O LORD, thou preservest man and beast.
How excellent is thy loving kindness, O GOD! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings. Psalm 36:5-7

Often when my husband was gone on business trips and the children were quietly playing; I'd view from my living room window:

This glorious mountain...Mt. BLANC

Known in French as White Mountain, the highest peak in the Alps and in Western Europe.

I somehow found solace in looking at this magnificant creation of God. I remember thinking:

"LORD, there has to be a Bible verse for this mountain. It is so glorious..as you are...it speaks to my heart of your majesty."

I then took my Bible and looked up verses on mountain...and there is was...Psalm 36:6

"I knew it!....I just knew there was a verse!"

I was so elated....it was a confirmation to my spirit of the hope and courage I still had within. I cried.

A perfect view...perfect place to be...at such a time! God knew I would need to be in this house, right here, so that I could behold his wonders and know HE IS GOD.

Mt. Blanc requires it's climbers to have a guide and proper equipment. It's long course includes delicate passages and hazardous rock slides. At least one night at the "refuge" is needed to survive.

This was true of my tedious climb up the mountain of hope. A long course with delicate passages...(my course in learning to insert Stephen's tube, nurses...my guide)...the hazardous slides (my own fears and weakness')...the night of "refuge"...(finding this mountain verse in God's Word).

Oh the comfort of God's blessed hand...under the shadow of thy wings.

After finding this verse; each glance at my window brought blessed peace to my heart and mind.

(this picture hangs in my home as a reminder of God's great love and majesty)

Psalm 34:3 O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.

A NOTE OF THANKS

2008-02-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

Just a brief post to THANK YOU...those who come to visit. Not everyone leaves a comment, but I know you have been here and it encourages me as you allow me to share my story. I know there are hundreds of stories...similar to mine.

I hope that you will continue to visit as you read the unfolding of God's wonderous graces and His PERFECT PLAN. Tears well up in my eyes when I recall this most trying time, yet most blessed...in my walk with my Lord.

God bless you with a cup of refreshing.

BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 4

2008-02-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

Today was a very scary day. Stephen turned blue while choking as I inserted the tube. I think he sensed I was nervous today with three nurses and a new one I did not know.

Every day, I wonder what God's will is for us...where this is leading...

How I manage, will truly be by the grace of God.

ANOTHER DAY...

The nurse had me insert the tube totally on my own from the beginning to end. I did okay, but while feeding him he spit up quite a bit. The nurse told me that yesterday had not been a good day for him. When he spit up it had shot across the room. Quite a violent reaction to his feeding.

I fear now...

Am I capable of taking care of him...with no nurses beside me!

"Oh, Lord...I want to trust you...but I am so afraid. How long will this go on? Maybe, once he gets home...everything will settle down and he will adjust and not need the feeding tube for long."

Psalm 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

I recieved a wonderful letter from my OB doctor back home.

"How thoughtful of him to take time out of his busy schedule to think of...me!"

A friend of mine had told him about my delivery and Stephen's present condition.

I remember getting the doctor's okay to leave for Switzerland...seven months pregnant with twins! He knew better than to question my trust in the LORD as I had witnessed to him already through two of my other children's births. Now, I am able to write back and tell him once again how GOD has cared for all my needs.

"Thank you, Lord...for another encouraging moment of hope!"

I Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

I do love the LORD and I know my life is his. He not only has prepared Heaven for me..but so much more that I cannot even comprehend. His love is endless.....

WHY? every person on earth is not saved...I cannot understand.

GOD...GOD of creation...all the evidence surrounding us that he exist. Who made the eye that it can SEE! Oh the wonders of it all...color, light...the ability to READ words and understand it! The nervous system..the heart...

Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

He which hath begun a good work...

2008-02-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

I was encouraged in this verse in my youth as a new Christian. Learning: that when we trust the LORD as our personal Savior...it does indeed become PERSONAL. A work had begun in my new life in Christ.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new crature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Moment by moment, day by day, year by year...people, places and events...working in my life....GOD's desires.

