THE MUSIC BOXES

The Swiss Chalet music box on the right of this photo is quite unique. It was given to me by my sister on my 16th birthday.She purchased it at a local gift shop here in the U.S. We have always loved European design and rightly so as I am of German heritage, and I was also born in Germany while my father served in the Armed Forces overseas. This music box is one of few things I still own from my childhood.

This music box plays the song “Edelweiss”…. Many of you remember this song in the movie The Sound of Music.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Every morning you greet me…

Small and white, clean and bright…

You look happy to greet me.

Blossoms of snow may you bloom and grow

Bloom and grow forever…

Edelweiss, Edelweiss

Bless my homeland forever.

How noteworthy that Stephen was born in Switzerland and buried on a day it snowed and that his life touched Kathryn to the saving of her soul…forever. A blossom of the seed of God's work. Oh and how happy one day he will be to greet her.

Also “Edelweiss means Noble and White…short lived.

The other music box is also very unique. We purchased it in a village we visited and it is the exact same size and making of the other. This one plays another special song…

“Go Tell It On The Mountain”

Go, tell it on the mountain..

Over the hills and everwhere…

Go, tell it on the mountain…

That Jesus Christ is born.

And this is exactly what we did…we told those around us on the mountain…about our Saviour, the LORD JESUS CHRIST.

When I look at these two music boxes, life seems to emerge from them. People that we knew in this small country of Switzerland. The life we lived there among them and the heartfelt belonging I feel.

The tablecloth represents the Swiss people. The colors, the designs and the costumes. I purchased this on a visit to the village of Gruyere. A village known for the delicious cheese made there. I use this cheese today in a recipe I was given while living in Switzerland and converted it well to American ingredients. I will share it with you at the end of my story! It is a family favorite and my husband calls it his “comfort” food for the warmth and satisfying taste it brings; it also brings back the memories of God’s goodness to us.

Psalm 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Little things in our lives that mean so much to us. Precious reminders of the works of GOD. Who would have ever known back on my sixteenth birthday that I would live in Switzerland…that this song would be so noteworthy…and that there was another little Swiss Chalet to be bought complimenting one another’s songs?

A SURPISE VISIT....

Only a week had passed since Stephen’s funeral. We had found so much comfort in the time spent with Kathryn during our preparations and now the void of her fellowship returned.

On the weekend of my eldest daughter’s seventh birthday we received a surprise telephone call from Kathryn. She and her boyfriend would be on a skiing trip near our village and they wanted to stop by to say hello. How elated we all were to know that we had visitors coming and not just any visitor, our beloved Kathryn!

As we anticipated the visit... with her boyfriend.We prayed the LORD would touch his heart in some way. It was to be our first meeting.

They came with a lovely gift for my daughter’s birthday and of course a hand full of “goodies” for the children and a bouquet of flowers for the hostess.
Each time a Swiss came to our home this was the customary greeting to the hostess…flowers and chocolate. It always made such a warm greeting.

We all sat around the table drinking hot chocolate. A favorite of skiers…and of course the Swiss people! We liked her boyfriend very much ... a tall young man with a gentle nature and warming smile.

It was hard for me to imagine him opposing Kathryn visiting us, but then he didn't know us and watching the convicting power of the Holy Spirit working in her life troubled him. Little did he realize it was The Word of God revealing truth to her.

Our meeting went very nicely…laughter filled the house with the children’s tales of “family” life.

“You know what SHE did once”…. “I did not!”…

all of us in unison .. “OH, yes you did!!” and smiles lit upon each face.

The children sang some French songs they learned in Sunday school. Songs that spoke of the love of Jesus and his salvation.

Kathryn’s boyfriend…was seeing first hand…WHY?... Kathryn found peace around us. WHY”… she enjoyed her visits with us. Not just this family… but a CHRISTIAN family.

He heard and he watched…as we all bowed in prayer for the blessings on our daughter. My husband also asked God’s blessings upon our home..our children and our friends.

