IN MEMORY OF STEPHEN 1982-1983

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. II Corinthians 1:3-4

January 18th, 2004 a tiny baby weighing just 1 pound 12 ounces was born into the world.

His name is STEPHEN.

Charlie’s first born child….a son.

Named in memory of his twin brother, Stephen.

Born at just 26 weeks…his dad and mom would endure a trial of daily prayer and hope…that this child will survive.

Today…Stephen is a sweet little guy full of energy, and very smart.

He also has “twin” sisters! They too, born only 1 pound 15 ounces and survivors!

Home in less than a month.

And he also…as his dad…has a sibling in heaven.

…only this child was stillborn.

She also was born very early in the pregnancy, weighing just 1 pound 13 ounces. She is spoken of in the post “A Lone Butterfly of Comfort.”

Two in heaven….Kaitlyn and Stephen hold a very sobering remembrance in our hearts.

The realities of life…

…there is going to be sorrow…and pain and suffering. These are all common to mankind. Yet, God has promised us Grace and strength in time of need. He promises that he is with us always.

A song written by a man who lost his dear wife says it all:

God’s way is the best way…though I cannot understand what lies ahead…I know he’s in control…for he watches o’re my soul..
God’s way is the best way…it’s the only way for me.

And he has promised us HOPE…

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
For by it the elders obtained a good report.
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Hebrews 11:1-3

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. Isaiah 55:8-11

In reading this story of Hope’s Journey…I sincerely pray that you
leave with a cup of refreshing that has given you hope for each day that lies ahead in your life.

That you have tasted that the LORD is good...he is our strength and shining shield. Our all in all...our help in time of need...our sure deliverer and our comfort.

He is faithful.

I pray most of all that you, my readers, know the LORD Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour.

Now the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13

I invite you today…

And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
Revelation 22:17

And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ.
This is the true God, and eternal life.
I John 5:20


It is with my sincerest appreciation to all my readers for the comments left as I shared this story of Hope.

Thank you for the encouragement and refreshing you were to me and the new friendships I have found in you.

Always remember.... It will be worth it all when we see Jesus!!

NOTE: I'm sorry that this story of faith comes from the end back to the beginning. If anyone knows how to reverse it please let me know. Thank you.

Grace and Death

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes: and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. Revelation 21:4-5

The above verses are ones that touched my heart when I was witnessed to about the LORD and salvation. I had always feared of not knowing where I would go when I died. These verses from God’s Word brought me assurance and peace.

…these words are true and faithful.

I believed them then…and I believed them at this time of my son’s death. I knew that he was with the LORD… that his body no longer suffered and that all things were new!!

I made mention several times in this testimonial story of the number 5

I’d like to explain…

In the scriptures numbers have specific meanings:

You will note as you read or study the Bible several outstanding numbers…

for example 13 has always been associated with Rebellion.

and it is noteworthy that some verses with 13 are in regards most often to Rebellion.

The number 3 is associated with God and the trinity…the number 6 man..the number 40 judgment…


And the number 5 Grace...and...Death


If you recall...Stephen was born in my 5th pregnancy...he was my 5th born child and he died on January 25 (5 x 5)…the verse that became my favorite is found in Job 42:5

…..and many other verses that came as I read my Bible with the verse 5.

Psalm 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

These are noted throughout my story.

For GRACE…Kathryn was saved by Grace through Faith…

Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love where with he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved).

Revelation 22:5 And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.

Romans 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

For DEATH:

Genesis 5:5 is the first natural death…And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.

Isaiah 25: 8-9 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth; for the LORD hath spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.

When Stephen died on January 25th and I wrote in my journal, I began to see all the associations with this number. It won’t always be this way…but for this time...it was my comfort.

God’s Word is so perfect in its creation. The middle verse of the Bible is

Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

For indeed there are times in our life that man cannot come to our aid...only the God of Heaven.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the word was God.

John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.

I John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

God’s Word is truly the comfort of every soul that searches….

A wealth and treasure is found in those precious pages.

