Monday, February 11, 2008


(I am alone and my husband is gone on a business trip for a week)

Today is the fourth session of inserting the feeding tube.

Fear gripped my heart when Stephen began to choke; I had so feared the tube going the wrong way and into his lungs. But, this lasted just a moment and he was fine. After we settled down from his feeding...I sat in the chair beside his crib stroking his forehead as he calmly went to sleep.

"How long he is going to live, LORD? Will I be able to handle his needs along with those of the other children? I must trust you, LORD. I must keep your word in my heart continually, knowing you are with me."

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm chpt. 19 verse 14

Kathryn stopped by to tell me the Pediatrician said that we can take Stephen home whenever we feel comfortable taking care of him.

I am so happy....yet so fearful.

...My grandpa died today and my heart grieves not being able to be with my family. Growing up without my father; grandpa was an important part of my life. I can see all our memories passing before my eyes and touching my heart.

It hurts so much!

I've never had anyone close to me die! It especially sorrows my heart not knowing if he had ever trusted Christ as his Saviour. So often I had tried to tell him about the LORD's saving grace and merciful kindness. A kind, but tough man...he didn't need GOD.

Tears flood my soul at the anquishing thoughts of a dying lost man. How I hope he trusted Christ as the dying thief. Repenting moments from hear the blessed Son of God say:

"...To day shalt thou be with me in paradise." St. Luke chpt. 23 verse 43

verse 39-43 And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him saying, If thou be the Christ, save thyself and us.
But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation?
And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds:
but this man hath done nothing amiss.
And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.
And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day....

And I spoke with my mother:

"Please mom, read in the Bible I John chapter 5. All my strength comes from the LORD and even alone at this time...he will help me. I'll be okay."

Sorrowful, yet rejoicing...because I myself have the LORD. How thankful to know Him, His word and His comfort. Today, is another day of spiritual growth in the LORD. Understanding life and death, it's reality...and the great hope of Eternal Life found in the LORD JESUS CHRIST.


Pam--in Jerusalem said...

The Lord is such a comforting refuge in times such as these! I'm glad that you always ran to him.

HOPE said...

It is truly at our Father's throne that we find the greatest help!
Just like that song I posted...

From every stormy wind that blows...there is a calm, of sure retreat...


HOPE said...

Thank you Din for leaving your comment with song.

Heather said...

Oh beneath the Mercy seat...what a wonderful picture. Reading this just wrenched my heart..I can't imagine the pain you must have felt.

HOPE said...

Heather, these are all a part of life...I've learned over the years that all these emotions and even physical pains are the aspects of life endured and suffered down through the ages...and the testimony of GOD with us as we go  through them, manifest who he truly is...Our Rock and Fortress...there are times we think we will not make it and then we seek his face and strength comes. At times I am overwhelmed knowing HIS mine to behold and take.
Thank you for visiting sweet friend!

Jennifer said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog, I have enjoyed reading yours:) Hope you have a blessed weekend!! God Bless