It is astonishing how many people have not heard a prayer from the heart. I don't know if this was the case for him then, but I do know that he later talked with her about prayer.

(As was the testimony at Stephen’s funeral…talk was made of how touching it was of the Father who prayed in his own words at his son’s service!)

Many only know as I did as a child, the memorized prayers that came from a booklet given in a class and once learned are just repeated over and over.

When I trusted Christ as my personal Saviour… my prayers became very personal also. From the heart…poured out in an instant.

Matthew 6:7-8 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do; for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

Verse 9… After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which are in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

..and we also pray… THY WILL BE DONE….

(this is an example of the “manner” in which to pray…praying to GOD as your FATHER…praying to the GOD of HEAVEN with holy reverence…and according to his blessed will..for he knows what is best)

…. and as the verses continue they teach us how to pray… the words become our own.

Just as in the Psalms of David…prayers recorded so that we can understand the depths of his pleadings to God and the help he received and the heartfelt prayers of repentance.

As a born again believer…I can relate to these prayers. I don’t say the same exact words… memorized…but by faith and my own needs. David pleaded as I do and have. I too have received this mercy and the answers to needs so great…man could not help..only the true GOD of Heaven.

Sometimes it has been a mere few words of..

“Oh, Lord..help me!”

...because I could not find the words to express my heart…but God knew.

Psalm 139:4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.

How oft dear reader…in this story have you not read of the many times God intervened and saw my need before my prayer was ever heard…but the prayer showed my desires…it showed my hope and trust in him…it showed I knew all the answers lie in my GOD.

Our petitions are ever before him…and he hears them.

Look in the BIBLE and see prayer from the beginning to the end.

Psalm 66:19 But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer.

It was hard to say good bye wondering when we would see Kathryn again, yet we rejoiced in this time spent together. We rested in the work God needed to do in these two lives.

It was another day…of comfort, hope and assurance that our lives continued to be used for God’s work.

Psalm 118:24 This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

A LONE BUTTERFLY...of comfort

MAY 22, 2008

Today will be a present time post. It is amazing how the timing for some of my post have been. This post was not planned as I’ve mentioned before about some others. I pray that it brings a blessing to you.

Three years ago today my little granddaughter Kaitlyn was stillborn. She is the infant daughter of my son Charlie; the twin brother of Stephen, of whom my blog story is all about.

I went to visit her grave today with flowers and a birthday balloon. Charlie is currently serving in Iraq and I knew that this was what he would have wanted to do had he been here. She is buried in a National Cemetery and it was so fitting today with Memorial Day’s observance Monday to have an American flag next to her grave. Nice, that the flag somewhat represented her dad being there today as well. I know he was in thought and heart.

Among the flowers I placed a little butterfly. We always think of butterflies whenever her name is mentioned or when we see one…she is there.

Here is a little story about “Kaitlyn”.

Kaitlyn was stillborn weighing only one pound and a few ounces. Her birth was premature and much unexpected though my daughter in law experienced some complications along the way.

For Kaitlyn's funeral my son asked his dad to do the service. It was held outside under an awning not far from the grave site. Appropriately, my husband chose the same verses read at our own son’s funeral.

Our hearts were deeply touched now watching his brother bare the same trial.

My husband sang this song:

REJOICE IN THE LORD by Ron Hamilton (here are a few of the words)

God never moves without purpose or plan
When trying his servant and molding a man

Oh rejoice in the LORD
He makes no mistake
He knoweth the way of each path that I take

For when I am tried and purified
I shall come forth as Gold…

As we sat in front of the little white casket draped with lovely spring flowers and more surrounding….we listened to my husband singing.

Suddenly in the peacefulness of the song and calmness of the beautiful day…a lone butterfly appeared out of nowhere. I grasped my son’s hand as we watched in awe as the butterfly fluttered about the flowers, first on the casket and then to each floral arrangement surrounding the casket …she then disappeared. We glanced at each other with tears and a smile.

After the service, everyone commented on the sudden appearance of a lone butterfly. They too, saw the message in plain sight. Kaitlyn is happy with the LORD. We all felt it was a little touch of God. Assurance in a time of sorrow…of His blessed creation and it’s joys.