Phillipians 2:13For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

As I yield each moment, day and year to the LORD...I ALLOW this perfect work to be done.

Romans 6:16 Know ye not that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?

I've chosen...to yield...my life to the LORD JESUS. To let him have his way with me. For surely as he has created me..he knows me.

Isaiah 29:16Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteeemd as the potter's clay: for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding?

I find great comfort in knowing God has prepared a way for me.

Isaiah 55:8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are highter than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

It is good for me to read the Bible..and know GOD. To read the words, HE has chosen...not man...

II Timothy 3:16aAll scripture is given by inspiration of God....Revelation 21:5...Write: for these words are true and faithful.Proverbs 30:5Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.

As I seek him, I find him and understanding of HIS ways.

Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the LORD with all thine hert; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I am strengthened in my walk with him as I yield and know his way with me is perfect. In trials..

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.James 1:3-4...

Wanting nothing?....do I want to escape this trial? or let GOD work in me what he choses? Perhaps, he is doing more than I can imagine...it is in faith..faith that pleases GOD..to wait on him..and let him.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory:While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:17

I must remember this. Time passes quickly...yea,in a moment the years pass!

(let me note here...that it has been 26 years since this trial and GOD has always been at my side..he has never left me comfortless...and HIS WORD is my treasure!

Psalm 119:49-50 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.

BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 3

2008-02-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

(I am alone and my husband is gone on a business trip for a week)

Today is the fourth session of inserting the feeding tube.

Fear gripped my heart when Stephen began to choke; I had so feared the tube going the wrong way and into his lungs. But, this lasted just a moment and he was fine. After we settled down from his feeding...I sat in the chair beside his crib stroking his forehead as he calmly went to sleep.

"How long he is going to live, LORD? Will I be able to handle his needs along with those of the other children? I must trust you, LORD. I must keep your word in my heart continually, knowing you are with me."

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm chpt. 19 verse 14

Kathryn stopped by to tell me the Pediatrician said that we can take Stephen home whenever we feel comfortable taking care of him.

I am so happy....yet so fearful.

TWO DAYS LATER...My grandpa died today and my heart grieves not being able to be with my family. Growing up without my father; grandpa was an important part of my life. I can see all our memories passing before my eyes and touching my heart.

It hurts so much!

I've never had anyone close to me die! It especially sorrows my heart not knowing if he had ever trusted Christ as his Saviour. So often I had tried to tell him about the LORD's saving grace and merciful kindness. A kind, but tough man...he didn't need GOD.

Tears flood my soul at the anquishing thoughts of a dying lost man. How I hope he trusted Christ as the dying thief. Repenting moments from death...to hear the blessed Son of God say:

"...To day shalt thou be with me in paradise." St. Luke chpt. 23 verse 43

verse 39-43 And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him saying, If thou be the Christ, save thyself and us.
But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation?
And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds:
but this man hath done nothing amiss.
And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.
And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day....

And I spoke with my mother:

"Please mom, read in the Bible I John chapter 5. All my strength comes from the LORD and even alone at this time...he will help me. I'll be okay."

Sorrowful, yet rejoicing...because I myself have the LORD. How thankful to know Him, His word and His comfort. Today, is another day of spiritual growth in the LORD. Understanding life and death, it's reality...and the great hope of Eternal Life found in the LORD JESUS CHRIST.

BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 2

2008-02-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. AMEN. Ephesians Chpt. 3 verse 20-21

Another day...another weakness in my flesh...but strength in the Spirit.

As the above verse states. HE is able to do above all that we ask or think. And so, my prayer to God continued: asking him to help me in my weakness; those times, when my heart ached, my stomach was in knots and fears compassed me.

How I thanked God for sending Kathryn to befriend me... A NURSE...oh of all people!

The very person who's words encouraged me.

"Oh,(Hope) you can do it again... You did much better than some students I've watched...GOD did indeed help you didn't he!"

