As I thought upon the title for this chapter, I recalled another favorite song of mine. Many old hymns were written by people who's lives were touched with such thanksgiving that it inspired a song expressing God's care in a fiery trial.
Moment by Moment written in the 1800's.
Never a trial that He is not there
Never a burden that he doth not bear;
Never a sorrow that He doth not share-
Moment by moment, I'm under his care.
CHORUS:
Moment by moment, I'm kept in his love
Moment by moment, I've life from above
Looking to Jesus til glory doth shine
Moment by moment, O Lord, I am thine.
Never a heartache and never a groan,
Never a teardrop and never a moan,
Never a danger but there on the throne
Moment by moment, He thinks of his own.
CHORUS:
Moment by moment, I'm kept in his love
Moment by moment, I've life from above
Looking to Jesus til glory doth shine
Moment by moment, O Lord, I am thine.
Never a weakness that He doth not feel,
Never a sickness that He cannot heal,
Moment by moment in woe or in weal,
Jesus my Savior, abides with me still.
The words to this particular song could have been penned by me; as the words express the very essence of the following portion of my story.I would now have to literally take each day...Moment by Moment.
Madame S. called to tell us that Stephen had been accepted back to his birthing hospital. The one place... where Kathryn worked, the one closer in distance to us, the one with nurses who...LOVED my son.
Can I find words to express my heartfelt thankfulness? Can I find the means by which I can give back to GOD all that he has done for me? yea, only my heart...my love and my total trust. THIS would please my God.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him, for he that cometh to God must believe that his is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
This answer to prayer...was also the reality of our final journey with our sweet son, Stephen. It will be here that his last days will pass...moment by moment.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A CONTINUAL WITNESS...
Again I met with Madame S., since Stephen's condition is terminal the hospital wanted us to find another place for him as we "wait".
The nurses had cared so well for him where he is, will anyone else care so tenderly for my child as these nurses had?
I knew it was impossible for myself to be his 24/7 nurse with my other 5 children needing me as well.
My prayer.. "Oh, LORD, please help us find the care he needs with those who will love him as we do"...
Madame S. had been attending meetings and checking around, we had an appointment to visit a home for Epileptic children. When we arrived, I was dismayed with the sight of so many needy children. My throat tightened taking my breath and my eyes once again filled...almost to overflowing. As we inquired the head nurse informed us that there was no space available for us.
NO SPACE?? My child was going to fill a space?
Oh once again I felt that horrible surge of anger over the world's outlook on handicap children. I know she didn't mean for it to sound this way..my emotions and my sensitivity to MY child's need over road any sense of "Professionalism" as they in this field are required. I had to learn to appreciate the "world of Professionalism" and except it. Knowing they deal with people day in and day out.
I have faith. I must exercise it. I must trust the LORD and remember HE knows my needs and HE will guide my way. REMEMBER...his promises...REMEMBER...all he has already done for me.
Psalm 111:3-5 His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth for ever. He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion. He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.
Madame S. checked around...NO SPACE.
She will inquire at the hospital Stephen was born in...the one Kathryn worked at! This is not a hospital for terminally ill patients..but maybe..just maybe they will take Stephen?
Kathryn continued to visit and encourage us in the "nursing" field and the care that he will receive...wherever it is...will be good. It was comforting hearing this from her..a nurse..and a friend.
Our witness with her continued as well...each visit more Bible...more questions...more tears.
Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse. Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Romans 2:19-21
Madame S. also ....another word of our faith. I gave her a gift of appreciation for all her help and also a Gospel tract. Why a tract? after all our conversations?...a reminder...in writing that God's word is always available...the message is never gone and she can always have it with her. Perhaps she will read it and then tuck it away in her purse or in a book and find it again...read it again.
* I am a person who hands out tracts. I heard testimony once of a woman who was given a tract. She did indeed tuck it away. Years! later...she found it..and read it, she remembered that someone cared enough....and one day she trusted Christ as her Saviour!!
The nurses had cared so well for him where he is, will anyone else care so tenderly for my child as these nurses had?
I knew it was impossible for myself to be his 24/7 nurse with my other 5 children needing me as well.