I never realized how a time like this can cause you to look about more and realize the messages found in so much of God’s creation..even the tiniest of them…like a lone butterfly.

This trial of my son’s drew him closer in his walk with the LORD and renewed the awareness of the shortness of life and how important our choices are. How vital it is to know the LORD Jesus Christ as one’s personal Saviour and have that peace when needed that passeth all understanding.

St. John 1: 3-4 All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made.
In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

Though Kaitlyn’s life was taken….life lived on in this butterfly…and so did hope.

As I stood there today recalling the post I’ve written in the past few days it was as though the freshness of both funerals had arisen in my heart. Not the sadness….but the wondrous works of our mighty God.

He heals and he restores…he gladdens and soothes the mind….his grace is sufficient and his truth surely made known.

WORDS OF COMFORT...

In the days that passed after the funeral…we received numerous cards of sympathy.

I received a letter from one of my dearest friends Janie…she was the first Christian women to befriend me and she has always meant so much to me and her letter to this day is in my possession.

She wrote in her letter…

“I was playing my piano for some uplifting spiritual music and came across the song “Now I belong to Jesus” that your husband sang in church. I thought about how many people take our Lord in such a light fashion. Our service for him is so real and so hard at times. When little Stephen died, I cried so hard for the grief that comes to the flesh and at the same time I was rejoicing that that part of your “trial of faith” was over. How dear you are to us here."

All the cards we received expressed their love to us, it lifted our hearts at a time when you can feel so alone…in a busy world.

One card read:
I know the LORD will uplift you all, through this sorrowful time in your lives. It’s wonderful that we can go to Him in our time of need and His everlasting arms are always there to comfort us. Knowing that your precious son is with Him now and that you’ll see him again is a blessing.

Another from the Pastor of the church we visited:
The Lord has certainly used Stephen during his short life, and yourselves to bring glory to His name and encouragement to others. We pray that He will bring comfort and consolation.

A note from one of his nurses says... His death has touched my heart.

A neighbor we knew briefly sent words of wanting to help us in any way…

It was hard to grasp the closure of Stephen’s life. I had faced “reality” so many times and yet during this time, it was all starting to “soak in”. The devil took full advantage of my weakness, but the LORD was indeed that comforter each of these cards expressed. The words written were not void of comfort nor were they mere words…they reached the depths of compassion so needed.

I cried one night as I lay in bed…I had been so caught up in all the needful preparations and keeping up with my family that the time finally came to just “grieve” my loss.

To grieve is not wrong. Many Christians think they must be this strong person of no emotion of sorrow and that your faith is weak if you do.

The Bible does state ..not to sorrow as others which have no hope…

This says..as others… the lost who wail and bemoan with no assurance of ever seeing their loved one again. They have no peace and no comfort of God’s ways.
Grieving is a natural process of our hearts expressing a type of sorrow that involves love. In the proper grief…one naturally misses the companionship of the loss or in my case the bond of mother to child. That love is often expressed in tears of sorrow or joy.

Many a “tough guy” when touched deeply…a tear trails down his cheek and you know this man has a heart just like any other.

I had questioned myself in this…

"Was I weak?"

And then my husband so gently reminded me of this LOVE that is present within us that must express itself.

God also expressed many emotions… we must remember, he was tempted in all points as we…yet without sin. He too grieved over the rebellion of man….he loved his brethren…he loved as no other…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16

My heart was lifted as I began to think upon my son’s presence with the LORD and how pleased the LORD was and is to have used this sweet creation of his to bring a soul to salvation.

This is why that verse we chose was special…

Precious in the sight of the LORD, is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15

Precious because his work is finished and accomplished that which he pleased. His greatest work and desire..to save souls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May 2008 As I read today in my devotions, I came across passages in Isaiah, one of my favorite books in the Bible. It manifest so clearly the holiness of GOD and his majesties. I recommend reading especially chapters 51-55.
Verses today that stood out to me where found in:

Isaiah 51:11 Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their heads: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

Isaiah 52:3 For thus saith the Lord, Ye have sold yourselves for nought; and ye shall be redeemed with out money.