The nurses warned me before I proceeded for the second time: that the tube can be inserted incorrectly and enter his lung, causing him breathing problems and his coloring turn black. (this had happened already with the nurses). It overwhelmed me hearing this. I couldn't let the nurses know that my heart at that moment: literally ached. They had to tell me. They had to inform me of every little thing that could and would go wrong.

"I must do it again...poor little guy...he needs to be home."

The nurse brought in a stroller so I could take Stephen for a walk around the hospital grounds. It would be our first time...all alone.

One of the nurses walked with me to the elevator and then to the front entrance. I thanked her and then...Stephen and I...together... took our walk in the sunshine of a beautiful fall day.

As I walked... I spoke with Stephen telling him how much we loved him, about his brothers and sisters and what it would be like to be home. I also spoke with the LORD. Thanking him for all he had already done for me. The comfort his word brings to my heart. I thanked him for giving us his word so that we can have assurance and know him.

I began to recall in my thoughts the years prior and how GOD had strengthened me then and shown his will.

In 1979 my first son was born with jaundice and I remember how helpless I felt. I didn't know at the time, how common this condition is: especially in boys. Because he was allowed to go home and released from the newborn nursery; when his test result numbers were to high, he had to be readmitted to a regular hospital room. I had to stay with him and watch him while he was under a special lighted isolet. Oh, the trauma for me then; seeing my new baby having to have special care.. his eyes had to be covered with little patches and the nurses would come in to prick his tiny feet. I cried. But, he would be fine and go home in a couple of days.

Then this same son at six months old developed a virus with a vey high fever and was admitted to the hospital. The doctor had him put into a crib with an oxygen tent and said that we would first try antibiotics and if his fever did not go down, he'd do a spinal tap. I tried to calm my son the best I could and soon he fell asleep. The nurses checked on him often and since I was to be there overnight in his room; I made myself comfortable in a recliner provided and began to read my Bible.

After being settled in...I overheard a doctor talking to the patient on the other side of the separating curtain. An elderly lady who was being told how to give herself injections for diabetes. I could hear the fear in her voice as she asked him questions. The doctor sounded very clinical. I felt so sorry for her. When the doctor left, I peeked around and asked if I could speak with her. She smiled and obliged, so I took my Bible and began to encourage her in the LORD and read some scriptures. I then left my Bible with her for the night. The next morning her son came in and after visiting with his mother, asked to speak with me... he said:

"I want to thank you for talking with my Mother last night. You helped her so much! She has been up all night reading the Bible and found so much comfort that now, she says she has the courage to do the injections by herself. Thank you so much!"

She was being released to go home and before leaving thanked me and returned my Bible. Just a short while later, my doctor came in for his routine stop and informed me that my son's fever was gone: the meds worked and he could go home today!

PRAISE THE LORD!!

THAT is why I was here....for that sweet little lady! What comfort came to my heart, knowing it was all part of GOD's plan.

Now the God of all peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. AMEN. Hebrews Chpt.13 verses 20-21

As I recalled this...I could now plainly see, how GOD so graciously had prepared me for the present. A little strengthening here and there: the purpose shown and a blessing in the end.

Stephen and I had walked the perimeter of the hospital and now back to the entrance, I took him upstairs and prepared myself for the next lesson. I bathed him and inserted the tube as the nurses watched over...

and all was well...once again.

AS AN ANGELS CHORUS SANG

2008-02-06T19:49:00.000-08:00

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Oh how I prayed for strength to accomplish this task for Stephen. I had the courage..but how to perform it, that would take strength. Fears encompassed my heart.

EXCERPT from my journal:

The LORD ever so faithful, lifted my weary soul and strengthened me. I prayed for strength.

Today, I inserted the feeding tube. The nurses were amazed at my ablity. They had fears, that I being his mom.. would find it too difficult emotionally to perform.

Stephen was so calm; as if angels had hovered over us and sang a heavenly chorus. Never had he been so calm: normally he would have been squirming around and agitated.