My prayer.. "Oh, LORD, please help us find the care he needs with those who will love him as we do"...
Madame S. had been attending meetings and checking around, we had an appointment to visit a home for Epileptic children. When we arrived, I was dismayed with the sight of so many needy children. My throat tightened taking my breath and my eyes once again filled...almost to overflowing. As we inquired the head nurse informed us that there was no space available for us.
NO SPACE?? My child was going to fill a space?
Oh once again I felt that horrible surge of anger over the world's outlook on handicap children. I know she didn't mean for it to sound this way..my emotions and my sensitivity to MY child's need over road any sense of "Professionalism" as they in this field are required. I had to learn to appreciate the "world of Professionalism" and except it. Knowing they deal with people day in and day out.
I have faith. I must exercise it. I must trust the LORD and remember HE knows my needs and HE will guide my way. REMEMBER...his promises...REMEMBER...all he has already done for me.
Psalm 111:3-5 His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth for ever. He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion. He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.
Madame S. checked around...NO SPACE.
She will inquire at the hospital Stephen was born in...the one Kathryn worked at! This is not a hospital for terminally ill patients..but maybe..just maybe they will take Stephen?
Kathryn continued to visit and encourage us in the "nursing" field and the care that he will receive...wherever it is...will be good. It was comforting hearing this from her..a nurse..and a friend.
Our witness with her continued as well...each visit more Bible...more questions...more tears.
Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse. Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Romans 2:19-21
Madame S. also ....another word of our faith. I gave her a gift of appreciation for all her help and also a Gospel tract. Why a tract? after all our conversations?...a reminder...in writing that God's word is always available...the message is never gone and she can always have it with her. Perhaps she will read it and then tuck it away in her purse or in a book and find it again...read it again.
* I am a person who hands out tracts. I heard testimony once of a woman who was given a tract. She did indeed tuck it away. Years! later...she found it..and read it, she remembered that someone cared enough....and one day she trusted Christ as her Saviour!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
COMFORT OF HOPE...part 3
I titled this chapter COMFORT OF HOPE..because that is exactly what it is..COMFORTing to know that we can have hope in the LORD; in his work and his will.
To rest upon his promises...the innumerable promises found in his Word.
As I read the scriptures I find the treasures of GOD.
Treasure: Wealth, riches stored: highly prized: cherished: for future use.
Imagine that this treasure is given us...for use as we need! riches to enhance our lives to fulfillment, highly prized as the BEST and absolutely CHERISHED.
There have been times in my life that I have actually held my BIBLE to my breast and with awe have hugged it, as it is HIM.
St. John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
So much thankfulness overflows in my heart for the promises that have been mine and more that are mine!
One cannot know the power nor the treasure of His Word without knowing him..the LORD. Just as a letter comes to you from one you do not know..can you comprehend the depths of their words? A total stranger? NO. But, know the person in a very personal way and YES, their words can reach to the depths of your heart and you can understand, yea, even the simplest words.
Does... I LOVE YOU...mean anything from a STRANGER... you'd ask WHY are YOU saying this to ME? I don't know you!
Know the person well and the heart of the individual and...I LOVE YOU...could transform your heart ..give you such JOY....such happiness of belonging. Three simple words.
...God is love. I John 4:8b
And so...as the days pass with my son's condition and knowing we have numbered days, we rest in this love of GOD. We trust and we wait upon his appointed time.
The days, many weary. Some days Stephen's congestion is so bad that a therapist is needed and shows me how to massage his back to loosen phlegm. His hearing is now only 50%. Other days he needs morphine to rest his body.
One visit as I held, him a nurse came into minister the meds. He immediately slumped in my arms..renewing my mind to the fact of this very grave time. His impending death. I held him closely, my eyes full...my husbands arms reached around my shoulder and his eyes were full too.
It was only November....will it be this month? Will it be next month? Before his first birthday?...that is April.
What do you do at such a time? You pray, you hold the hand of your loved one, you have thankfulness in your heart to those who have helped you: family, friends, hospital staff. You cherish the letters, the calls. You humble your heart and mind to the frailty of man and know GOD. You put "self" aside and HIM first. You talk to GOD...every moment of the day, and he hears.