Amen! … only through the mercies of our loving God and his sacrifice on Calvary is man redeemed. No amount of money will ever suffice. Would the GOD of all creation…need money of all things, to redeem those whom he loved and died for!

Then in verse 10

The Lord hath made bare his holy arm in the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.

And in the New Testament the way is found:

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me.

And my favorite verse that sustains me always in all my trials and tribulations.. for this is my confidence. God’s faithfulness in giving me his perfect Word without error. The God of creation…he can write a book too!

I know him and I know he loves…even me.

I John 5:13 These things are written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God: that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

WHITER THAN SNOW....

The Hymn: Whiter Than Snow

Lord Jesus I long to be perfectly whole,
I want Thee for ever to live in my soul,
Break down every idol, cast out every foe..
Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.
Whiter than snow...yes, whiter than snow..
Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.

The day of the funeral had come…

It had snowed in the night and we awoke to a glorious white covering…so fresh and clean. Perfect for this day.

One of the village ladies whose children played with mine, offered to babysit for the funeral. We felt it best at their young age not to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of death. They knew their baby brother was in Heaven with the LORD and they were at peace in their young hearts.

I stepped out on our balcony to breathe in the fresh crisp air of the morn. I loved it when it snowed. I can’t explain its pleasure….just refreshing…and that I needed this day.

Claudine had come by and set things up for the little reception to follow at our home. She had everything prepared and her lovely lace apron ready.

Kathryn came to the house early…her presence almost brought Stephen back to life…for there was a new life in Christ with us. LIFE….full of joy and happiness, that she had not known before. She knew GOD as her Saviour and she had the assurance of Eternal LIFE.

As the time approached to go to the cemetery, I picked up the flowers I had purchased the day before to put on Stephen’s grave. A HUGE…bouquet of yellow…Daffodils and Carnations. The same flowers given to me when he was born…the Daffodils that surrounded me in the springtime of this trial. I love these flowers.

With the flowers in my arms, my husband carried the ashes in the little box, finished with our own loving hearts and hands, Kathryn walked with us to the cemetery.

There standing silently on the snow covered ground as I can recall were,
Jack and Anne Marie, Claudine, her husband and mother in law, the Pastor of the village and ten village representatives.

We were so touched by the people who came to support us and bring comforting smiles. The village people showed that they weren’t there just to be representatives...but truly came out of compassion and wanted us to know that as a whole, the village cared.

We placed Stephen’s ashes in the openings that was surrounded by piles of snow. I was so relieved that it wasn’t just a dirt mound. The snow seemed to make such a statement for us.

The service began with the Pastor speaking and reading our requested scripture.

I Corinthians 15:51-58
Behold I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed.
In a moment, in the twinkling o f any eye, at the last trump: for the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

These verses in particular,

I Thessalonians 4:13-18
But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, with the trump of god: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the LORD in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
Where for comfort one another with these words.

My husband then prayed. Prayed as these people had never heard before.

A prayer from the heart of a man who had just lost his own child. A prayer that was not memorized or planned. Sincere words of gratitude for all that GOD had done for us. Words manifesting who our Saviour was…the LORD JESUS CHRIST and a prayer to comfort those listening with the comfort we ourselves held within our bosom.

The final verse:

Psalm 116:18 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.

This verse we painted on the white cross for Stephen’s grave.

We covered the box with a mound of snow, and then placed the cross at the head of the grave where I also lay the yellow daffodils. The yellow seem to be so much brighter on the whiteness of the snow. A lovely picture of purity and hope.

The beauty of the whiteness gave such comfort of hope …no sin is found in him…he is a saint by the LORD Jesus. The innocence of my son….covered. Sainthood not of man or by means of any other way. A child of innocence…covered by grace. And Kathryn, a saint; sins washed away by the cleansing blood of the LORD Jesus shed on Calvary for the remission of all sin. A saint by HIS righteousness.

