As the children and I began this day’s journey…my heart raced with anticipation.
Helen said she would have her husband take care of details in reaching my husband with the news for me.
"What do I expect? How will I react? How will the children respond?
As I drove out of my driveway, the morning was just coming to light but with fog.
“Oh, dear LORD…I can’t even see….the roads are windy ahead…PLEASE LORD…HELP ME!!!”
I drove slowly..praying all the way. I asked the children to sit quietly so I could concentrate on the road. Always obedient and so sweet..they complied. My eldest, though still so young at age 7 watched over baby Charlie for me.
As I entered into the next village…I noticed the tail lights of a vehicle. I knew you were not suppose to follow tail lights of another vehicle in fog...but I would not make it down that mountain’s windy road without a guide. All I could see was the faint red dots in front of me…I hoped and prayed they did not leave my sight.
Arriving closer to the town the sky began to clear and with relief I was where I was suppose to be! This entire time...I did not see nor hear another vehicle on the road.
THANK YOU LORD…again.<
The road was now familiar.. to Helen’s. She greeted us at the door and made the children comfortable. She said that her husband was unable to reach my husband because he was already in flight to come home. They would meet him at the airport upon arrival.
I held my composure and did fine until Kathryn came to the door. As she entered and hugged me the tears trickled down as I tried my best to remain strong for my children.
Though the hospital was right next door we still drove since it was so early in the morning. I was numb as we approached the hospital. I knew I would have difficulty communicating and I wanted so much even at this present time to Glorify the LORD. To let them know HE was with me. Kathryn, thankfully an English nurse is with me.
As we walked to the entrance of the children’s ward I braced myself.
"Dear God!!! Help me!"
The doctor walked us to Stephen’s room … I went in alone at first and there...
There…I found my son lying very still on his crib with the sides down surrounded by real flowers. He was in my favorite orange sleeper.
My heart broke. The sight I cannot put into words…it was the flowers of all things that put finality to it all. The nurses so kindly had placed a little group of flowers at his feet and at his head and a few petals scattered around him.
I didn’t like the sight…
…but I knew this was a kindness from them to show their condolences.
The doctor came in and stood on the other side of the crib. I felt very uncomfortable as I had so many times in the past with them watching me. I didn’t feel I could fully express my sorrow at that time. I held it in as I touched his lifeless body. I placed my hand upon his arms and for a brief moment, thought he had moved and lifted his hand…I told Kathryn and she nodded … no.
I then said to her…
“How can people not get saved Kathryn...he is not here…he IS with the LORD! He IS in Heaven! It is so evident…the life is gone..But he is still alive in the presence of my dear Saviour!!!"
Psalm 66:8-9 O bless our God, ye people, and make the voice of his praise to be heard;
Which holdeth our soul in life, and suffereth not our feet to be moved.
For the first time in my life...I saw death right before me. The very thing I feared and did not understand up until my salvation. My confidence in the Lord was there…my peace…the Peace that passeth ALL understanding!
I wanted to pick Stephen up, but again…I was afraid I would do something I shouldn’t and for some reason I didn’t even ask. Kathryn and I stood there for a while and then we walked out. I didn’t know what to do…we walked a few steps and I turned to look at his door…
“Do you want to go back in?”
“I don’t know, I wish I had held him… but, no I can’t right now”
I did not know what to do..I was numb, but yet I had peace in my heart and not overwhelmed with the sorrow of those with no hope, no assurance. More than ever, I was at God’s mercy, thanking him for my salvation…
Oh had I not known the Grace of God!
The nurses came around the desk and gave hugs and sweet smiles. That is all I remember before leaving. They told us we could come back whenever we wanted ..that they would have him in a special room for viewing.
I don’t remember much after this….I then found myself back at my home in the village. I’m sure Kathryn must have followed me back to make sure I’d be okay as I waited for my husband’s return. I was left then home alone with the children.
My husband upon arrival to the airport was greeted by Helen’s husband who broke the news to him. He had a container full of money that my husband's coworkers had collected to help us with some expenses.
Then as he arrived to the office he was greeted by a secretary…dear Claire with tears in her eyes reached out with flowers in her hand, and seeking words of comfort.
Claire was the secretary who was so helpful to us upon our initial arrival to Switzerland. She set up appointments and went with us the day we took our first journey up to the village we settled in.
My husband was also numb…he felt relief though that this trial had ended. He also knew the peace of the perfect work God had done and was doing in many hearts..Especially that of Kathryn. He was a testimony himself to Claire and to Helen’s husband.
A time when a man who does not know the LORD as his Saviour, would succumb to grief. He too held his composure. He told me later, he knew in his heart that I was okay. peace, knowing GOD had already helped me so many times…he would not fail this most needful time of all.
A portion of a song by Bryn Riplinger:
My Promises Never Fail
Have the flowers ever failed to bloom?
Has the sun ceased to shine at noon?
Is there a sparrow that’s fallen down
Without my hearing the sound?
My child if I care for these
I’ll surely care for thee
I know when the storms assail
And my promises never fail
….Oh let me ne’er forget
That God will never fail me
For he has never failed me yet.
As my husband arrived home…we hugged tightly and silently knew what each other was feeling.
Claudine knocked on the door and welcomed my husband home and expressed her sorrow. She offered to help us in any way she could. This brought on my flow of tears….her kindness extended once more, was overwhelming to me.
God had brought these people into our lives.