PREPARATIONS....

Preparations now needed to be made for a funeral.

I never dreamed that I would find myself doing this, as such a young mother. I was only 28 yrs. old.

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3:25

Bury one of my children…plan a funeral?

Many times in the past I feared this very thing. I remember my first pregnancy….worry…worry…worry.

…notice the verse says THING…

And in my case this thing was a “happening”…a time I didn’t think I could handle…a time or event that I feared would take hold of my life and destroy me.

Now…I found it had come. Yet, God in his greatness and wonders of awe…gives peace at such times most needed.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is ever lasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3-4

Though I fought the flesh and emotions…God gave strength were man could not.

We had an appointment the next day at Helen’s to speak with someone about making some kind of arrangements.

The next morning as we pulled out of the driveway of our home; it was so quiet. I looked around and saw people getting ready to work in their gardens…the farmer rounding up his cows…women hanging their quilts out the windows as usual to air in the freshness of the morn.

“NO…wait!!!...STOP…you don’t understand…my son has died!...STOP WORLD!”

A gentleman stopped in his tracks and just “stared” …no, he wasn't staring he was just watching us drive by.

Once again…REALITY came to my heart. How oft this comes and we forget…

That life goes on…day upon day…and yet for some…sorrow has come…joy has come.

I realized this event…was to be mine. My families.

“God help us get through this difficult time…

alone..

though there are people who want to help us…YOU, LORD alone are the one we need. The One who can supply all our need…physical, spiritual, mental…all in all…is our LORD GOD.”

When we arrived at Helen’s…Kathryn was there waiting, she offered to take all the children to a park while we made our preparations. Helen spoke perfect English as well as German and French. She would help us with every detail.

As we talked with the funeral director, we explained that due to our soaring hospital cost we could not afford a funeral or a casket…and so he offered us the service of cremation. The hospital in another town had a special garden for children who have died with no place for burial. He then opened a binder and began to show us photos of urns.

I had to leave.

I went outside to collect my thoughts. How hard it was to hear these words.

I stood outside and cried.

My husband had to continue with the arrangements; my heart ached for him to have to carry on this task.

I soon returned inside as they had finished up and Kathryn returned.
The children helped relieve the emotions..they were excited about where Kathryn had taken them and told us all about it. It was fun.

I was so thankful to her for doing this…what relief…and a need taken care of.

I remember reading an article once about a woman who had a death in the family and a friend came to the door and asked for everyone’s dress shoes…

“Dress shoes?...why do you want our dress shoes?”

“To polish them for the funeral…I want you all to look your best and thought I could help in doing this”

The woman was so touched….she had not even thought about their shoes…the children’s shoes were scuffed and in great need of a good polish. This small act of kindness so touched the woman and on the day of the funeral as they all dressed she looked down at her children’s shiny shoes and sighed relief.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

When we arrived home…Claudine came over to see how we were and what arrangements had been made. We explained our situation to her.

The village Pastor came over to visit a short time later. We had never met him before,a kindly man and quiet. We spoke of our faith and he was greatly encouraged by our calm spirit and peace.

The next day Claudine came over and told us that the village agreed that since we lived there in their midst and our son was born here, in their country…they would give us a place for him in the village graveyard.

I could not believe it…my heart welled up with thankfulness…

Our son, buried right here in this village...

...a token also...that we had been accepted.

I could see the graveyard from my large picture window. We walked past it often on our walks and my daughter’s classroom building shared it’s fence.

Claudine warned us however, of the tradition of funerals in the village. 200 people in attendance! We explained to Claudine that we wanted a small private service…she said that she was sure that would be okay, but to expect some representatives of the village. She offered to help with a small reception afterwards. She had all the aprons and things needed…she had done many funerals in the village. She’d take care of it all.

We met again with the Pastor of the village…each village Pastor ministers to the needs of all the residents. We were warmly welcomed into his home and served hot tea by his wife. We talked about the scriptures we wanted read and that my husband also wanted to speak. They were totally surprised, and had never had a Father speak at the funeral of his own child. We could do this, but the Pastor had to reside and say the scriptures.