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It was a very pleasant time and I was able to tell the nurses in my own sort of way...it was GOD who helped me. They were so happy for me that one by one they each gave me a hug of congratulations.

I imagined later the songs sung...

There is a place of comfort sweet, Near to the heart of God, A place where we our Savior meet, Near to the heart of God.

O Jesus blest redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us who wait before thee, Near to the heart of God.

and perhaps this one:

All creatures of our God and King, Lift up your voice and with us sing..
Alleluia, Alleluia..O praise him, O praise him...Alleluia

In a letter to a friend back home..I wrote these words:

I see Stephen as the LORD's vessel of honor right before my eyes, watching GOD using him for our witness. What joy it brings my heart!

In my own thoughts:

Has not God proven in the years that I have been saved: his loving kindness, his provisions, and his grace. Truly, each day the truth is more evident. How glad I am to be a partaker of his divine grace.

Oh how I pray that one day, I might lead a soul to the Saviour. That they might know the joy of his salvation, the free pardon of sin and peace that passeth all understanding."

BE OF GOOD COURAGE...part 1

2008-02-05T23:14:00.000-08:00

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

The doctors decided now that Stephen was five months old and required minimal care, it was time to try and send him home. The small hospital had limited space as well.

One of the doctor's asked to speak with me and suggested I learn the tube feeding so that Stephen could go home and be with us as a family. The nurses had tried unsuccessfully feeding him solid foods. His swallowing was impaired and so the tube feedings would have to continue to be his means of nourishment for the time being.

NOTE: the doctors and nurses did not expect Stephen to live this long.

My thoughts once again raced and my heart as much...

"me?...I'm not a nurse!....and what if I can't!...OH! LORD!...I have to so I can bring Stephen HOME."

With the encouragement of the staff; I'd come a couple days a week to learn the procedures. Feeding and bathing.

The first few weeks I observed the daily routine. I watched the gentle care and precise details of every move they made.

At this same time...We received a much needed and timely letter from our Pastor back home. Encouraging words...

"The LORD has given you much to do, that he may reward you in the future. So many fail with little responsibility. Praise the LORD for those who remain strong and receive the grace God desires to bestow upon us who will let him."

My husband was my greatest supporter. He knew that it was something only I could do; something I needed to do ...as Stephen's mother. He helped me as much as he could even with the weighted responsibilities on his job. He often had to make trips away from home. I know these were stressful times, leaving us alone. But, we both understood our callings in our service to God as a family.

Mine...the wonderful "ministry" of MOTHERHOOD. A noble and honorable calling. Oh how,I love my children, they have never been a "burden" to me. I noted in my journal...

"My husband and I share a special love for our children and the joy of both of us being Christians with the same desires...to nurture them in the admonition of the LORD GOD. They truly must be the sweetest children on earth."

Little Charlie..Stephen's twin brother (not indentical)...was a chubby healthy baby with deep set brown eyes and a sweet smile. Everyone that came to visit held him and gave extra love knowing the absence of his twin. Claudine loved to babysit him when she was able.

Now...we needed to prepare for Stephen to join him in the same room. We were already blessed with the needed "twin" clothing and only had to purchase another crib.

Is it possible?...that finally...we will have TWINS! at home with us.

A crash course in Nursing 101... Clinical was about to begin....

...AND FAMILY.

2008-02-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

The days were passing well for Stephen. He was sustaining his own with minimal oxygen. Much to the surprise of the doctors and nurses. He'd watch his mobile with plastic farm animals dangling in a circular motion to music, cooing with contentment. (to this day... I still have the music box of the mobile and have played it for all my grandchildren).

I even found time to sew him a little denim teddy bear. My own pattern, with a red bow tied around his neck. The nurses were touched by my little "homemade" gift. It made me feel good for them to see that I did take the "time" for him even though my visits weren't as often as we wanted or maybe as they expected!The nurses assured me that he loved his little bear and mobile.

Happy days brought sunshine to the days that had been shadowed with sadness. Stephen's contentment and our Christian fellowship in the new church we attended, and the news of a planned visit from our mothers.