There we all held hands in closing prayer.

My husband and I stayed back for a while as the others walked up to our home.

We stood quietly together and said our goodbyes… but it is temporary…
Praise God … we know we shall see him again!

The funeral day .... JANUARY 31st

the same day we had closed on our home one year earlier...

the beginning of our Journey of Hope

and this day the end of our trial, filled with hope.

It is well, with my soul....

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 9:38-39

It is the day we are told to pick up Stephen’s ashes. We must go to a nearby town…a good distance. The eldest children will be in school, but we have to take the other three…one of whom is baby Charlie.

We had no idea what to expect…certainly not what did.

As we arrived; I stayed in our van with the children. Charlie was sleeping soundly from the ride in his baby carrier and the other children ages 4 and 2 sat sweetly reading books.

That morning unfortunately I was told the time that the cremation was to be done. I did not want this information and as the time approached; I stood at the window looking at that glorious white mountain…......Mount Blanc.

My heart was heavy and tears once again filled my eyes. I held Stephen’s little teddy bear I had made him and cried.

Those tears, I know are stored in a bottle… a bottle of remembrance in God’s love of keeping them. Perhaps one day he will empty them in front of Stephen and our family together with Kathryn and how many others might have been part of those tears…that sown in sorrow…will reap JOY everlasting.

The mountain of GOD…. That glorious mountain created by Him.

A continual reminder to me of his majesty.

My husband came to the van and as he opened the door…I saw his face…sullen and sad. There he stood, with a brown wrapped package…he handed it to me… and I froze in silence.

I could not believe it….I could not believe that people had let us come to this point… did they not consider?

Or did God allow this….why?.... to hurt our hearts? To punish us?

No…..God in his perfect design…wanted this for us, so that we could face reality.

This was indeed a test of FAITH….was our faith real?

You must ask yourself…

If this were to happen to you …would FAITH…

belief in the majestic GOD of creation, who has promised Eternal life to those who believe in him, trust him and know him as their Saviour…

COULD you…WOULD you…accept Reality?

As I clutched this package…with a tag reading my son’s name….

I had to grasp the depths of reality…Stephen was not there.

He was in the presence of my GOD!! He was healed…he was whole again and he was happy.

Would some dare say…you live in a dream world? They might …

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take on the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God… Ephesians 6:16-17a

My confidence is found in The precious Word Of God that had lead me to my Saviour…the Word Of God that gave me strength in time of need…the WORD that brought comfort to my soul in despair….and the promises of his Holy Spirits dwelling that confirms…it is TRUTH.

The WORD of GOD written for our learning…that we through comfort of the Scriptures…might have HOPE!

The children busied themselves with their books…as I held my son’s ashes.
We had to be strong for the children so young, they would not understand.
It was the comfort of GOD that enabled us to go on …at such a time…peace.

What were we to do now? My husband and I decided to stop at a hardware store and purchase an unfinished box with a lid and a clasp. Something similar to a jewelry box. We also purchased some wood to make a cross.

When we arrived home…my husband went down to our basement where there was a room he used as a workshop. There he spent the afternoon.

I was not there…I can only imagine the time alone he spent in thought and prayer.
Then… he called me down stairs….he finished the box with a beautiful wood stain and placed Stephen’s ashes inside and sealed the box.

He then built a cross and painted it white. I painted Stephen’s name across the top.
It was an emotional heart wrenching time for us, as we did this together…it was so very personal….and GOD was there….with us.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed: for I am they God: I will strengthen thee: yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

I can imagine the many missionaries on the field who have buried their own loved ones…suffered loss….and yet in all…looked to the glorious cross of the LORD Jesus and thanked him for that loved one who blessed their lives.

Yes, thankful… thankful for those promises God fulfilled in our lives.

We had prayer together and thanked God for his unspeakable grace, his merciful kindness in all that he had done for us and the witness that yet still remained for us in this village.

The funeral was to be in a couple of days.

I know that as you read this…it will be overwhelming.