You look and see....the work he is doing and you rejoice. It overcomes the sorrow and fears. You know GOD is with you...his presence is known.
Behold, we count them happy with endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the LORD; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
James 5:11
Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
For that, ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.
James 4:14-15
To rest upon his promises...the innumerable promises found in his Word.
As I read the scriptures I find the treasures of GOD.
Treasure: Wealth, riches stored: highly prized: cherished: for future use.
Imagine that this treasure is given us...for use as we need! riches to enhance our lives to fulfillment, highly prized as the BEST and absolutely CHERISHED.
There have been times in my life that I have actually held my BIBLE to my breast and with awe have hugged it, as it is HIM.
St. John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
So much thankfulness overflows in my heart for the promises that have been mine and more that are mine!
One cannot know the power nor the treasure of His Word without knowing him..the LORD. Just as a letter comes to you from one you do not know..can you comprehend the depths of their words? A total stranger? NO. But, know the person in a very personal way and YES, their words can reach to the depths of your heart and you can understand, yea, even the simplest words.
Does... I LOVE YOU...mean anything from a STRANGER... you'd ask WHY are YOU saying this to ME? I don't know you!
Know the person well and the heart of the individual and...I LOVE YOU...could transform your heart ..give you such JOY....such happiness of belonging. Three simple words.
...God is love. I John 4:8b
And so...as the days pass with my son's condition and knowing we have numbered days, we rest in this love of GOD. We trust and we wait upon his appointed time.
The days, many weary. Some days Stephen's congestion is so bad that a therapist is needed and shows me how to massage his back to loosen phlegm. His hearing is now only 50%. Other days he needs morphine to rest his body.
One visit as I held, him a nurse came into minister the meds. He immediately slumped in my arms..renewing my mind to the fact of this very grave time. His impending death. I held him closely, my eyes full...my husbands arms reached around my shoulder and his eyes were full too.
It was only November....will it be this month? Will it be next month? Before his first birthday?...that is April.
What do you do at such a time? You pray, you hold the hand of your loved one, you have thankfulness in your heart to those who have helped you: family, friends, hospital staff. You cherish the letters, the calls. You humble your heart and mind to the frailty of man and know GOD. You put "self" aside and HIM first. You talk to GOD...every moment of the day, and he hears.
You look and see....the work he is doing and you rejoice. It overcomes the sorrow and fears. You know GOD is with you...his presence is known.
Behold, we count them happy with endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the LORD; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
James 5:11
Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
For that, ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.
James 4:14-15
Thursday, March 6, 2008
COMFORT OF HOPE...part 2
Calling home was a difficult task...giving sad news about a grandchild to our parents. My mom held Stephen, she felt it the deepest and with my grandfather passing away... her heart was saddened. She lost her father...and I her daughter, am going to lose a son. So far away..what can she do?
"I will have to comfort her with the many miles separating us, I will have to reassure her of my help and strength in the LORD.
I will have to ..... I will"
Yes, me...I must be the comforter, yet I am the one afflicted. How is this so?
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15
My own heart and spirit moaned at the grief many felt for us, especially those who did not know the LORD Jesus Christ as their own Saviour and know as I did ...the great comfort of his presence.
I grieved for them. No hope. No assurance of eternal life. No rest.
I know God's expected end...PEACE.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
WHY? do people suffer? Why do we sorrow?
As you search the scriptures and seek the LORD...you will understand.
John 5:39 says: Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.
For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.
Psalms 48:14
Just as the woman in the hospital who ran down the hall screaming. My heart longed to reach out to her...I felt the grief in her voice. I wept with her..within.
Why are we like this? Because God put it in us...his heart of love and compassion.
But, man...in his own choices of life...the free will of man...has sinned and sinned and ignored the way God left for us...man has ignored His Word he left for us...man has chosen his own way and thus sin abounds and love and compassion begin to wane. Cain in the first act of rebellion shows his lack of love due to his sinful, selfishness. Yet, how many people down through the ages do show the sacrificial love of GOD in their hearts. How many risk their lives to save others from hurt.