We were so anxious for their arrival...cleaning and making things special for their visit. The children colored banners of "Welcome" to put up on the garage door for viewing as they entered our roadway.

Upon their arrival there were hugs and tears of joy. A full two weeks of FAMILY!

My mother and I went to visit Stephen together and took photos of us each holding him. Knowing the distance from the hospital was a dilema for us, she was encouraged to help in a Ronald McDonald house upon her return home. I didn't know about these places in the U.S. that help parents/family with loved ones hospital bound. Living quarters close to the hospital, often right across the street, free of charge to families who must travel a good distance to be with their loved one.

We also rode the train one day to the city....another a car ride through the villages...and a walk to the local dairy many times for cheese and fresh milk. They loved getting to visit first hand the real life of a Swiss village and meet Claudine and her family.

The weekend before they left we took a wonderful journey to Zermat the village near the foot of "The Matterhorn". Zermat is known as the village without cars, with only access by shuttle-train. My husband and his mother took the ski lift to The Matterhorn, while my mother and I stayed with the children and enjoyed the shops and scenery and just being together. The fresh mountain air and beautiful flowers adorning everything in sight enveloped my thoughts with pure pleasure and thankfulness. It was truly a comforting moment.......of rest.

II Samuel 22.34 He maketh my feet like hinds feet: and setteth me upon my high places.

FRIENDS and FELLOWSHIP

2008-01-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

My husband had been inquiring about churches and we finally found an English speaking church...an hour from our home. We had visited a few Swiss churches, but found it quite difficult to understand even though we were slowly learning French. We met a few families that did speak English and enjoyed their fellowship from time to time.

How happy we were to finaly find some Christian fellowship. The church we decided to attend wasn't a huge church...people from many countries. Switzerland with it's central European location brought in a lot of foreign workers and diplomats. An older British couple befriended us...dear Jack and Anne-Marie. They invited us to dinner often knowing how long our drive was and they loved our children.

As we got to know them...they got to know us...and our present situation in life. A very caring couple. Sometimes when my husband was called into work on Sunday, Jack would drive the distance to pick up the children and I and then drive us all the way back if my husband did not get off work in time to pick us up at their house. Such kindness touched me deeply.

It seemed as though the LORD had placed this loving couple in our midst to fill that void of our family that we missed so much. Anne-Marie always had special treats for the children and each time we left, they walked us to the car and then stood in the drive waving good-bye.

Philippians chpt. 2 verses 1-2
If there be any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

...CLOSER TO HOME...part 2

2008-01-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

Since the nurses were not expecting Stephen to live long.Each visit I made was monitored by a nurses presence. I thought this was hospital procedure since he was in a children's unit.

I found it very difficult to be the nurturing mother I wanted to be... It's not easy to be yourself with a microscope over you. I let the nurses guide me on each visit. He was fed with a tube from his nose to his stomach and occasionally the nurse helped me feed him by putting milk into a large shot-syringe that fit the tubing. I was very careful to do it slowly so that he would not vomit the milk back up. Which did happen a few times...gripping my heart. It was necessary to do this feeding very patiently.

I tried my best to convey with the language barrier once again...my faith in the LORD and my desire to trust in him for each day of this journey. I could see the compassion in the eyes of the nurses and evident was the attachment they had for my son as well.

One nurse that came on duty was an English speaking, Canadian! I was so happy to be able to witness to her a little and let her convey to the other nurses my appreciation for their care. These few moments of speaking about the LORD, brought me much needed comfort. I was continually encouraged with these opportunities... and once again reminded of his purpose...to do a good work in us and through us.

My husband stopped by the hospital on his way home from work as often as possible, for a short visit. He was able to spend time alone with Stephen and softly stroke his forehead. He also, called upon the LORD during these visits...asking for needed strength...wisdom of words...and resting upon the promises found in God's Word.

Art work by:
my son..
calligraphy by Hope.

A Special Child

2008-01-29T20:29:00.000-08:00

...this is a portion of a sweet poem my sister sent me during this time...

