Monday, February 25, 2008


I will cry unto God most high: unto God that performeth all things for me.
Psalm 57:2

Not only were we expecting the social worker..but our dear friends Anne-Marie and Jack were coming for dinner. I wanted them to come and quickly. We needed help with our decision concerning Stephen. His continued distress troubled me and I felt my own weakness' causing guilt.

"Is it my weakness, LORD, or does Stephen need the care of the nurses? I failing my son!"

Later that afternoon while Anne-Marie and I visited, the social worker Madame H. also came to visit. I was so thankful to have both of them with me...ladies I could confide in and trust their judgment of my dilemma.

At this time neighbor who didn't speak English stopped by for tea! I didn't know how to tell her that I was busy and so gestured for her to come in. It just so happened that the visitors I already had were fluent in French.

"Thank you, Lord!"

While we discussed Stephen's condition as I was feeding him....once again with great force his feeding spewed out. They quickly helped me...and we soon had Stephen calm and resting. One helped clean-up, one cradled Stephen while I prepared his clean clothing and another spoke gently to the other children.

I was heartbroken.

Always surrounded by nurses...I just wanted to be...his mommy. The past few days I held him close, I rocked him, I sang to him. I did all the things I wanted as a mother with my child in the privacy of my own little world.

"Why? is this happening? Is it something I am doing wrong?"

These ladies consoled and gave me such comfort with their caring hearts and wisdom. They too agreed, Stephen did not look well and to check with the doctor the next day.

I was so thankful for that perfect timing once again. Not just one lady to help me, but three: a dear Christian friend who prayerfully in her heart could seek God in giving me an answer, a social worker who could access the situation in the family needs of each individual and then a common neighbor who's compassion showed in her deep concern.

The fellowship of dear Christian friends brought us true joy at such a needed time. The rest of the evening brought peace with enjoyment of their company and time with our children.

That evening, late... well after another feeding; Stephen became very distressed and crying. I couldn't get him quiet and I was too afraid to pick him up for fear he would vomit again. His color was not good and scared us. We called Claudine (mid-night) and she came over to watch the children for us while we transported Stephen to the hospital. I'll never forget the look on her face. I know her heart felt our fear.

As I sat in the back of our van cradling Stephen in my arms, crying and praying. My dear husband spoke words of comfort, reminding me of God's grace and care shown to us. He reassured me that I did the best I could and that Stephen knew this too.

I remembered the "Angels Chorus Sang".

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9

As we entered the hospital, I immediately felt relief. I knew he was in the best of care. The nurses hugged me and they also reassured me that it was alright. Stephen needed to be there; he did not look well.

The ride home was a very sad time for us. My arms were empty of my son once again.

The next morning the first social worker I spoke with Madame S. (whom I had the wonderful opportunity of a witness) called to tell us, the Cardiologist wants to observe Stephen for a few days back at the other hospital. She will visit with me soon.

"Lord, is this another open door? it must be... Oh LORD, let us be yielded to thy will and our prayers heard as we seek to show your love to others"

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God: and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
In this was manifested the love of God towared us, because that God sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
I John 4:7-11


Pam--in Jerusalem said...

How difficult that must have been to let go of Stephen; even though you knew it was for his best.
I'm so glad that you weren't blinded to the opportunities for witness that were all around you. It would have been very easy to only see your own grief and troubles. Praise God for that!

HOPE said...

All through this trial Pam, my thoughts were continually on our witness and in the depths of my heart I knew this was a particular time in our lives to be fully yielded with our hearts lest Satan..get the advantage and hinder our work we desired to do in the beginning.
Truly, God does give us strength in time of need and the comfort of knowing we are in his will even in afflictions.

Daughter of the King said...

oh Hope....I am sure this was so rough. I am waiting here for the next installment.
And yes GOD does give us strength in time of need. I sure do know that.

HOPE said...

Thank you Deby for your patience in waiting for the next chapter! I hope to post mon -thursdays... with much prayer for the right words to explain our situation and the work of the LORD ...above all the words to encourage my readers.

I'm in prayer about publishing if anyone wants to put in a critique...I'll read your comments privately. THANK YOU!


My heart feels for you and you husband and family and especially for Stephen. God was so good to provide you with care, comfort and help. What a shinning light you must have been to those who were witnessing the happening in your life and your trust in the Lord as you lived through them. God bless you dear Hope. connie from Texas

HOPE said...

Good to see you visit Connie!
I've missed your encouraging visits.Oh how I had hoped that my light of the LORD within did shine through...I believe that when we know the LORD is working in our lives during a trial we have that great comfort of the Holy Spirit to cause that light to shine forth. Brighter at times than others as we yield to the Spirit.