Can we not comprehend the love of God in sending his own Son to die for our sins so that we can live! Can't we grasp in our own hearts...the pain he suffered and the agony of sins ruin upon mankind and yet he was the remedy that man rejects! It should smite your heart to know you have rejected this LOVE...this COMPASSION.
Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Why do we give comfort or feel grief and compassion for others when we ourselves are suffering...because it is within us.
Beloved let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
Here in is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love on another. I John 4:7-11
...and so when we go through trials; such as at this time... for the love of others, for their salvation and the hope of eternal life... for them we suffer tribulations and seek to bring comfort to their hearts more than our own.
Some suffering..is to show the work of GOD in our hearts.
Maybe..it will awaken your heart to compassion...maybe it will renew a heart of thankfulness...and maybe it will open the understanding of the lost...that they can know God and his comfort of peace.
"I will have to comfort her with the many miles separating us, I will have to reassure her of my help and strength in the LORD.
I will have to ..... I will"
Yes, me...I must be the comforter, yet I am the one afflicted. How is this so?
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15
My own heart and spirit moaned at the grief many felt for us, especially those who did not know the LORD Jesus Christ as their own Saviour and know as I did ...the great comfort of his presence.
I grieved for them. No hope. No assurance of eternal life. No rest.
I know God's expected end...PEACE.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
WHY? do people suffer? Why do we sorrow?
As you search the scriptures and seek the LORD...you will understand.
John 5:39 says: Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.
For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.
Psalms 48:14
Just as the woman in the hospital who ran down the hall screaming. My heart longed to reach out to her...I felt the grief in her voice. I wept with her..within.
Why are we like this? Because God put it in us...his heart of love and compassion.
But, man...in his own choices of life...the free will of man...has sinned and sinned and ignored the way God left for us...man has ignored His Word he left for us...man has chosen his own way and thus sin abounds and love and compassion begin to wane. Cain in the first act of rebellion shows his lack of love due to his sinful, selfishness. Yet, how many people down through the ages do show the sacrificial love of GOD in their hearts. How many risk their lives to save others from hurt.
Can we not comprehend the love of God in sending his own Son to die for our sins so that we can live! Can't we grasp in our own hearts...the pain he suffered and the agony of sins ruin upon mankind and yet he was the remedy that man rejects! It should smite your heart to know you have rejected this LOVE...this COMPASSION.
Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Why do we give comfort or feel grief and compassion for others when we ourselves are suffering...because it is within us.
Beloved let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
Here in is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love on another. I John 4:7-11
...and so when we go through trials; such as at this time... for the love of others, for their salvation and the hope of eternal life... for them we suffer tribulations and seek to bring comfort to their hearts more than our own.
Some suffering..is to show the work of GOD in our hearts.
Maybe..it will awaken your heart to compassion...maybe it will renew a heart of thankfulness...and maybe it will open the understanding of the lost...that they can know God and his comfort of peace.
Monday, March 3, 2008
COMFORT OF HOPE....part 1
For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3:25
YEARS EARLIER~
My husband was in the military when we first married and during our first year at our assigned duty station; I had met several women who had difficulties in their pregnancies:
One woman delivered a still born child, another miscarried several times. Upon the news of expecting my own first child, I was filled with fear. Each day I wondered if the baby I was carrying was okay. The least little thing that didn't seem right...to me...I was alerted. But, all was well and I delivered a precious healthy little girl.Then came my next child...fear again gripped my heart. In this pregnancy, I did almost miscarry...but again...all went well after some rest and I delivered a sweet baby girl. Subsequently, I delivered then my first son and yet another sweet girl.
All healthy and full of life.
When I became pregnant with my 5th pregnancy, I was extremely ill. A friend joked with me about twins.
Me?...twins?...wouldn't that be something!
Upon the presentation of my ultrasound screen... the doctor asked me...
"What do you see there little lady?"
"...TWO!...oh, my..is that TWO?"
"Yes it is! you have two little babies in there!"
and so the phone was busy for quite a long time...telling everyone our exciting news. Boys?....Girls? they didn't tell us back then! what to expect and since my previous children were healthy, there was no reason to think these would not be as well. All my fears were gone.