He may not run or laugh or play.
His thoughts may seem quite far away.
In many ways he won't adapt.
And he'll be known as handicapped.

Please Lord, find the parents who will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play.
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

...CLOSER TO HOME....

2008-01-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

Because Stephen was doing well with minimal oxygen he was moved back to the hospital where he was born...closer to home.

Kathyrn was at this hospital also and she assured me that she would visit him as often as she was able. It was still difficult for me to make frequent visits since we owned only one vehicle and the other children needed care. What a comfort her presence there meant to me...God brought this young woman also into MY life.

Over the next few months Kathyrn grew to truly love my son as she visited and held him in her own arms. A special bond was forming in not only our friendship but in the witness of the LORD all around her. She watched us with the other children surrounding his crib and enjoying our time as a Christian family.

Now two months old, I did not know that the doctors had sent him back to this hospital expecting him to die at any time.

A Social Worker had been assigned to us and when I met her...a pleasant American woman; I wondered what dealings we would have with her? She and I went to the cafeteria to chat over coffee. Small talk at first.Do I like the hospital and the care Stephen is receiving? Is there anything I need help in understanding? ...then came the words that she sincerely wanted to use to console me...

"You know, Stephen is a very special child"
(speaking in reference to his Down's Syndrome)

"Oh yes, he is very special...because he has never known sin."

"It is so wonderful to know the innocence of a child."

and once again...I was able to share MY TESTIMONY! What joy filled my heart. This moment I knew was of God. He had put this woman in my presence so that I might once again have this blessed opportunity...to share the Gospel...exactly why my husband and I came to Switzerland!

Philippians 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

In the midst of this trial...blessings flooded my heart. Assurance that GOD was using us, using this time in our life for His Glory. To manifest who He is! The God of true salvation.

A "Hummel" in overalls...

2008-01-23T20:07:00.000-08:00

cApril 28th

Today, we spoke with a Cardiologist concerning Stephen's heart condition. He said, that once surgery is performed it would require additional surgeries. He would like to try and slowly wean Stephen off the oxygen he is receiving and see if he can thrive on his own....with a heavy heart these words swirled around in my head...

Surgeries?...weaned off oxygen?...how will he do?"

My heart ached as I thought upon his course of life.

"Will he have quality playtime with his brothers and sisters?"

Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Weeks passed and Stephen seemed to do well with the minimal help of oxygen. He was holding his own!

On a visit a few weeks later, my husband and I were shocked at the sight of our son. He had changed dramatically; the lack of oxygen he still suffered was causing fluid retention. Yet he looked so precious to us...now a pudgy little boy. As I gazed upon his precious face, I envisioned a little "Hummel" figurine before my eyes. My grandmother had a collection of these German made figurines and I always admired them. Their round faces with rosy cheeks and sweet smiles. Here was one, in person.

The hospital provided clothing for Stephen. I don't know why, perhaps for sanitary reasons. I appreciated so much the "normal" clothing provided instead of a generic hospital gown. This day, Stephen was dressed in cute overalls.

Each visit my heart was warmed with his precious life. I spoke with the LORD in the quiet moments of my visits alone with Stephen and pondered my Bible readings.

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said to you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. St. John chpt. 14:26-27

...REALITY... part 2

2008-01-17T19:11:00.001-08:00

Kathryn came often up to the village to check on me and offered to take me to visit Stephen. During the drive both there and back we discussed why I was living in Switzerland. I told her that we yielded our lives to God's service and that a door had opened with this job opportunity and it was our desire to share our faith in the LORD and the truth found in the scriptures concerning him. I believed that she was one of these whom God had chosen for us to meet. She was surprised that God would do this...send people like us, just for her? She was very receptive and began to understand as she thought upon my hospital stay and our talks while I was admitted under her care.

Each time she came to visit, the LORD manifested his love to her and ours as well. We became good friends. She told me some time later...that she only intended to visit me a few times because she felt sorry for me living in a foreign country with the language barrier and no family present, but that God had been working in her heart and she knew our sincerity towards her was real.