In the arrangements made, due to our financial dilemma, we were to pick up Stephen’s ashes…ourselves.

We would be told what day.

II Corinthians 12:9-10
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

THE CALL...

January 25, 1983 Stephen went to be with the LORD

The call came at 4 a.m.

But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
I Thessalonians 4:13

Just four days after my 28th birthday. My husband was still in Spain…and I was alone.

The phone rang awakening me out of my sleep. The early morning hour was very quiet and still. I anticipated some kind of news.

Was Stephen okay?...

Was it my husband calling from Spain…was he alright? He was due home: a delay…the trip extended?

The voice on the other end was a nurse who asked who I was and said a doctor wanted to speak with me. My heart began to beat like a drum as I waited for the doctor to come to the phone.

“Madame…………………..Stephen is dead.”

“Oh..my”

Just like that! News of this sort.. so blunt and so blank?

Once again REALITY set in… not only the news..but the fact that these people could not speak good English and thus…a very blunt to the point .. fact.

He asked if I could come immediately to the hospital. I froze.

“My…husband is not here and I have other small children, I will have to make some arrangements. I’ll…I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I hung up the phone and dropped to my knees.

“I’m all alone…what am I going to do? “

Stunned…my thoughts were frozen and then I cried out to the LORD.

The one who had sustained me through the past nine months: the one who provided all my needs, answered all my prayers, gave comfort, hope and encouraged me with even his creation; that beautiful white mountain.

I thanked him for his loving kindness and for the soul of Kathryn..saved! I cried with thanksgivings of praise to my God who had performed all things according to his will and according to his good pleasure. I thanked him that my sweet son…

Was with Him.

I cried for help. I needed my LORD. I was afraid …afraid of what I was about to face. I pleaded for the grace to get through this time.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Psalm 121:1-3

While the children continued in quiet sleep. I called long distance to family and friends…to hear familiar voices. I needed prayer and I needed them to know.

I called Kathryn but got no answer.

I called Claudine… she had a house fire during the night. I had no idea.
She expressed her sorrow of the news and not being able to come over to help me.

I told her I would be okay. I’d call Helen.

Helen….no answer. It was 5 a.m. no one was up yet!

I’ll have to wait till at least 7 a.m.

I called the hospital and told them it was impossible for me to be there and that I’d try to be there by 7 or so.

I then went to my room and searched my closet.

What do I wear? Oh, Lord..I don’t even know what to wear?

I changed my clothes a couple of times. The weather was still very cold and I knew I would not be back home for some time. I’d have to pack things for the children…get them up and ready to leave!

I awoke the children and gave them the news. We prayed together and I explained as they already knew. Their little brother was now in heaven.

They could dress themselves and be ready to go.

I let little Charlie remain asleep.

Finally 7 a.m. I tried Helen and she answered…

“Oh dear! Yes, come straight way! I will watch the children for you”

I was also able to reach Kathryn. She would meet me at Helen’s.

I went in to awaken little Charlie and hugged him with tears. I held him tight, as I thought upon his little brother. How thankful I was to have Charlie.
Thankful for the precious children I was blessed to call mine.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born….
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a

...REALITY... part 2

Kathryn came often up to the village to check on me and offered to take me to visit Stephen. During the drive both there and back we discussed why I was living in Switzerland. I told her that we yielded our lives to God's service and that a door had opened with this job opportunity and it was our desire to share our faith in the LORD and the truth found in the scriptures concerning him. I believed that she was one of these whom God had chosen for us to meet. She was surprised that God would do this...send people like us, just for her? She was very receptive and began to understand as she thought upon my hospital stay and our talks while I was admitted under her care.

Each time she came to visit, the LORD manifested his love to her and ours as well. We became good friends. She told me some time later...that she only intended to visit me a few times because she felt sorry for me living in a foreign country with the language barrier and no family present, but that God had been working in her heart and she knew our sincerity towards her was real.