Names? we always wanted to name one of our boys after our dear friend Charlie and my husband liked the name Stephen so those would be the boys. Girls? I think we just planned on boys (actually I had prayed for two boys)...I don't even recall the names we had chosen for girls though I am sure we had some in reserve.
My 5th pregnancy and Stephen becomes my 5th born.
This number 5 becomes noteworthy as time goes on.
My pregnancy went fine with some medications for occasional nausea. When the time came for moving to Switzerland, I was seven months along and the doctor gave the okay for traveling.
Adventure lie ahead...moving to Europe. An answer to our prayers to go there to share our faith.
I recall the verse in Hebrews on faith, written in the scrapbook made by our church family.
By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went.By faith he sojourned in the land of promise as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
Hebrews 11:8-10
The chapter on the Hero's of Faith. People who took God at his Word, believed him and rested upon it.
Oh, if I could just do that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARRIVAL FOR THE MEETING
Madame S. met us in the lobby of the hospital and escorted us to the office of the Cardiologist who examined our son; she requested to stay with us for the meeting. The doctor was a very kind and gentle man, tall and of commanding stature. His countenance spoke well of his professionalism as well as his character as an individual.
He spoke humbly, as he described the condition of Stephen's heart as well as his overall well being. Stephen is not well. He lacks the abilities of most children, even Down's children in his functions to thrive and grow.
He told us that he stopped playing GOD, many years past. He had situations where the parents begged him to keep their child alive and he tried; only to find out in the event of death, the blame that he would have to bare for their accusations of his failures. He would not live this ever again.
He very kindly explained Stephen's condition by drawing us diagrams and explaining why this was inoperable and that he probably would not live to his first birthday.
Such sorrowful news for a doctor to deliver to parents. He knew we had other children we loved dearly and you could see that his heart was broken telling us about Stephen. As we listened, my husband and I held hands. It is amazing, the peace...the peace that passeth all understanding...that can come at the moment of great need. We both looked at each other and knew...we knew...this was of the LORD. It was all a part of his work in us and through us. We began, both of us, to share our faith in the LORD with this doctor. The relief upon his face cannot be measured by words. He thanked us.
I knew in my heart all along the inevitable...I had prepared my own heart and spirit to receive these words...often I'd ask myself...
"Will I be able to raise a handicap child as he needs with four other children to take care of?... Will I be able to face the death of one of my children?..Oh, LORD...What is in store for me?"
Madame S. walked with us down to the lobby where she asked to speak with us privately. She then began to talk about preparations for the future. Did we know what to expect? Do we have any questions? She will check into our insurance for us.
We then, once again...spoke of God's grace and his help in time of need. We spoke of God's will in the lives of those who know him personally as their Saviour. We spoke of our family and how blessed we were with the children he had given us and that Stephen was a special part of God's creation and plan. We except his plan and know that God does all things well. Madame S. with tears in her eyes...told us we had consoled her and yet she was suppose to console us! The nurses needed to hear what she heard. She later told us as she had relayed to the staff our words to her, how greatly they appreciated our courage and out look of hope. It helped them.
A word of comfort, yet our hearts were heavy. Tears welled up with in our eyes as we thought upon not only ourselves, but others who had grown to love Stephen as well, and our dear family and friends back home who would be too far away to share in these moments with us. We knew, heartbreak would reach them also.
And, yet our GOD is able...he is able to give that which man cannot...
PEACE...AT SUCH A TIME
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
And whether we be afflicted it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation. II Corinthians 1:3-7
YEARS EARLIER~
My husband was in the military when we first married and during our first year at our assigned duty station; I had met several women who had difficulties in their pregnancies:
One woman delivered a still born child, another miscarried several times. Upon the news of expecting my own first child, I was filled with fear. Each day I wondered if the baby I was carrying was okay. The least little thing that didn't seem right...to me...I was alerted. But, all was well and I delivered a precious healthy little girl.Then came my next child...fear again gripped my heart. In this pregnancy, I did almost miscarry...but again...all went well after some rest and I delivered a sweet baby girl. Subsequently, I delivered then my first son and yet another sweet girl.