Take this time dear reader…and ask yourself…

Do you truly know the LORD Jesus as your personal Saviour? Do you have the faith that can be tested ….do you have the faith that when tested will magnify who GOD is to others? That’s the reason….OTHERS.

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; and yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Philip P. Bliss wrote the noteworthy song… It Is Well With My Soul..in time of tragic loss..

When peace, like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll..
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say..
It is well; it is well with my soul…
It is well…it is well…. With my soul…with my soul…
It is well..it is well…with my soul!

New post on May 13

Grace and Death

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes: and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. Revelation 21:4-5

The above verses are ones that touched my heart when I was witnessed to about the LORD and salvation. I had always feared of not knowing where I would go when I died. These verses from God’s Word brought me assurance and peace.

…these words are true and faithful.

I believed them then…and I believed them at this time of my son’s death. I knew that he was with the LORD… that his body no longer suffered and that all things were new!!

I made mention several times in this testimonial story of the number 5

I’d like to explain…

In the scriptures numbers have specific meanings:

You will note as you read or study the Bible several outstanding numbers…

for example 13 has always been associated with Rebellion.

and it is noteworthy that some verses with 13 are in regards most often to Rebellion.

The number 3 is associated with God and the trinity…the number 6 man..the number 40 judgment…


And the number 5 Grace...and...Death


If you recall...Stephen was born in my 5th pregnancy...he was my 5th born child and he died on January 25 (5 x 5)…the verse that became my favorite is found in Job 42:5

…..and many other verses that came as I read my Bible with the verse 5.

Psalm 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

These are noted throughout my story.

For GRACE…Kathryn was saved by Grace through Faith…

Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love where with he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved).

Revelation 22:5 And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.

Romans 5:1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

For DEATH:

Genesis 5:5 is the first natural death…And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.

Isaiah 25: 8-9 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth; for the LORD hath spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.

When Stephen died on January 25th and I wrote in my journal, I began to see all the associations with this number. It won’t always be this way…but for this time...it was my comfort.

God’s Word is so perfect in its creation. The middle verse of the Bible is

Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

For indeed there are times in our life that man cannot come to our aid...only the God of Heaven.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the word was God.

John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.

I John 5:13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

God’s Word is truly the comfort of every soul that searches….

A wealth and treasure is found in those precious pages.

PREPARATIONS....

Preparations now needed to be made for a funeral.

I never dreamed that I would find myself doing this, as such a young mother. I was only 28 yrs. old.

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3:25

Bury one of my children…plan a funeral?

Many times in the past I feared this very thing. I remember my first pregnancy….worry…worry…worry.

…notice the verse says THING…

And in my case this thing was a “happening”…a time I didn’t think I could handle…a time or event that I feared would take hold of my life and destroy me.

Now…I found it had come. Yet, God in his greatness and wonders of awe…gives peace at such times most needed.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is ever lasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3-4

Though I fought the flesh and emotions…God gave strength were man could not.

We had an appointment the next day at Helen’s to speak with someone about making some kind of arrangements.

The next morning as we pulled out of the driveway of our home; it was so quiet. I looked around and saw people getting ready to work in their gardens…the farmer rounding up his cows…women hanging their quilts out the windows as usual to air in the freshness of the morn.

“NO…wait!!!...STOP…you don’t understand…my son has died!...STOP WORLD!”

A gentleman stopped in his tracks and just “stared” …no, he wasn't staring he was just watching us drive by.

Once again…REALITY came to my heart. How oft this comes and we forget…

That life goes on…day upon day…and yet for some…sorrow has come…joy has come.

I realized this event…was to be mine. My families.

“God help us get through this difficult time…

alone..

though there are people who want to help us…YOU, LORD alone are the one we need. The One who can supply all our need…physical, spiritual, mental…all in all…is our LORD GOD.”

When we arrived at Helen’s…Kathryn was there waiting, she offered to take all the children to a park while we made our preparations. Helen spoke perfect English as well as German and French. She would help us with every detail.