We began to do a study together in the book of Romans. This gave me a wonderful opportunity to share with her my testimony of salvation. It was in this very book of the Bible that I found true salvation.


Since the chapter title here is Reality...it is only fitting to post My Testimony as well. It was a point of Reality that helped me understand my dilemma of sin and also my putting off a vital decision in life. This is what I shared with Kathryn.

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MY TESTIMONY

I was raised in "religion" and had no peace, no assurance of heaven, no place to take my fears. Did memorized prayer help? no. As I child, it troubled me greatly when someone died...

"Where did they go?

I was so moved by the death of a young woman posted in the paper that I cut out her photo and prayed for her. I was also exposed to many people dying...in grade school several of my classmates siblings died...one at birth, one a drowning, one hung accidentally, one in an auto accident, another elder schoolmate died from a health problem and yet another young man committed suicide. I was deeply troubled over this, but, with most people...time went on and I became immune to the affects it once had on me. As I matured I also stopped going to church. There was nothing in this church worth going to...a weekly ritual that did nothing for me. A formality from my youth.

As I approached the age of 19 the LORD in his perfect timing desired at this time...to give me the true Gospel of his Son...the LORD JESUS CHRIST...found in the scriptures.

The LORD brought a young man along my way...a Bible Believing Christian. I say this since I knew many church going people up to this point..but none who impressed me as he did.

Let me explain: Another issue in my life was a lack of trust in people. To often I had been heartbroken...over many different reasons. When I met this young man via some elderly friends coxing the meeting...I was leery. I went ahead and obliged to a "date" that turned out to be my first exposure to the TRUTH of Bible Scripture. This young man's first conversation with me...was his testimony of faith in the LORD. I was awe struck with his sincerity and taking the time to read the Bible he had with him! This was not an ordinary "date"..this was special. He showed me the sincerity of his care for my soul. I listened...and we dated again..and I listened...dated again..and I listened....the Bible being read and faith explained. Yes, he took me to the book of Romans chapter 5. I remember distinctly being amazed at the truths I was reading and had longed for to know...YET...I did nothing with it.

A few months passed and I was in an automobile accident. Very strange circumstances that would make for a long story. (maybe this part will be in my book..Lord willing).
I should have died in this accident, but by the mercies of God, I did not, nor was I even injured. However, I realized that night, I could have died in my sins. I knew the Bible verses in:

John chapter 8 verse 24... I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.

I had "heard" of Jesus Christ...but it never became so very personal...to truly believe who HE is...The SON of GOD as MY Saviour.

I John chpt 1 verse 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

REALITY came to me that moment realizing that I had unconfessed sins in my heart...

James chapter4 verse 17 says: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

.. and though I had read the Bible and listened, I had done nothing with this knowledge. I then began to recall the many talks I had with this young man concerning faith in the LORD Jesus. His death on the cross of Calvary..for me.

Romans chapter 5 verses 12, 17-19 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

(this one man being Adam)

For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.

Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.
For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

Verses 7-11 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for good man some would even dare to die.
But GOD commendeth his love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we now have received the atonement.

Romans chpt. 5 verse 1 -2 became my favorite verses.

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.


This night of my accident, I became a Born Again Christian. I knew that my life no longer was my own... I had been bought with a price...the precious blood of the Lord Jesus.

I determined in my heart that night to live for him. The peace that flooded my soul can only be explained by this saving faith. I now had the assurances that I desired and I knew heaven was to be mine one day.

After this day, I began to read my Bible and attend a church that I knew preached and taught the Bible. And as the scriptures promise...he giveth understanding unto the simple and I began to grow in understanding of God's Word. How wonderful to know God and who he is and why he performs as he does in the lives of mankind.

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...and so my testimony explained... WHY? ...giving hope to others is so vital and worth some of the sacrifices people make. She asked me...

"Do you really believe God sent you here...for me?"

" Yes, Kathryn, I do."