The weeks and months passed…. Stephen’s life yet so fresh in our hearts , not his death. The LIFE he lived and all that GOD accomplished.
Charlie began taking his first steps and trying to talk to his brother and sisters. They all rallied around to get him to say “sissy” . My eldest daughter loved playing the “little” mama” always helping with the baby.
Time had been so consumed with Stephen’s condition and keeping up on our day by day activities, that it was hard to believe Charlie was approaching his first birthday.
I dreamed one night that Stephen was born perfectly normal. I saw two babies lying together..twins. In anticipation of their birth date, the birth was very much on my mind. It was bittersweet. My heart yearned for Stephen’s presence and yet I could still rejoice in the good that God performed in Kathryn’s life.
The flower bulbs I had planted began to come up. A lovely variety…my favorite besides the Daffodil is Dahlia’s., the colors so vibrant.
The children and I picked a handful to place on Stephen’s grave. We did this often…and the village people …watched.
One late afternoon my husband and I took another fresh bouquet to the grave site and standing near Stephen’s grave was the lady who’s son had died when we first arrived in the village. Stephen was buried next to him. Her overwhelming grief was still so evident as she silently wept. We acknowledged her presence with a compassionate smile and ourselves knelt by Stephen’s grave and prayed. We hoped that she could sense the peace of our prayers and comfort we had at that moment.
Psalm 42:1-5 As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.
My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why are thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.
Many nights I cried, but my grief was nothing as this woman still displayed? When the tears came I recalled verses like these. Scripture that state the hope of the believer whose confidence is in God and remembering his manifold works shown to man and I remember my GOD is present.
One particular morning I am reminded once again of my great need of GOD…
Certain days in the village a Baker comes by and parks his station wagon alongside the road and the village people purchase fresh baked goods. My eldest daughter did this for me each week before going on to class just down the road.
Our house was adjacent to the area the Baker parked, so it was just an ear shot away.
As I was preparing breakfast for the other children and waiting for my daughter; I suddenly heard the SCREECH of tires. My kitchen window was ajar and my heart pounded as I ran as fast as I could out the door, losing my shoes on the way.
PANIC ran through my veins…my legs ached and my heart….FEARED.
I could hear whimpering….was it my daughter? OH GOD…is it my daughter…WHO?
As I approached the crowd…indeed it was MY daughter. Everyone around me chattered in voices I could not understand. It was surreal to hear so many voices and yet not hear one word. A woman led me through the crowd. I could see that my daughter was alright as they were lifting her to her feet from the road. They looked her over as I ran to hug her. As I held her in my arms, I noticed a drop of blood on my hand.
“OH GOD…Oh my baby…HELP ME LORD”
I could only think this…I was speechless…there was no one to understand me!
Only eyes…many eyes looking on…..
One of her fellow students saw her getting bread and yelled to her that she better hurry and so she ran out into the road not looking first as she had always done previously.
One of my neighbors had run over to my house and kept the children. How thankful I was in all the confusion of the moment.
Then…out of nowhere…a lady from the next village came by. She was on her way to work and had to stop with the road blocked.
This lady… Madame S. …I knew. My daughter had played at her home in the village next to ours many times.
She spoke perfect ENGLISH and she was sent of the LORD.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
She offered to take us to the ER…the same hospital of Stephen. We’d have to be dropped off at the front since she had to go to work. There were no familiar faces in the ER, but they were very kind as I filled out paper work with the help of one that spoke English.
FEAR…oh the torments of FEAR. We all experience it.
Would I let it overtake me now? After all that God had done for me thus far…and oh, the token of his love in sending this lady at just the right time!
A nurse said that because there was a little blood and a bump on her head they would do x-rays.
Did I see any blood come from her nose?
A head injury? …. “No, no blood.”
I sat patiently waiting …a lone… a lone with GOD. Praying and recalling his mercies and his will.
Can I accept his will again? Could tragedy have struck our home?
Psalm 119:49 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.
While I was waiting… a call came in saying that my neighbor’s husband was coming to take us home. Evidently Madame S. had called to find me help. The gentleman was the father of one of the girls my daughter’s played with daily.
They brought my daughter out to me…and said everything was fine. She would have a headache and keep a watchful eye on her for a few days.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
The LORD was teaching me, yet again…CONFIDENCE..TRUST…HOPE.
I needed this…I needed to know that just because I lost one child, did not mean I was going to lose them all.
Fear has a way of gripping our lives…day by day…fear of the unknown…and fear that those things we dread would come again.
Perhaps even in reading this story..you fear that this might happen to you?
Dear Reader…find the LORD. Seek him as hid treasure and cherish his Word. Know that the LORD GOD loves you and desires only the best for you. In confidence there is hope and assurance, that GOD does all things well.
This time in my life...the birth and death of my son...taught me the value of faith and the precious treasure of his blessed WORD. The WORD of God found in a King James Bible...comforts like none other.
Faith comes by obedience and faithfulness in his WORD. To know God and understand His ways..bring peace.
This we must accept..believe...and trust.
Years of growth in my walk with the LORD has enabled me to comprehend some of his works now and in the past. I can now share this story with you as he has revealed it is the time. His will in our lives as he brings things to pass, show us he works perfectly. Trials do not destroy faith...they strengthen it. Yielding to Him…is the secret to peace overcoming fear. To know Him..and understand Him, comes from his WORD.
The book of Proverbs..is the book of wisdom and understanding. A wealth of scripture to guide us and show us the way to walk with the LORD.
Proverbs 2:1-5 My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee;
So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thin heart to understanding; Yea if thou criest after knowledge and liftest up thy voice for understanding; if thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.
The book of Psalms…is the book of Praise and Prayers and answers from God to those who call upon him.
David so aptly put it in
Psalm 121:1-2 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD which made heaven and earth.
Psalm m 120:1 In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me.
I truly believe that GOD allowed this accident of my daughters at that time to show me his compassionate care. I did not need to walk in fear..but in remembrance of his blessed will and loving care. Just like before.
The man involved in the accident with my daughter…came by and brought her a new backpack. They said the old one…torn from her fall…saved her life. The best we could…we told him…
C'est le Seigneur...It is the LORD…. HE saved her life.
The gentleman was relieved that we did not blame him, nor were we angry.
It was a testimony once again of God’s greatness and peace to those who put their trust in him.
He smiled and thanked us over and over again.
As Isaiah 41:10 says… Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Matthew 10: 31-32 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
Whosoever, therefore shall confess me before men, him will I also confess before my Father which is in heaven.
Dear Reader…. Please take comfort and courage in knowing we have a great and mighty God. He knows you and he knows me. He has given us every provision to trust in him…to believe who he is and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.
Many fear because of the unknown….but when we know the LORD Jesus Christ as our personal Saviour; We KNOW him..the GOD of all glory. We KNOW him…the GOD of all creation and we KNOW his WORD is true and his promises sure.
As difficult as it may seem….we can trust him and we can rest in his care, promises and always…his perfect will.
I John 4:18-19 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
We love him, because he first loved us.
For GOD so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son… John 3:16 a
His love is perfect….and in this love, fear can and is cast out…when we trust in Him and know he is GOD.
Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God.
A Hymn: His Way with Thee
Would you live for Jesus and be always pure and good?
Would you walk with Him within the narrow road?
Would you have Him bear your burden, carry all your load?
Let Him have his way with thee..
His pow’r can make you what you ought to be, His blood can cleanse your heart and make you free, His love can fill your soul, and you will see…
‘Twas best for Him to have His way with thee.
Cyrus S. Nusbaum 1861-1937