As we talked with the funeral director, we explained that due to our soaring hospital cost we could not afford a funeral or a casket…and so he offered us the service of cremation. The hospital in another town had a special garden for children who have died with no place for burial. He then opened a binder and began to show us photos of urns.

I had to leave.

I went outside to collect my thoughts. How hard it was to hear these words.

I stood outside and cried.

My husband had to continue with the arrangements; my heart ached for him to have to carry on this task.

I soon returned inside as they had finished up and Kathryn returned.
The children helped relieve the emotions..they were excited about where Kathryn had taken them and told us all about it. It was fun.

I was so thankful to her for doing this…what relief…and a need taken care of.

I remember reading an article once about a woman who had a death in the family and a friend came to the door and asked for everyone’s dress shoes…

“Dress shoes?...why do you want our dress shoes?”

“To polish them for the funeral…I want you all to look your best and thought I could help in doing this”

The woman was so touched….she had not even thought about their shoes…the children’s shoes were scuffed and in great need of a good polish. This small act of kindness so touched the woman and on the day of the funeral as they all dressed she looked down at her children’s shiny shoes and sighed relief.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

When we arrived home…Claudine came over to see how we were and what arrangements had been made. We explained our situation to her.

The village Pastor came over to visit a short time later. We had never met him before,a kindly man and quiet. We spoke of our faith and he was greatly encouraged by our calm spirit and peace.

The next day Claudine came over and told us that the village agreed that since we lived there in their midst and our son was born here, in their country…they would give us a place for him in the village graveyard.

I could not believe it…my heart welled up with thankfulness…

Our son, buried right here in this village...

...a token also...that we had been accepted.

I could see the graveyard from my large picture window. We walked past it often on our walks and my daughter’s classroom building shared it’s fence.

Claudine warned us however, of the tradition of funerals in the village. 200 people in attendance! We explained to Claudine that we wanted a small private service…she said that she was sure that would be okay, but to expect some representatives of the village. She offered to help with a small reception afterwards. She had all the aprons and things needed…she had done many funerals in the village. She’d take care of it all.

We met again with the Pastor of the village…each village Pastor ministers to the needs of all the residents. We were warmly welcomed into his home and served hot tea by his wife. We talked about the scriptures we wanted read and that my husband also wanted to speak. They were totally surprised, and had never had a Father speak at the funeral of his own child. We could do this, but the Pastor had to reside and say the scriptures.

In the arrangements made, due to our financial dilemma, we were to pick up Stephen’s ashes…ourselves.

We would be told what day.

II Corinthians 12:9-10
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

ANOTHER JOURNEY

As the children and I began this day’s journey…my heart raced with anticipation.

Helen said she would have her husband take care of details in reaching my husband with the news for me.

"What do I expect? How will I react? How will the children respond?

As I drove out of my driveway, the morning was just coming to light but with fog.

“Oh, dear LORD…I can’t even see….the roads are windy ahead…PLEASE LORD…HELP ME!!!”

I drove slowly..praying all the way. I asked the children to sit quietly so I could concentrate on the road. Always obedient and so sweet..they complied. My eldest, though still so young at age 7 watched over baby Charlie for me.

As I entered into the next village…I noticed the tail lights of a vehicle. I knew you were not suppose to follow tail lights of another vehicle in fog...but I would not make it down that mountain’s windy road without a guide. All I could see was the faint red dots in front of me…I hoped and prayed they did not leave my sight.

Arriving closer to the town the sky began to clear and with relief I was where I was suppose to be! This entire time...I did not see nor hear another vehicle on the road.

THANK YOU LORD…again.<


The road was now familiar.. to Helen’s. She greeted us at the door and made the children comfortable. She said that her husband was unable to reach my husband because he was already in flight to come home. They would meet him at the airport upon arrival.

I held my composure and did fine until Kathryn came to the door. As she entered and hugged me the tears trickled down as I tried my best to remain strong for my children.