All healthy and full of life.
When I became pregnant with my 5th pregnancy, I was extremely ill. A friend joked with me about twins.
Me?...twins?...wouldn't that be something!
Upon the presentation of my ultrasound screen... the doctor asked me...
"What do you see there little lady?"
"...TWO!...oh, my..is that TWO?"
"Yes it is! you have two little babies in there!"
and so the phone was busy for quite a long time...telling everyone our exciting news. Boys?....Girls? they didn't tell us back then! what to expect and since my previous children were healthy, there was no reason to think these would not be as well. All my fears were gone.
Names? we always wanted to name one of our boys after our dear friend Charlie and my husband liked the name Stephen so those would be the boys. Girls? I think we just planned on boys (actually I had prayed for two boys)...I don't even recall the names we had chosen for girls though I am sure we had some in reserve.
My 5th pregnancy and Stephen becomes my 5th born.
This number 5 becomes noteworthy as time goes on.
My pregnancy went fine with some medications for occasional nausea. When the time came for moving to Switzerland, I was seven months along and the doctor gave the okay for traveling.
Adventure lie ahead...moving to Europe. An answer to our prayers to go there to share our faith.
I recall the verse in Hebrews on faith, written in the scrapbook made by our church family.
By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went.By faith he sojourned in the land of promise as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
Hebrews 11:8-10
The chapter on the Hero's of Faith. People who took God at his Word, believed him and rested upon it.
Oh, if I could just do that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARRIVAL FOR THE MEETING
Madame S. met us in the lobby of the hospital and escorted us to the office of the Cardiologist who examined our son; she requested to stay with us for the meeting. The doctor was a very kind and gentle man, tall and of commanding stature. His countenance spoke well of his professionalism as well as his character as an individual.
He spoke humbly, as he described the condition of Stephen's heart as well as his overall well being. Stephen is not well. He lacks the abilities of most children, even Down's children in his functions to thrive and grow.
He told us that he stopped playing GOD, many years past. He had situations where the parents begged him to keep their child alive and he tried; only to find out in the event of death, the blame that he would have to bare for their accusations of his failures. He would not live this ever again.
He very kindly explained Stephen's condition by drawing us diagrams and explaining why this was inoperable and that he probably would not live to his first birthday.
Such sorrowful news for a doctor to deliver to parents. He knew we had other children we loved dearly and you could see that his heart was broken telling us about Stephen. As we listened, my husband and I held hands. It is amazing, the peace...the peace that passeth all understanding...that can come at the moment of great need. We both looked at each other and knew...we knew...this was of the LORD. It was all a part of his work in us and through us. We began, both of us, to share our faith in the LORD with this doctor. The relief upon his face cannot be measured by words. He thanked us.
I knew in my heart all along the inevitable...I had prepared my own heart and spirit to receive these words...often I'd ask myself...
"Will I be able to raise a handicap child as he needs with four other children to take care of?... Will I be able to face the death of one of my children?..Oh, LORD...What is in store for me?"
Madame S. walked with us down to the lobby where she asked to speak with us privately. She then began to talk about preparations for the future. Did we know what to expect? Do we have any questions? She will check into our insurance for us.
We then, once again...spoke of God's grace and his help in time of need. We spoke of God's will in the lives of those who know him personally as their Saviour. We spoke of our family and how blessed we were with the children he had given us and that Stephen was a special part of God's creation and plan. We except his plan and know that God does all things well. Madame S. with tears in her eyes...told us we had consoled her and yet she was suppose to console us! The nurses needed to hear what she heard. She later told us as she had relayed to the staff our words to her, how greatly they appreciated our courage and out look of hope. It helped them.
A word of comfort, yet our hearts were heavy. Tears welled up with in our eyes as we thought upon not only ourselves, but others who had grown to love Stephen as well, and our dear family and friends back home who would be too far away to share in these moments with us. We knew, heartbreak would reach them also.
And, yet our GOD is able...he is able to give that which man cannot...
PEACE...AT SUCH A TIME
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
And whether we be afflicted it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
And our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation. II Corinthians 1:3-7
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