We began to do a study together in the book of Romans. This gave me a wonderful opportunity to share with her my testimony of salvation. It was in this very book of the Bible that I found true salvation.

Since the chapter title here is Reality...it is only fitting to post My Testimony as well. It was a point of Reality that helped me understand my dilemma of sin and also my putting off a vital decision in life. This is what I shared with Kathryn.

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MY TESTIMONY

I was raised in "religion" and had no peace, no assurance of heaven, no place to take my fears. Did memorized prayer help? no. As I child, it troubled me greatly when someone died...

"Where did they go?

I was so moved by the death of a young woman posted in the paper that I cut out her photo and prayed for her. I was also exposed to many people dying...in grade school several of my classmates siblings died...one at birth, one a drowning, one hung accidentally, one in an auto accident, another elder schoolmate died from a health problem and yet another young man committed suicide. I was deeply troubled over this, but, with most people...time went on and I became immune to the affects it once had on me. As I matured I also stopped going to church. There was nothing in this church worth going to...a weekly ritual that did nothing for me. A formality from my youth.

As I approached the age of 19 the LORD in his perfect timing desired at this time...to give me the true Gospel of his Son...the LORD JESUS CHRIST...found in the scriptures.

The LORD brought a young man along my way...a Bible Believing Christian. I say this since I knew many church going people up to this point..but none who impressed me as he did.

Let me explain: Another issue in my life was a lack of trust in people. To often I had been heartbroken...over many different reasons. When I met this young man via some elderly friends coxing the meeting...I was leery. I went ahead and obliged to a "date" that turned out to be my first exposure to the TRUTH of Bible Scripture. This young man's first conversation with me...was his testimony of faith in the LORD. I was awe struck with his sincerity and taking the time to read the Bible he had with him! This was not an ordinary "date"..this was special. He showed me the sincerity of his care for my soul. I listened...and we dated again..and I listened...dated again..and I listened....the Bible being read and faith explained. Yes, he took me to the book of Romans chapter 5. I remember distinctly being amazed at the truths I was reading and had longed for to know...YET...I did nothing with it.

A few months passed and I was in an automobile accident. Very strange circumstances that would make for a long story. (maybe this part will be in my book..Lord willing).
I should have died in this accident, but by the mercies of God, I did not, nor was I even injured. However, I realized that night, I could have died in my sins. I knew the Bible verses in:

John chapter 8 verse 24... I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.

I had "heard" of Jesus Christ...but it never became so very personal...to truly believe who HE is...The SON of GOD as MY Saviour.

I John chpt 1 verse 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

REALITY came to me that moment realizing that I had unconfessed sins in my heart...

James chapter4 verse 17 says: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

.. and though I had read the Bible and listened, I had done nothing with this knowledge. I then began to recall the many talks I had with this young man concerning faith in the LORD Jesus. His death on the cross of Calvary..for me.

Romans chapter 5 verses 12, 17-19 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

(this one man being Adam)

For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.

Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.
For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

Verses 7-11 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for good man some would even dare to die.
But GOD commendeth his love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we now have received the atonement.

Romans chpt. 5 verse 1 -2 became my favorite verses.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

This night of my accident, I became a Born Again Christian. I knew that my life no longer was my own... I had been bought with a price...the precious blood of the Lord Jesus.

I determined in my heart that night to live for him. The peace that flooded my soul can only be explained by this saving faith. I now had the assurances that I desired and I knew heaven was to be mine one day.

After this day, I began to read my Bible and attend a church that I knew preached and taught the Bible. And as the scriptures promise...he giveth understanding unto the simple and I began to grow in understanding of God's Word. How wonderful to know God and who he is and why he performs as he does in the lives of mankind.

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...and so my testimony explained... WHY? ...giving hope to others is so vital and worth some of the sacrifices people make. She asked me...

"Do you really believe God sent you here...for me?"

" Yes, Kathryn, I do."