Though the hospital was right next door we still drove since it was so early in the morning. I was numb as we approached the hospital. I knew I would have difficulty communicating and I wanted so much even at this present time to Glorify the LORD. To let them know HE was with me. Kathryn, thankfully an English nurse is with me.

Praise God!

As we walked to the entrance of the children’s ward I braced myself.

"Dear God!!! Help me!"

The doctor walked us to Stephen’s room … I went in alone at first and there...

There…I found my son lying very still on his crib with the sides down surrounded by real flowers. He was in my favorite orange sleeper.

My heart broke. The sight I cannot put into words…it was the flowers of all things that put finality to it all. The nurses so kindly had placed a little group of flowers at his feet and at his head and a few petals scattered around him.

I didn’t like the sight…

…but I knew this was a kindness from them to show their condolences.

The doctor came in and stood on the other side of the crib. I felt very uncomfortable as I had so many times in the past with them watching me. I didn’t feel I could fully express my sorrow at that time. I held it in as I touched his lifeless body. I placed my hand upon his arms and for a brief moment, thought he had moved and lifted his hand…I told Kathryn and she nodded … no.

I then said to her…

“How can people not get saved Kathryn...he is not here…he IS with the LORD! He IS in Heaven! It is so evident…the life is gone..But he is still alive in the presence of my dear Saviour!!!"

Psalm 66:8-9 O bless our God, ye people, and make the voice of his praise to be heard;
Which holdeth our soul in life, and suffereth not our feet to be moved.

For the first time in my life...I saw death right before me. The very thing I feared and did not understand up until my salvation. My confidence in the Lord was there…my peace…the Peace that passeth ALL understanding!

I wanted to pick Stephen up, but again…I was afraid I would do something I shouldn’t and for some reason I didn’t even ask. Kathryn and I stood there for a while and then we walked out. I didn’t know what to do…we walked a few steps and I turned to look at his door…

“Do you want to go back in?”

“I don’t know, I wish I had held him… but, no I can’t right now”

I did not know what to do..I was numb, but yet I had peace in my heart and not overwhelmed with the sorrow of those with no hope, no assurance. More than ever, I was at God’s mercy, thanking him for my salvation…

Oh had I not known the Grace of God!

The nurses came around the desk and gave hugs and sweet smiles. That is all I remember before leaving. They told us we could come back whenever we wanted ..that they would have him in a special room for viewing.

I don’t remember much after this….I then found myself back at my home in the village. I’m sure Kathryn must have followed me back to make sure I’d be okay as I waited for my husband’s return. I was left then home alone with the children.

My husband upon arrival to the airport was greeted by Helen’s husband who broke the news to him. He had a container full of money that my husband's coworkers had collected to help us with some expenses.

Then as he arrived to the office he was greeted by a secretary…dear Claire with tears in her eyes reached out with flowers in her hand, and seeking words of comfort.
Claire was the secretary who was so helpful to us upon our initial arrival to Switzerland. She set up appointments and went with us the day we took our first journey up to the village we settled in.

My husband was also numb…he felt relief though that this trial had ended. He also knew the peace of the perfect work God had done and was doing in many hearts..Especially that of Kathryn. He was a testimony himself to Claire and to Helen’s husband.

A time when a man who does not know the LORD as his Saviour, would succumb to grief. He too held his composure. He told me later, he knew in his heart that I was okay. peace, knowing GOD had already helped me so many times…he would not fail this most needful time of all.

A portion of a song by Bryn Riplinger:

My Promises Never Fail

Have the flowers ever failed to bloom?
Has the sun ceased to shine at noon?
Is there a sparrow that’s fallen down
Without my hearing the sound?
My child if I care for these
I’ll surely care for thee
I know when the storms assail
And my promises never fail

….Oh let me ne’er forget
That God will never fail me
For he has never failed me yet.
~~~~~~~

As my husband arrived home…we hugged tightly and silently knew what each other was feeling.

Claudine knocked on the door and welcomed my husband home and expressed her sorrow. She offered to help us in any way she could. This brought on my flow of tears….her kindness extended once more, was overwhelming to me.

God had brought these people into our lives.